


Almost Normal

by Zenovia99



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anime, BoyxBoy, Eremin - Freeform, Fanfiction, Heartbreak, Leviackerman, Love, M/M, Manga, Sad, arminarlert, attack on titan - Freeform, fandoms - Freeform, jeanmarco, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 62,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5570332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenovia99/pseuds/Zenovia99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has a story to tell, for me, this was just the beginning, and it all started with him. The boy with the emerald eyes had me captivated with every breath he took. With every gaze I stole from him, he was stealing my heart without even realizing it. There's no stopping what's to come. All I know is this, we all have an ending in our story. Whether that's to be the hero who saves the princess or to be the lost boy, never to find his home again. Which ever ending we have, I only know this, I wouldn't mind if Eren was mine.</p>
<p>This is a love story about two college boys who just happen to find love on the train ride to Almost Normal. </p>
<p>Warning: In later chapters of this story there will be triggers, mild smut, swearing, self harm, and depressed characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note- Hi everyone! Welcome to my first ever fanfic. As you can tell I ship Eremin like it's my religion. In this fanfiction, most of the chapters will be in Amrin's point of view, but there will be some that will be in Eren's. This chapter is just going to be a short little insight into Armin so it will be shorter than the future chapters. I will try and update as soon as possible, and if you could comment or whatever you do to give feedback, that would be great! I hope all of you enjoy! Happy Reading! -Zenovia

Armin's POV

Intro

 

This world is sometimes too complex to handle. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, and I won't be able to experience that. I don't understand much about the complexity of the universe and the whole "living life to the fullest" thing, but trust me, I'm trying my hardest to grasp hold of what information I can. Sometimes I think that it's sad that I'm a college student still trying to figure out what I will amount up to in life. Sometimes I think that it is pathetic that I still have an existential crisis every time I think about my future. But hey, that's just in my nature. Armin Arlert, that's me, the boy who is trying desperately hard to write about something awe inspiring, all while trying to look for something inspirational.

I don't know how to explain things very well, I have always been the kid in the back of the class with his hand raised waiting for the teacher to call on him but yet never gets called because I would stutter the answer. Society would call me a "virgin" but I like to think of it as still trying to grasp the idea of love. In high school, I never had any friends. Sure everybody knew of me but, nobody ever knew me. Yes, I am a little depressed, but not to the point of going to extreme measures. I'm just lonely. I crave for the attention that everybody already has, but for some odd reason, I can't seem to have it. Maybe it's because of my girlish like complexion, but I can assure you, I am most definitely a man. Although, my tormentors in high school would beg to differ. Whenever I hear the idiotic rhyme about "sticks and stones" and "breaking bones" I cringe in memory. Trust me, the names stick longer than the bruises and cuts ever will. 

All I wish for is a friend. For some people, if they had the opportunity to have any wish granted for them in the blink of an eye, would wish for money, power, love, a superhuman ability, or immortality. But what I crave most in this ungodly world, is a friend. Somebody who can finally understand all of the mysteries of the universe that I can't seem to wrap my head around. Somebody to tell me that I'm not insane for thinking the way I think. Somebody who will tell me when I'm doing something wrong. Somebody to trust, somebody to care for, somebody to feel normal with. 

So as I am sitting here, alone on this particular empty train, back to my empty dorm room with my computer flashing its huge big, white, blank screen at me, I start to ponder what it would feel like to finally find my footing. To finally be able to type what I have been trying to say to myself for almost nineteen years of my life. To finally be able to accept me for who I am, and not have the endless record of those ridiculing names playing over and over in my head as if they were background noise to everything I have ever decided in my life. To be able to thrive and enjoy life in my own skin. To maybe find a lover. To maybe be happy. To have a first kiss before I wither away into nothingness, to be successful in my writing career, to be able to look in the mirror, and not be ashamed of who I am. 

I chuckle to myself by realizing how much my inner introvert comes out when I am on the train ride home. I simply decide to try and focus my attention on the constant drumming of music that is playing through my headphones. I find the perfect song to describe my mood. "Creep" by the band Radiohead. As the pulsing drum and guitar vibrate my mind with its melodious tune, I can feel a presence of eyes staring at me from the opposite side of the second floor of the train that I am on. I tell myself I dare not to look because the last time I dared to do that, I nearly got pummeled to smithereens by a man almost three times the size of me because he thought I was "eyeing his girl." But my curiosity wins over my logic once again and I look through the corners of my bright blue eyes, and I nearly fall right out of my seat at the sight I'm greeted with. My eyes are locked onto two bright gleaming emerald eyes who are looking right at me. And for the first time in my life, I finally feel visible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note- Hello everyone! I'm so excited to officially start this fic! There are no warnings for this chapter other than excessive cuteness and an overload of feels :) I hope all of you enjoy! And don't forget to comment any suggestions to make the story come alive even more. Happy Reading -Zenovia

Armin's POV 

Chapter 1

 

I can't begin to explain to you how socially awkward I'm functioning in this situation. From before I can remember, I have always had trouble talking to strangers, or even people that I knew. I was always afraid that I would spit out something embarrassing the moment the atmosphere got tense. This awkward encounter however, probably takes the prize for the 'Most Embarrassed I Can Feel About Myself' award. No matter what I do, I seem to keep stealing glances at the mysterious boy across the train. I try and tune out all of my emotions by listening to the sweet tune of my music. And maybe the song "Falling Slowly" from the musical Once, isn't the best choice for a song because with each new verse, I keep wanting to catch a sight of the boys green eyes again. They truly were mesmerizing. The way they almost took on the color amber when they hit the light just right, and if I was able to stare long enough, I could even see hints of blue in them. But then reality hit me like a slap to the face. What I was doing could be interpreted as "creepy" and "stalker-ish" so I tried with all my might to not look at the boy across the train.

Tuning out the world had become something I was a pro at. All I had to do was clear my mind of all the distractions that were clouding my mind of "what if's?" Music also helped this process. To listen to the instruments and the background noise rather than the actual lyrics always calmed me, and intrigued me at the same time. I would look out the window of the train and start to paint a story in my head of what was here 1,000 years ago. I imagined all of the people and each of their lives as if I knew every single one of them. An evil prince would steal away the poor maiden but the blacksmith's son would come to rescue the frail maiden and of course, the two lived happily ever after. 

I never understood why I like to write fairy tales of lands that consist of dragons and deep blue oceans that are so deep, you can never reach the bottom. In a way, I think they help me cope with not being able to express my feelings to other people, so I just decide to monologue in my mind.

Before I know it, I have forgotten all about Mr. Emerald Eyes sitting on the other side of the train. He seems like a distant dream that even if I tried to reach out and grasp hold of it, it would slip away like grains of sand falling from a fragile hand. I try and concentrate more on falling into the stories that I have made up in my head, but then I hear an announcement pulsate over the train that says that my stop is coming up in the next four minutes. To my disappointment, I grudgingly start to gather all of my possessions that are scattered over the unused chair in front of me. I pick up my notebook of what I like to call "My shitty ideas that won't stop bothering me until I write them down." I gather my sweatshirt that has my school's name and mascot on it, and I also grab hold of my closed umbrella because with my luck, it will start to downpour right when I step off of this train.

I check to make sure I have everything that I need when I realize I'm missing something. I don't have my bag that contains my laptop and creative writing homework in it. I start to look around the train, when the bright red bag comes into my field of vision. Its sitting on the luggage carrier in the middle of the aisle, connecting the two sides of the train. I stand up to grab for my bag, not really paying attention to what I am doing, when I feel a flash of heat on my corpses hand. My attention gets snapped into focus when I realize that Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome is standing on the opposite side of the luggage carrier, and our hands have made contact with each other. Our eyes seem to be locked on each other, having no way to escape this contest to see who will pull away from the comforting touch first. I get to have a close up look at the colors that play in his eyes. It's like I'm looking through a kaleidoscope there are so many colors. But the one color that seems to be dominating all of the others is that shimmering emerald green. I examine all the little details on his porcelain tan skin. I notice the intricate little sun freckles that dot his cheeks, that just happen to be growing redder with each passing second. I notice the dimples that rest upon the bottom of his cheeks. His hair sweeps over in different directions as though he just got off a roller coaster. He is seemingly beautiful to me. He looks like a Greek god out of a storybook. 

I'm so entranced by everything about him that I don't even realize he has said something to me until he is waving his other hand in front of my face to see if my brain is still receiving oxygen. I blink a few times and stutter out 

"I...I'm sorry, what did you say?"

The figure replies with "I was asking if you were okay? And that you're grabbing the wrong bag." My eyes look down to our hand, which still happen to be slightly touching, and now that my eyes are in focus, I can count that there are in fact, two red bags on the carrier in front of me. Although, it isn't the similar color that shocks me, it is the name of the college that is printed on the front of the bag. It is the same school that I go to!

I squeak out a small "Oh, I'm sorry, my bad." I move my hand to grab the correct bag, and I start down the stairs to the lower level of the train to exit out of the doors. Just like I had predicted earlier, the second I walked out of the doors, it started to pour. With my umbrella in one hand and my other belongings in the other, I start the walk to my empty dorm room.

I was about to put in my headphones and zone out the world, until I heard somebody calling my name. I kept hearing the faint shouts of "Armin!" get closer and closer until I recognized the dark haired boy from the train, rushing with great speed to reach me. I immediately stopped walking, and I waited for him to catch up to where I was. When he was next to me, he was sweaty and panting from running in the rain. 

I looked up into his eyes and asked "How do you know my name?"

The boy replied with "I think we must have grabbed the wrong bags back on the train. I was lucky enough to realize this when I saw that the inside of the bag said Armin instead of my name." 

I grabbed the red bag that I held in my hand and looked inside the flap and saw that there was a name in black sharpie marker that stated the owner of the bag. I read the name over and over again, just to make sure that I would never forget it. "Eren. Eren Jaeger. What a strange name. But who am I to talk about strange names here?" I thought.

Eren kept talking, he said "I'm just glad that I caught you before you were too far to get your attention. Anyway my name is Eren." 

Eren held out his hand and I was leery of grasping at first, but if I didn't he might think me odd. So I grabbed hold of his hand and smiled and I replied with "Armin, Armin Arlert." 

Eren smiled a mischievous smile and said "Well it's nice to formally meet you Armin. I never knew that we went to the same school." Eren chuckled "Small world huh?" I just smiled as giggled to myself and told him that it was nice to meet him as well, but that I really should be going. Eren reluctantly agreed and started to walk away. 

It wasn't ten steps later that I hear Eren calling out my name again. And when I asked if he needed anything, he said "Um, listen, I know that I barely know you, but I...I um...I was wondering if you maybe you wanted to get coffee sometime? Maybe catch a movie, or just hang out?"

Eren's cheeks were a pale pink and he was clasping his hands as if he was nervous talking to me. To ME, of all people, he wanted to talk and hell, maybe even hang out with me! An asteroid could have crashed against the Earth and I would have been perfectly fine because somebody finally wanted to get to know me. When I got out of my little daze, I realized that my cheeks were flushed and the palms of my hands were a little sweaty. 

I told Eren that "I would love to get coffee and hang out sometime. How does Friday night at 5:00pm sound?" Eren's smile widened even more. 

He said "Friday sounds great! Here let me give you my number so you can call or text me if anything changes." He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled out a sharpie marker and quickly scribbled down the number on the palm of my hand, and it was like I was back on the train again. I was transfixed by all of his small little features and I was quickly pulled out of my fixation when he let go of my hand and said "There, just text me whenever you can! Well I should probably get going. I will see you soon Armin! Bye!" He left as quickly as he came with the right red bag in place. I started to walk back to my dorm, and as I was looking around at the dreary weather around me, I didn't feel so alone anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note- Wow! Thank you so much to everybody who has been reading! So without further ado, here is chapter 2. Happy Reading! -Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 2

 

I couldn't keep all of my thoughts in order after getting back to my dorm room. I felt like I was soaring on a roller coaster that kept going on forever. This was something that I'd dreamed for every night, but I didn't think that it would actually happen to me, of all people! Me! Armin Arlert had reached for the starts today and I did the impossible, and my reward, was Eren.

All I wanted to do when I got back to my small home was to dance all of my emotions out until I passed out from exhaustion. And that's exactly what I did. I'm lucky enough to live on my own because if somebody had walked into the room, they would have been greeted with the sight of an ecstatic nineteen year old boy, with shoulder length blonde hair, jumping up and down on his single bed, with bright blue headphones in his ears, and only clad in some basketball shorts, dancing to the beat of his own drum.

Before I knew it, I started spinning around the room like a top. With each note of music that pulsed through my ears, I would spin faster and faster. The posters on my wall flew past me as if I was riding in a car going 100 miles per hour on the interstate. I was pulled into a vortex of sounds and colors. With each spin, the torturous words that I was faced with every waking moment, flew away like a bird's feather falling in the distance. I soon forgot each of the names that I'd been called in my miserable life. And only one word remained in the back of my head. Eren. 

Honestly, I never would've guessed that this "emerald eyed beauty" might just possibly, be the first friend that I'd have. The thought of this made me spin faster and faster. I was spinning so fast that colors formed together as if they were one big color tornado. 

However, since I wasn't paying attention to where my two little feet were carrying me, I spun right into my desk, which earned me a huge red mark on the side of my right hip. I muttered a few curses and paused one of my favorite songs "Collar Full" by Panic! At the Disco, on my phone. I was panting and sweating from this little bit of exercise I did, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing. My smile was grinning so wide that the Cheshire Cat would have been jealous of me. 

I sprawled out on my floor and looked up at my plain, white ceiling. I kept thinking that maybe my life was going to change on Friday. That I'd be able look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I wasn't alone anymore. That I had a friend. Just the thought of calling Eren my friend sent shivers down my spine. So many thoughts were cascading through my mind, that before I even realized it, my eyes were starting to droop ever so slightly. So many things had happened that day, that I wasn't surprised that I feel asleep withing the first ten minutes of laying on the carpeted floor of my dorm room. 

I was slowly sucked into my dreams, and you'd think that with all of the amazing things that had happened to me today, I'd dream sweet dreams of sunshine and Eren, but that's where the fantasizes end. Instead my dream was as terrorizing as the girl from the Grudge. In my sleep I saw fire, its warmth was encasing me like a prison cell. Eren was in my dream too. He was mumbling through words that I couldn't hear. But each time that I tried to understand what he was saying, the fire would wrap around me closer and closer, until I was worried about suffocating. Then, as if death himself was coming out of the shadows, another figure emerged from all of the smoke, but the smoke was so black and thick that I couldn't see who this mysterious person was. All I wanted to do was scream and run out of the fire. I realized that tears were streaming down my eyes, and all I wanted was for somebody to wake me up, to try and get me out of this horrible nightmare, that seemed like was lasting for a lifetime.

I woke up in a cold sweat. I heard the distant sound of my phone playing the Star Wars theme song. Somebody was trying to call me, which could only mean one thing. I was late for class. I grudgingly picked up the phone to hear my study partner, Marco, yell through the phone 

"Armin! Where are you? Class is going to start in five minutes and you know how Mr. Ganble is." 

"Fuck me." I thought. I quickly scrambled to my feet and grabbed my Intro to Psych notebook. 

I spoke to Marco, "I'll be there in three minutes, if Ganble starts to take role, please try and distract him for me?" I heard a groan and muttering through the other side of the phone. 

"You better hurry Arlert, I don't want to face the wrath of Ganble just to cover your ass." I said a quick thanks, and grabbed the skateboard that resided on my unmade bed and rushed down the hill to make it to my class in time. 

In case you were wondering, Marco is just my study partner from time to time. I once thought that he could be my first friend, but he got a boyfriend named Jean, and all of a sudden, I was seeing Marco less and less. I don't have anything against the couple, but I do wish that I could sit with them at lunch, or try and talk to Marco outside of study time. He's a very nice guy though. Jean on the other hand can be a bit intimidating once in a while. But whenever I would ask Marco about his beloved boyfriend, he would just say that he isn't good with new people, and that'd be the end of the discussion.

As I hopped off my skateboard and ran into the science and economics building. I checked the time on my phone, it was 9:58. I had two more minutes to get to the class, just enough time if i skated across the linoleum floor, which is just what I did. My blonde hair whipping through the air, and while my skateboard glided across the floor, I felt this certain type of rush pour into my veins, like I was going through a strong high or something. Then my eyes caught attention of Marco standing outside the door of Mr. Ganble's classroom. I kicked my leg on the floor once more and I was pushed forward until I skidded to a halt to run into the classroom. I checked the clock hanging on the wall and I had fifteen seconds to spare before Mr. Ganble took role. He looked at me through his squinted gray eyes, and I swear, I thought I saw him smirk at me. Once the clock struck 10:00, Mr. Ganble stood up from is chair and grabbed his clipboard. Since he's one of the oldest teachers on campus, he still likes to take roll call which truthfully, is ineffective, because it takes almost fifteen minutes to get through all of the students, and since I'm one of the first ones to get called, I just get to zone out and crawl into my own little world for the little amount of time. 

Most of my professors notice that I excel in most of my classes. The only class that I really struggle with, is my creative writing class. My professor is very kind and allows us all and efficient amount of time to complete our stories, but I always feel as if I'm just sliding by in her class. Like I haven't found my touch yet. 

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as Mr. Ganble finishes roll call, and starts off class like every other day.

After I finish with today's classes, I decide to skateboard back home. I put in my infamous bright blue headphones and hit 'Shuffle' on my phone. I keep pressing skip until I find a song that would give me that rush when I was riding this morning. I find my song. It's "Charlie Brown" by Coldplay, and before I know it, I'm skating off into the distance. I start to think about stories I could come up with. I think about the meaning of the universe and all of its complexities. I just think. 

I'm so entranced by my own thoughts that I don't hear somebody yell "Stop!" until I collide with a tall figure. I pull out my headphones and look up to apologize to the unfortunate soul, when my breath catches.

"Eren! Oh my goodness I'm so sorry! I'm so clumsy sometimes. Here, let me help you gather your stuff."

There are multiple papers strewn everywhere. Eren just smiles down on me and says "Armin! Hey, I didn't know that you were a skater."

"Yeah, well there are a lot of things that you don't know about me. One being that I am very accident prone, which you just exhibited first hand."

Eren just giggles at my comment and says "Here let me help you with that." He starts to grab papers that've been blown onto my side. When I go to grab one of the last ones, I feel that spine tingling heat upon my hand again. I look up to see Eren looking down at our hands. He smiles that little mischievous smile and he says "We should really stop meeting like this." And he gives me a little smirk, and I can feel my face growing red. I decide to just hand him the paper, rather than say something embarrassing. 

As I grab the last paper, I notice that it's sheet music. Eren notices that I'm reading through the music and he says "Oh, that's just something that I'm working on for fun, it's nothing special." But I'm looking at the lyrics and they bring some sadness to my heart

I'm sorry for the words

I was just not what you preferred  

I'm sorry for the lies

So just leave me and my tear stricken red-eyes

I don't know what to say as I look over it. Then I say something that brings a light to Eren's green eyes "This is beautiful." He looks up at me and he utters out a small "You think so?" and I reply, "Yes, I mean the lyrics have a very strong meaning, but all words should. Words need to mean something, they can't just be something that just suits us, they need to make people think, and maybe with time, people will understand."

Eren just stands there, a little surprised by what I've said, and for a second, I think that he's mad at me, but he raises his head and says "You're the first person who finally understands my love for words." My heart flutters a little at his comment. This is something that we could talk about and discus over for a very long time and I just reply with "And you're the first person to not laugh at me for my obsession with words." We both start to laugh and for some reason. I don't want to stop laughing with Eren. Even before we hang out tomorrow, I already know a common interest that we have. 

We exchange a few more comments and then we are off on our separate ways, but before I can hop on my skateboard, Eren yells across the road "You should try and teach me how to skateboard sometime!" I yell back "Only if you teach me how to write sheet music!" I can hear him laugh at my comment and I watch him walk back to his dorm room.

When I start the ride back to my room all I can think of is that, without even really knowing me, Eren and I are already connected. We are strung together by my favorite things in the world. But there are no amount of words that could explain what I am feeling for the Emerald eyed boy who loves words just as much as I do.


	4. Chapter 4

Armin's POV

Chapter 3

 

All I wanted to do was press fast forward on all of my classes during that Friday morning. I had so much running through my mind, it was if there was a traffic jam in my brain, not allowing me to concentrate on my lectures and surroundings during the day. I couldn't believe that Friday was already here. This day could decide a lot of things in my future. From this day forth, I might not be alone anymore. I could be able to use my phone to call and text somebody, rather than just use it to indulge myself in my music. I had no idea what to expect from this "hanging out session" but all I knew was that I got to be closer to Eren. And that was all that mattered. He seemed to bring me a small light in my pit of darkness. He was the only person to make me laugh a legitimate laugh. He brought this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, that I could only describe as the feeling of an ocean current. It tossing over and over again, not having any mercy for anybody who sinks further into its depths of cold water. As much as this ocean type feeling in my stomach would not go away, whenever I thought about the boy or saw him, I couldn't help deny that I enjoyed the sensation.

The second that classes ended, I hopped on my skateboard and rode home. It was getting colder with each passing day, which meant that once it first snowed, I wouldn't be able to ride to any of my classes, which meant that I'd have to walk, in the freezing cold. Alone. Flashbacks of my high school days passed through my head like an old film. The feeling of having people look at you, with their eyes of daggers. The horrible gut wrenching feeling of hearing that one, single, word. The word that played over in my head, as if it was on a track that was stuck on repeat. The feeling of having nobody to protect you when the attackers decided to strike, for no apparent reason. Just feeling, alone...empty...numb...useless.

I tried to shake all of these depressing feelings off. I had an important night coming up in only, two hours. Two hours of pacing around my dorm room waiting for Mr. Emerald Eyes to pick me up. Two hours of waiting was certainly going to be the death of me. When I unlocked my door to walk into my dorm room, I went straight for my bed. I laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Just then I had a sudden realization. I hadn't called or texted Eren yet. I quickly grabbed my phone, and the piece of paper that I had written his phone number on so I wouldn't forget it. I typed the numbers into the appropriate place, and typed a quick message 

To Eren: Hey Eren, it's me, Armin. I was just wondering if you had anything planned for tonight so I can dress accordingly, and to know if I need any money.

I waited for a reply, and while I waited I put on some music, the song that came up was "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers. This song was one that put me in my "I'm going to try and write something inspirational" moods. Although, it wasn't too long into the chorus that I had a reply from Eren. 

From Eren: Oh, hey Armin! I was afraid that you had forgotten about me for a sec ;) but as for clothing, just wear casual stuff and maybe bring like five dollars. But I'm going to surprise you for what I've planned for this evening ;) I'll pick you up at like 4:30. See you soon!

My heart pounded a little faster. What kind of surprise did Eren have for me? I looked at the clock on my desk. It was already 3:15. I had a little bit of time to get ready. I decided that I should probably go shower and get cleaned up before I go out.

By the time I was done showering and got dressed. I only had fifteen more minutes until Eren was supposed to pick me up. I started to pace around my room in anxiousness. I didn't know what to expect for all of this. but yet I was excited at the same time. A tsunami of emotions were clouding my judgement. But after a few minutes of pacing up and down my little room, I heard a knock at the door. I reached for the doorknob, and was greeted with having Eren grab my hand and run out of the door and into the hallway. "Eren! Slow down! Where are we going?" 

"There is no time to waist my friend! We have places to be, spectacular sights to see, thrilling adventures to explore!" Eren replied.

I pulled my hand out from his grasp. I stopped dead in the hallway. "Friend. Am I dreaming, or did he just say that I was his friend." I thought. My mind seemed to be running hurdles to get oxygen to my brain because for some reason, I couldn't seem to comprehend what Eren just said to me. Eren looked back at me, his grinning face fell when he noticed that I was standing in the middle of the hallway.

"Armin, are you okay? You look really pale."

"Eren...did you really mean what you just said?"

"What do you mean?"

"Y-You called me your friend. Do you really mean that?"

"Well, yeah! Of course! I mean, I want to hang out with you more, and I want to get to know you more, so this is what a newly formed friendship does. They hang out at some random places and just talk and share stories from the past so the other person can take a look into their life to get a feel for their new friend."

I was absolutely stunned. He wanted to be my friend. I thought that maybe this was all a hallucination that I'd made up, but no. He was here, and he was real, and he wanted to become my friend. I was pulled out of my daze at this sudden realization, and I walked over to him and grabbed his warm hand and said,

"Well Mr. Emerald Eyes, take me on an adventure." 

He laughed at my comment "Mr. Emerald Eyes, okay, I like it, but only if I can call you Blondie!" I laughed and said "Fine. Now take me to this super secret place for our first adventure."

Eren drove himself and me in his Chevy truck to the secret location. It only took about five minutes to get there but I realized while we were walking up the stairs, that I was going into his dorm room.

Eren unlocked the dorm and I was met with a huge keyboard and empty sheet music everywhere. "Tada!!" Eren exclaimed. 

"Is this for me?" I asked "Yeah! I remember when you collided with me on your skateboard, and told me that you'd love it if I'd teach you how to write sheet music one day, so I'm going to teach you the best I can." Eren said. My mouth was hanging open at the surprise he had planned for me. I couldn't believe that he remembered the little conversation that we had only yesterday! "Well, lets get started!" I said.

We walked over to the keyboard and sat at the little bench that was situated a few inches away from it. Eren started to explain to me the idealistic that went into composing music. You had to think of a tune, then the notes, then the lyrics, and then restart the process all over again sometimes. I watched as he played the notes on the keyboard. His fingers seemed to float over the keys as if he weren't even touching them. I tried to play a few of the notes myself, and whenever I messed up, he would gently grab my fingers and move them to the right position. Every time he performed that little action, it sent shivers from the top of my head, all the way down to my toes. I started to steal glances from him again, just like back on the train that fateful night. When I looked into his eyes, he had a sense of contentment in them, like he knew exactly what he was doing, without fumbling over the notes. He was so calm while he pressed the black and white keys on the keyboard, like he was going to his own quite world, where only he was allowed inside.

When it came time to sing the lyrics, his voice was like honey. It was strong and sweet at the same time. He had me so entranced that I didn't even realize that I was harmonizing with him until he looked at me with a surprised look of shock in his eyes. "Armin, I didn't know that you could sing!" 

"Oh, that, that was nothing. Sometimes I just have a knack of harmonizing to a tune. But I don't usually like to sing when other people are watching. I get very insecure and nervous." I said. Eren just looked at me with those piercing emerald eyes and said, "Well, you can sing very well. I was pleasantly surprised when I heard you harmonize with me. It was really good, Armin." "Thank you." I replied.

I continued to speak, "Well thank you so much for the surprise Eren. I loved it a lot!" but suddenly, he smiled that mischievous little grin of his, and I knew that he had something else up his sleeve. "Weell....." he dragged out "that's not all. I have one more thing planned for us tonight, but first lets order some pizza, I'm starving!" I reluctantly agreed and gave him my five dollars when the pizza arrived. We both ate the whole thing and then left for our last destination of the night.

I knew that we were close to the location when Eren told me to cover my eyes so that I wouldn't see where we were. I said "Is this where you plan on murdering me and hiding my dead body?" Eren laughed until he started coughing. "Just keep your eyes closed." he said. And so I did. After a little while I felt the truck stop, and I heard Eren get out of the vehicle. He took my hand in his so I didn't trip and fall when I got out of the truck.

"Alright, open your eyes." Eren whispered in my ear. I opened my eyes to a park, but it wasn't your normal park. It had a beautiful lake right next to the slide. There was a small amphitheater in the middle of many beautiful flowers and the grass was so lush and healthy, it felt like a blanket when you laid down on it. 

"Eren, this place...it's amazing!" I said. 

"It's my thinking place." Eren replied. "Whenever I feel like the world is plotting against me, or I just need some time to myself, I come here. Sometimes I swing, other times I go swimming, but a lot of the times, I do absolutely nothing. I just like to sit here and observe my surroundings. I feel as if the Earth and I are at peace in this place, if you get what I mean."

"I totally understand." I said. "Everybody needs something to escape to, for me, it's writing and reading. For you it is this place and your music." Eren just nodded his head. Then he lead me to the swing set and we just sat, looking at everything around us. I felt so tranquil, so at peace with everything here. There was no more stress or worries about school. There was no tormenting bullies from high school. There was only Eren, me, and the swing-set, and that was all I needed.

Everything was quiet, until Eren said, "So Blondie, what's your story? What's your past history? Who are you?" I was a little leery of telling him everything about me, but this is what you do in a new friendship. You share things, you give each other advice, you just talk. 

"Well, my story is pretty boring, so be prepared to fall asleep. I was originally born in England, but my parents thought that I'd have a better future here in the States, so we moved here. I was a pretty quiet child. I barely said anything, except to my mom, dad, and grandfather." I stopped talking for a few seconds, for I knew what was next to come in my tragic story. "When I was about six years old, my parents flew back to England to visit some relatives, but they never came back home. They both died in a freak plane accident. I never got to say goodbye. I never saw them again. I remember the last thing they said to me..."Be strong Armin." and each day I feel as if I've disappointed them. After they died, I stopped talking for the longest time. Many people picked on me in Elementary School, then Middle School, all the way leading up to High School. I was pegged 'Teachers Pet' I got called a lot of words, ranging from 'Freak' to 'Spaz' to 'Fa....'" 

I stopped on that one word. I looked at Eren and he finished the word for me "Faggot." he said. I just nodded my head. I continued to talk "I had a lot of people beat me up and I wasn't in the best mental place in high school. I wanted to take some extreme measures sometimes, but then I would think of my parents last words "Be strong Armin" and I continued on living. I thought that college would be better, but for the whole of Freshman year, I was alone. I didn't have any friends, and nobody talked to me. A lot of people asked me if I was mute since I never said anything to anybody. I've been alone my whole life Eren, but I'm just thankful that I got onto that train last week because ever since that night, I feel a little bit more whole."

Eren just sat there for a few minutes. I could tell that he was shocked at what I told him, but I'd never opened up to somebody like that before. I think all along, I just needed to expel all of these feelings from me because in this moment, I feel like I can be me for once in my life.

A moment later I felt Eren take hold of my hand in his, and he whispered only for me to hear, "I will never leave you."

I looked at him incredulously and held onto his hand like I was holding on for dear life. By this time, the night sky had been lit up like the New York skyline. We were looking at all of the stars when Eren said "Lets pick out our own constellations, in celebration of our new friendship." We looked up at the sky for what seemed like hours, when Eren said "Lets be the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper." 

"Why do you want those two?" I questioned him.

"Because no matter what season it is, or how hard you try and separate the two constellations, they will always be together, and no force, no matter how powerful, can change that."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all of the hits and Kudos! I don't know what I would do without all of you. Here is Chapter 4! Happy Reading!-Zenoiva

Armin's POV

Chapter 4

 

Time seemed to blow away like the leaves on the trees. Eren and I had become so close with each other over the past month. He kept me level whenever I'd feel unbalanced, and I'd insure that he kept out of any trouble. Over the month, I learned that Eren was somewhat ADHD and ADD. I had to make sure not to give him any sugar if we were hanging out at night because it was like the boy did not have an off switch. He would just keep talking like it was his last day on Earth, and he had to spill all of his deep, dark secrets. Although, I loved it whenever he talked. He spoke with so much enthusiasm and excitement. He would look me straight in the eyes, and he would sometimes grab me by my shoulders and shake me like a rag doll just to get his point across.

He would tell me the funniest things, but sometimes the more somber things as well. I soon learned that he had an adopted sister, Mikasa. She went to a private school only about an hour away. But he told me that when the two were younger, they had to face seeing Eren's mom fight a hard battle with Cancer. Apparently, she fought for many years, and sometimes, there were days that would seem like she wasn't in the hospital at all. She seemed like the next day, she would be able to finally go home to be with her children, but when Eren was about fifteen, his mother finally ended her battle with Cancer the hard way. When Eren told me this, his eyes seemed darker than usual. It was if he was traveling back to the time when his mom was in pain and agony. My heart seemed a little bit heavier when I saw him like this. This wasn't a type of Eren that I was used to seeing. He was usually always so optimistic and eager to do anything, but watching him look off into space like this, broke my heart a little bit. He continued to tell me that when his mom passed away, Mikasa and Eren had to go live with there an excuse for a father. For the rest of Eren's teenage life, he had to fend for himself, but his sister was always there every step of the way with him. Eren also got picked on a little during high school, but not to the point of my tormenting. Many people would call him a 'Spaz' or 'Control Freak' and one time, he did get called the horrible 'F' word. He got into many fights in school, but since he had just recently lost his mother, the school pushed it under the rug, and said that he was "still in the grieving process."

His father called him the "troubled child," and that he'd be glad the second Eren moved out of the house. And that's exactly what he did. He moved far away from his father and Mikasa followed him as well. From what Eren told me, the two siblings were very close and protective of each other. If one of them were ever in some kind of trouble, the other would be there by them, no matter what the situation. Eren told me that once Thanksgiving break was in motion, I should be able to formally meet her.

Before we went back to our separate dorms, after we would finish talking, we would just hug each other. We would stand there at the doorway and pull into a tight embrace. I would rest my head into the crook of his neck and he would seem to hold me just the slightest bit tighter, as if he was afraid I would disappear into smoke. I'd take a deep breath in, and I would catch a smell of a mixed odor of incense and chocolate, that could only be described as Eren's cologne. Breathing in that sweet air made my stomach do somersaults. Then we would pull away from each other, and we would look into each others eyes, and Eren would utter out a small "Thank you Armin, for always listening."

And that would be the end of the night, but for some reason, every time I walked back to my dorm, I couldn't stop thinking of Eren. He was like a photograph that was embedded into my mind so that I wouldn't forget him. My stomach kept tossing and turning, and I just thought that I must be getting sick or something because I've never felt this certain sensation.

Time kept speeding past us, and before I knew it, it was almost Halloween. I couldn't keep my excitement inside me when I realized that the special holiday was coming up so fast. One day, when I finally had the courage to sit with Marco and Jean at their lunch table; since Eren had a class during my open lunch hour, the pair questioned me why I liked Halloween so much.

I told them that "You get to be somebody else for a whole night! You get to pretend to have somebody else's life, and plus you get candy! What's not to like?" 

"Okay, but Armin, we're in college now, we can't go around trick-or-treating anymore." Jean said. 

"I know I can't go around and get free candy from random peoples houses, but you can go to the gas station and buy a lot of cheap candy and just have the same amount of fun." I replied. Marco just looked at Jean and shrugged his shoulders. I asked the couple if they had any plans for Halloween night, when Marco said "Actually we were just going to ask you the same thing. Jean and I have a small apartment like five minutes outside of campus, and we were thinking of inviting a few friends to come over and watch some scary movies for the special occasion. Would you want to come?"

I was pleasantly surprised. I was just expecting to eat some candy alone in my dorm room like I did last year, but I finally got invited to a party for my favorite holiday! "Would it be okay if I brought somebody with me?" I asked 

"Depends on who is is." Jean replied. 

"Eren, Eren Jaeger." I said. Jean groaned in frustration and Marco gently nudged him with his elbow. 

"That would be perfectly fine Armin." Marco said.

Jean all of a sudden had a smug look on his face and said "So Armin, I have noticed that you and Eren have been hanging out a lot, recently, it's like whenever I see you walking across campus, Eren is always there with you. Is there something you aren't telling us?" My eyes grew wide, and I could already feel my cheeks growing warmer with each passing second. 

I quickly got lost in my thoughts, "What is Jean trying to get at? Of course I hang out with Eren. He understands me and likes me for who I am, despite all of my outstanding flaws, he sees the good in me, and I enjoy spending time with him. It isn't like I have a....a....crush...no. Never, I would never have a crush on Eren. That's ridiculous! I just like spending time with him. That's it..."

"Armin? Earth to Armin! Are you there?" Marco was shouting at me. I was pulled out of my thoughts and stared at the two. "Sorry, I zoned out there for a sec, what were you saying Jean?" 

"I was asking if you have a little thing for Eren. I won't judge you if you do. Although, he can be a pompous asshole sometimes..." Jean said.

"Jean!" Marco exclaimed. I just sat there for a few seconds longer, trying to find words. I had never really thought about Eren in that sort of way. I wasn't even sure if I was gay. So many different thoughts were rushing past my mind. "Was I gay? How long have other people noticed that I have been hanging out with Eren? Were the people in high school right all along? Who am I?"

"Armin, just try and ignore Jean, he just doesn't think before he speaks." Marco glared over at Jean. Jean just shrugged his shoulders like he didn't care if he just brought me the worst midlife crisis ever! "But anyways Armin, would you want to come to the party, it will be a lot of fun, and don't worry, there will only be like maybe ten other people there. Not too big of a crowd." Marco said. "Yes, I'll come. Just text me where and when." All three of us exchanged phone numbers, then went on our different paths.

As I was skating home, Jean's words kept playing through my mind "Do you have a little thing for Eren?" For the few months that I had known Eren, I'd never thought of him as anything other than a friend. Sure, Eren was very handsome. There was the way his hair glowed in the sunlight, it looked almost like a warm chocolate brown, and his eyes almost looked like they were glimmering whenever he would talk about something he was passionate about, and the way he was always warm whenever he hugged me or held my hand.

I was thinking about so many things having to do with Eren, that I wasn't looking at the huge crack in the sidewalk until I was vaulted forward from my skateboard and landed in the grass. I had all sorts of leaves in my hair, and I had a few cuts on my arms, but I didn't care about any of that. I could only think of Eren. I tried to think to all the times I was with him, all of the weird sensations that would pulse through my stomach for no reason whatsoever. How I would always blush whenever we came in close contact with each other. All of the times that I wanted to be with him, and how I couldn't seem to get his emerald eyes out of my head.

"Shit." I thought. "I think I might have the smallest crush on Eren." I slowly lifted my head out of all the leaves, and I did the most humiliating thing that I could have done.

I screamed. 

I just screamed all of my frustrations out and all of my sudden realizations out of my mouth. I got some strange glances because to be honest, it was a strange sight to see a little blonde haired boy, waist deep in leaves, just screaming out like I was about to be murdered. I had a crush on Eren. I, Armin Arlert, had a crush on somebody I met only a few months ago. Did that mean that I was gay? I mean, okay sure, I had always liked the way men looked, and I'd never really had a crush on a girl before, and then there was that one time where I was sucked into a game of Truth or Dare, and I got dared to look inside a magazine that just had pictures of men, some with no clothes on, and other only clad in the smallest amount of fabric, and when nobody else was looking, I stuffed the magazine into my shirt for "safe keeping" and just took it home with me. 

I stopped screaming to try and take in everything I was thinking."I...I...I am gay. I'm gay. I am gay. I like boys, and only boys, so I am gay....and...and I am okay with that." I thought. All of a sudden, everything seemed to fit together like I was solving a puzzle. The reason why I took that magazine home, the reasons why I never had a crush on a girl, the ways that I would look at Eren when he wasn't looking. I was gay, and I had a crush on Eren, and I was okay with that. Then I started to laugh. I laughed like a fucking maniac. I laughed until there was no more air in my lungs to support all of my laughing.

It took me nineteen years to realize this, but I was gay. I couldn't feel anymore relieved then I was in that moment. It was like a huge mysterious burden was lifted off of my shoulders, and I could finally be myself. In this moment, with all of my adrenaline in me, I grabbed my skateboard in my hand, and I just ran. I ran all the way back to my dorm without stopping. I ran up the four flights of stairs, and when I unlocked the door, I ran to my small bed and just laid down. I was out of breath, but yet I had so much energy running through my veins. I finally felt free, sure my tormentors might have been right about me being gay, but that wasn't a bad thing. The idea of dating a boy sent a tingling sensation everywhere throughout my body. The idea of kissing a boy, sent a different type of shiver to only a certain place of my body. I was filled with so many emotions. I couldn't believe that I finally figured it out, after all of this time, I could finally feel like I was okay with my identity. I was a bird who had finally found the courage to fly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note- Thank you to everybody who has been reading! I love writing this story so much and I have so much planned for it in the future. So here is Chapter 5, and don't worry, this chapter will be much longer and it will have the Halloween party ;) Happy Reading-Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 5

 

I couldn't seem to wipe the smile off of my face the day before the Halloween party. Things in my life had finally taken a turn for the better. In the matter of only a few months, I had a person who I could easily call my best friend, I finally realized that I was gay, and I was going to my first ever party in a matter of only a few hours. Life seemed simple and easy for once. There was no pressure to pretend like I was okay, or to pretend like I was something I wasn't. I could look in the mirror and not be ashamed of who I was. 

For the special holiday, the college decided that it was okay if the students and faculty dressed up for the occasion. So many thoughts went into picking who I would be this year. The choice had to be perfect. I was standing in my dorm room with Eren, trying to decide what I would be. 

"Armin? Why do you love Halloween so much?" Eren said. 

"Well, there are multiple reasons why I like it, for one, you get to eat as much candy as you want and nobody can tell you otherwise. Another reason is because I love the idea of being somebody else for a single night, to be able to leave your own identity and take somebody else's, and one of the main reasons why I like it so much is because when I was still in high school, I was involved in Pep Band, and each year, we would get to play at a tournament football game on Halloween night. Our band director was cool enough to let us dress up for the holiday and everybody loved it! Halloween came just in time for me some years, whenever I felt like I was beginning to sink into a depression, Halloween saved me from drowning any further. It showed me that life could be exciting and fun, and that sometimes, being somebody else for a single night, wasn't such a bad thing. Ever since then, I've been infatuated with the holiday." 

Eren just smiled at me as I rambled on about the certain holiday. "I think that is absolutely amazing Armin, and your band director sounds really cool." Eren said. 

"Yeah she was. But come on Eren, you are supposed to help me pick out who I am going to be!" I exclaimed. 

Eren laughed at my eagerness "Alright, calm down there Blondie, well has there been anything that you have been totally obsessed with during the year?" Eren asked. I tried to think of what my interests took a turn for this year, then an idea finally popped into my head,

"I've been loving all of the Avengers movies this year! I love Captain America and Hawkeye a lot!" Eren looked up and down at me with eager eyes. I suddenly felt my cheeks growing warmer. Eren just staring at me like this caused the ocean currents to erupt inside my stomach. I tried to keep all of my emotions under control. 

"I think you could totally pull off a more skinnier version of Captain America. I know a person who could totally make the costume really form fitting so it will accent all of your assets in all the right ways." Eren smirked. I giggled at his comment "I don't really have any good assets when it comes to my body." I chuckled. 

"Oh bullshit Armin, there are plenty of good things about your body. You may be skinny, but I've seen some hidden abs whenever your shirt hikes up. And your calves are really big since you skate everywhere you go...and you have a pretty nice ass." Eren winked at that last comment. 

In that moment I could have passed out from the lack of oxygen in my blood. Even though I was always a well spoken person, I had no words to try and make up for what Eren just said. All I did was stare at him, with my sapphire eyes, trying my hardest to keep from having my brain burst a fuse. "Um...I...uh...thank you?" I muttered out. Eren just kept laughing. "Well lets go to the costume shop downtown and pick out a Captain America costume for you." Eren said. 

"Are you going to dress up for tomorrow?" I asked. "Yeah, but my costume is really easy to make so I'll just make it tonight when I head back to my dorm." Eren replied. I looked up at him with eager eyes, "Weeell" I dragged out. 

"Well what?" "Who are you going to be for Halloween?!" I asked. 

Suddenly, Eren's cheeks started to turn pink and his eyes seem transfixed on the carpet. "Eren, is something wrong?" I asked. 

"No, nothings wrong, it's just my costume is a little embarrassing, and I'm probably too old to even try." Eren remarked. "Aww, come on Eren, you're talking to a nineteen, skinny, college boy who is dressing up as the strong, independent, Captain America. You can't really surprise me with what you want to be." I said to the brunette. Eren gave a little sigh, and then said, "Alright, I will tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh at me!" I nodded my head. 

"I...I'm dressing up as Percy Jackson..." My eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh my god Eren, that's so cool! You can totally pull it off! I love that book series so much. Why did you think that I would laugh at you for wanting to be Percy Jackson?" I said. Eren just shrugged his shoulders. "I guess just because everybody calls it a 'Kids Series' and it's an easy read." 

I sighed as I looked into his saddened emerald eyes. "Listen, Eren, it doesn't matter if it's a kids story. Every single book that we read has a story in it. It shouldn't matter if it's a children's tale, or a teen romance novel. They're all stories in the end. We are all stories. We should live life to what we choose it to be. We can be the knights in shining armor, or the mysterious wizards, or we can even be that amazing side character that everybody loves. Stories are stories, and sure, there are some that might not add up to others, but they're still stories. All stories have their differences, so why shouldn't we?" 

Eren finally lifted his head and stared at me for a few seconds with his emerald eyes, until he smiled and said "Armin Arlert, you have a way with words that makes me want to swoon." I just smiled back and giggled. "Thank you Eren, but if anybody makes a remark just try and ignore them because your costume will be awesome Eren. I replied. 

When we got back from the costume shop with my oversize Captain America costume, we went to Eren's friends dorm room to try and tailor it. "Hey Eren, why did we have to get McDonald's even though the food isn't for us?" I questioned. 

"It's a peace offering." Eren said casually, like he had gone through this ordeal a million times before. "Just hold out the food the second she answers the door, and don't ask any questions, okay?" I just nodded my head. I got more anxious the closer we got to her dorm. Was she some type of monster, or was she on some kind of weight loss program and this was her 'Cheat Day', or did she just have a love for food? All of my thoughts were soon answered when Eren knocked on the door. I was met with a beautiful looking auburn haired girl. She had huge brown eyes, and it looked like her mouth was drooling a little bit when she saw what we were holding. Then without us speaking any words, the auburn haired girl said "Alright, I accept your offering, you can come in." 

I was greeted with a messy room that was filled with sewing needles, fabric, and multiple sketches of paper that were filled up with ideas for future clothing apparel all over the blue walls. "Wow," was all that I could say. I went to speak to the tailor about her sketches, but she was already fully indulged with the burger and fries that Eren and I bought her. Eren spoke for me. 

"Armin, this is my friend Sasha. Sasha, this is Armin." Sasha wiped the crumbs off her chin, "So, this is the famous Armin?" She put her hands on her hips and examined me as if I was her own personal model. "Just so you know Armin, whenever I see Eren, all he can talk about is you. Armin this and Armin that. It can be exhausting sometimes." Sasha grinned at me. Her brown eyes flashed a mischievous flash of light. I knew in that moment that I should not mess with this girl, because it looks like she could easily make trouble with just the touch of her finger. "Sasha! Stop over exaggerating." Eren's cheeks were flushed pink, and he was staring at Sasha like he was plotting her murder. 

"Anyways, it's nice to meet you Armin. I can see that you want me to help you with your costume?" She motioned to the unopened Captain America costume in my hands. "Oh, yes! That'd be great! Can you really tailor it that well?" I inquired the auburn haired girl. She quickly stuck a sewing needle in her little push pin bracelet, and lifted her chin like she was a part of royalty. 

"Don't underestimate me. You'll be surprised with what I can do with only a needle and some thread. Now get undressed behind this." She pulled out a little privacy screen, and motioned for me to go and change. I was a little leery of doing it at first, just because Eren was in the room and I would have passed out from embarrassment if he happened to look behind to see me changing, but luckily, that didn't happen.

I stepped out from the screen and Sasha immediately started to stick pins everywhere. Then she took another step back and grabbed the little helmet that was part of the costume and tossed it on her bed. She started to scruff up my hair, and it looked like it was windblown, but in all the right ways. I looked like a dangerous biker, with my hair tousled like this. "Lose the helmet. With your hair like this, you look more sexy. Wouldn't you agree, Eren?" She smiled a little mischievous grin. Eren just nodded his head, but I could tell that he secretly want to strangle Sasha. I just giggled at the situation. Eren and Sasha must have been friends for quite a while for Sasha to know how to push Eren's buttons like this. 

"Alright Armin, I can probably get this done before noon tomorrow. Is that alright?" Sasha said. 

"That sounds great, I don't have a class until 12:30 anyways, so how much will this cost?" I quickly pulled out my wallet, but Sasha waved my hand away. 

"I don't accept money from friends, and besides, you got me food, so that's payment enough." She grinned at me. She already considered me a friend even though we just met. Even though the girl standing in front of me seemed a little spastic and uncontrollable, she was definitely sweet at heart, and was very considerate. 

While Eren was walking me back to my dorm, he was talking about even though Sasha seemed like she was trouble, there was another person who had the same mindset as her. 

"We call them the 'Mischievous Manipulators'." 

"Who is the other person in the duo?" I asked.

"Connie Springer. He's her 'Kind of, Sort of' boyfriend. Whenever we ask one of them about their "relationship" they just dismiss us, and try and change the subject as fast as they can. I think that they are secretly dating behind our back, but they would never admit to that. Although, as much as they hate talking about their own romance, they love getting involved in other people's affairs. I know that you know who Marco and Jean are. Well, a few months before the two started dating, Sasha and Connie would form up plans to try and get the two together because it was so obvious that they had a thing for each other, they just wouldn't admit it to themselves. So Connie and Sasha wrote fake love letters to them, tried to send fake Valentines, and even went as far as trying to make the two meet up for a date, without knowing that the other person was there. So I'm warning you now Blondie," 

Eren stopped walking and stared directly into my eyes. He had a very serious look on his face, as if he was afraid for my well being. 

"Never, let Connie or Sasha find out who you are crushing on because then, you can kiss your sanity goodbye."

I went to bed that night with Eren's warnings still running through my mind. "What happened if they did find out about my crush on Eren? Would they really go to those extreme measures like they did with Jean and Marco? Would they tell Eren about my dirty, little, secret?" I tried to relax my brain. I put some music on, the song was "Let Her Go" by Passenger. The sweet tune of the song finally calmed my mind enough for my eyes to slowly start to droop, and before I knew it, I was pulled away into my sleep.

I was woken up by a regular telephone ring going off on my phone. I groaned, and sluggishly picked up the phone, not bothering to check to see who it was. "Hello?" I said groggily. "ARMIN!" The other side of the phone blasted with the sound of Sasha's voice. 

"Hey listen I know that it's only like 11:30, but I was wondering if you could come to the lunch hall and pick up the costume now. I have to go run some last minute errands and I wasn't going to have time to give it to you by noon. Sorry for the short notice."

I sluggishly got out of bed and wiped the sleep out of my eyes "Yeah, I can come and get it, but Sasha, how did you get my phone number?" I asked. "Oh, Eren gave it to me before I called you, see you in like five minutes. BYE!" She shouted into the phone. 

I got out of bed and quickly put some jeans on and a crappy t-shirt on. I grabbed my skateboard and rode to meet Sasha at the lunch hall. When I got there, I saw that Sasha had what looked like some type of zombie makeup on. Then realization finally set in. Today was Halloween! Suddenly, all of my sleepiness went away and I rushed over to Sasha and grabbed the costume. 

"Now if there's anything wrong with the costume just call me. But hey, are you going to Jean and Marco's party tonight?" 

"Oh yeah! What time does that start?" I asked. 

"Anywhere between seven and eight tonight, but I have got to go, Connie wants me to run errands with him. Bye Armin! See you tonight!" Sasha zoomed off and I was left standing in the middle of the lunch hall, holding my new, tailored, costume. Excitement started to bubble in the pit of my stomach, and I rode with all my might back to my room to try on the costume. 

When I was putting it on, it looked as if Sasha made some color adjustments to it. The brighter blues, where now darker than usual and the reds were darker as well, but the white was much brighter to bring out all of the other colors. When I looked back in the mirror, I gasped. I didn't even realize that it was my body in the costume. My stomach looked like it was toned and my arm muscles looked more defined. My legs looked as if I'd recently run a marathon. I looked like a totally different person, but in all the right ways. And not to brag, but my ass looked very defined. I felt a touch of embarrassment at the thought of walking into the party and have everybody staring at me and my newly formed body. While I was admiring my new costume, I heard a knock at the door, and I went to answer it. Before I could look to see who it was, I heard a gasp. 

"Oh...wow...Armin, you look...you look great." The voice belonged to Eren. I smiled at him and invited him into the room. It wasn't until then that I realized that Eren had his costume on as well. He had on a bright orange shirt on with the words 'Camp Half Blood' with a well drawn on Pegasus. His hair also looked a little windswept, but in the sexiest way possible. His muscles seemed to protrude out of the shirt a little. He was also wearing a beaded necklace and just some normal shorts. "Your costume is amazing Eren!" I said to the brunette. "Thanks." Eren replied. The both of us started talking about the party and then Eren walked me to my first class of the day. When walking around campus, I noticed that most people were dressed up for the holiday. There were many witches, vampires, superheroes, zombies, and naughty nurses. 

After Eren and I departed, I walked into the English building for all of my afternoon and night classes. Although, I could hardly pay attention in any of them. I just wanted to go to the party tonight and have fun with all of my new friends. I was jumping up and down in my seat when my last night class ended. I skated back to my room where Eren was going to pick me up and drive us to Marco and Jean's apartment. When I got to my room Eren was already sitting outside the door and then we made our way to Eren's truck to head to the party.

When the two of us got to the apartment, we saw that it was decorated head-to-toe with fake cobwebs and plastic skulls everywhere. I spotted Marco near the punch table. His costume looked pretty much like his normal clothes, until he turned his head. He had lots of professional movie makeup on, but only on half of his face. Part of his face was untouched, but the other side, had what looked like, blood, torn skin, muscles, and bones. The same went for half of his chest and his legs were fine. He looked absolutely grotesque. "Armin! Wow I love your Captain America costume! Oh let me introduce you to everybody."

It only took a few minutes to meet everyone but they all seemed very nice and friendly. There was Krista and her girlfriend Ymir. Then there was a trio, they were Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner. There was also a chemistry major named Hanji, and her friend Erwin. And then I finally got to meet Connie. He was as hyper and chaotic as Eren described. He was dressed up as Aang from Avatar. Although, as much as Connie was spastic, he was very funny and tried to make things less awkward for me by cracking up jokes every now-and-then. 

This is what I'd dreamed for many years of my life. To be able to hang out with friends and have a nice time with everybody. The room was filled with laughter and excitement that seemed to make the air around me feel warm and inviting. It felt so unreal to me that I was included in all of these festivities, but while I'm standing in the middle of the living room, waiting for the movie to start, everything is starting to look clearer for me. It's like I can finally breath again. It's like a dream. Everything is starting to fit together slowly, and I couldn't contain my excitement for what is next to come in my story. I'd always thought that my tale was a sad and tragic one, but I am standing here, and everything seems almost like paradise, and I feel almost normal.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Thank you to everybody who has been reading so far. I am so excited to continue with this story, and if you guys have any suggestions for it, don't be afraid to message me! So here is the continuation of the Halloween Party! Be prepared for an overload of cuteness! Happy Reading-Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 6

Marco and Jean's apartment was covered in blankets and the smell of popcorn being made. Everybody was rushing into the small living room to reserve their spots for the scary moviethon. Since none of us had classes the next day, we could all stay at the apartment until the early hours of the morning. As I was observing all of my surroundings, I couldn't help but smile and laugh. I must've looked pretty odd, just laughing in the middle of everybody zooming to the living room because I caught the attention of Eren. 

"Hey Armin, you doing okay?" Eren asked. I turned towards him, and my heart started to race, but I kept smiling and replied with "Eren, I couldn't be any happier right now, I feel electric." I laughed. Eren just smiled along with me, and I got to see his cute little dimples come out of hiding. Eren just gently grabbed me behind my back, nearing my waist, and lead me into the living room so we could watch the movie with everybody else. 

Eren and I shared a huge blanket, but yet we were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder. His warmth enveloped me in a tight embrace, and I felt completely calm and at ease. I looked around the room and giggled with what I was greeted with. I saw Connie and Sasha sitting next to each other; probably holding hands underneath the blanket with the way their arms were situated, gobbling down the bowl of popcorn. Then I caught a sight of Ymir and Krista cuddling. Hanji and Erwin were yelling at each other, debating which was the scarier movie, "The Conjuring" or "Annabelle." And the trio of Annie, Bert, and Reiner, were all huddled together underneath a very small blanket. I kept giggling to myself until Marco put in the first scary movie. We were watching a classic, it was called "The Exorcist." I'd heard of the movie before, but scary movies never really phased me. Whenever I thought that I might be getting scared, I'd just think to myself that none of what I'm seeing, is real. Everything is just played up so that Hollywood can survive. With all of my practical thoughts running through my head, I'd never get scared. 

All of my tactical thinking came into great use when the first jump scare occurred. I didn't even blink an eye when the loud music played over the scene. Although, I heard Connie groan, and I looked over and saw that Jean was holding onto Marco tighter than I ever thought was possible. Everything was going fine for me, until there was a more intense scene with the girl getting possessed. My heart started to beat a little faster, and my instincts were telling me to look away, and I would've, if I hadn't suddenly felt Eren's hand on mine. 

My blood seemed to run cold, and it wasn't the movies doing. I didn't know how to react in this situation. Most of the time, Eren and I would only hold hands if it happened on accident, but even after the scary scene was over, Eren's hand was still grasping onto mine. I could feel my cheeks growing warmer, and I was thankful that it was dark in the room because I felt as if my face was as red as a tomato. I just decided to let Eren's hand rest in mine, and with each frightening scene, his hand would clench just a little bit tighter onto mine. Everything was going fine, until one of the most famous scenes in the movie, when the girl's head starts turning like an owls. I heard multiple gasps around the room, and a few screams from Connie and Krista, but the most startling thing was that Eren pressed his face against my chest. He pulled his free hand around my waist and pulled me closer. I could feel that he was shaking in fear. I just decided to do the most natural thing, I pulled him closer into me so that he was almost hugging me. After the scene was over, Eren turned his head so that he could see the TV screen, but every time there was a jump scare or anything remotely frightening, he would nuzzle his face back into my chest. His aroma was so intoxicating, that I started to feel sleepy. I started to absentmindedly play with Eren's hair. With each stroke of my hand, I could feel him start to relax and breath normally. 

This probably looked like something you would have seen in a 1970's romantic movie, but I was never planning on any of this happening. Although, I'm enjoying every second of it because obviously this is only a one time thing. Having Eren rest his head on my chest, is somewhat pleasing my whole body. I don't want to move an inch because I'm scared that he might move away from me. This is one of the first type of intimate physical interactions with somebody. Sure, I've hugged people and held hands with them, but those types of situations only last a few seconds at the maximum. This is a different type of touch for me, I'm frightened by it, but yet I'm intrigued. 

I want more. I want to be able to hold him, and I want to be able to hear his heartbeat in my ear. I want to stay in this moment forever. Everybody else in the room has seemed to disappear from my field of vision. There's only Eren and me, and that's all I could've asked for. With every small adjustment, his shirt hikes up a little bit, and before I know it, I can feel his warm skin against my arm. My heartbeat starts to race at the fantasizes that run through my mind. I try and control all of my mixed emotions because I am pretty sure Eren is able to hear my heart pounding in my chest, and god forbid if all of my blood starts to rush downward. I'd rather die than face his questioning looks. 

Luckily the movie ends. Eren is panting from holding his breath for half of the movie so that he wouldn't scream. We both get up and walk into the little kitchen while Marco picks out a new movie. l look up into Eren's emerald eyes, but in this lighting, they look almost amber. 

"Hey, are you okay?" I place a hand upon his shoulder and he's pulled out of his daze. 

"Oh, sorry Armin. I just don't have a good tolerance for scary movies. I always think that I'll be sucked into all of that horror once I open my eyes." He started to mess around with his hair out of nervousness. "And I'm sorry for constricting all of your body. I just have a habit of grasping onto whatever is closest to me when I get scared." He smirked. 

I waved him off, "It's perfectly fine Eren, I didn't mind, and if you feel the need to do that again, I'll protect you with all of my might." I said while I puffed out my chest as a joke. Eren giggled at my sudden outburst of courage. "Thank you Armin, and this stays between you and me. If Jean were ever to find out that I was scared to death because of a few scary movies, I'll be hearing his teasing for the rest of the week." Eren groaned. 

"Your secret is safe with me." I replied.

Eren and I agreed to only stay for the next movie and then to head on back to our dorms. I did this out of sake for the brunette. Truthfully, I'm not sure if he could even tolerate the next movie. Marco put in the next film. It was a movie I was familiar with, it was called "The Grudge." This was one movie that almost made me have nightmares after watching it, so I decided to give Eren a heads up. "Psst." I whispered in his ear. He scooted closer towards me, and I put my lips near his ear, "Hey, this is a pretty intense movie, do you want me to maybe...umm...cuddle with you a little bit, so you don't get scared I mean." "Smooth moves Armin" I thought. But Eren didn't miss a beat, he quickly snuggled up into my arms and tucked his head into my shoulder. 

For the next hour and a half, there were many gasps and screams. Some came from Connie and Krista, but I could hear the intake of breath from Eren whenever the creepy Japanese girl came on screen, but by the end of the movie, everybody was laughing at each other and making fun of Connie for screaming so much at both films. 

"Alright guys, lets take a little break so we can get our bearings in order." Marco announced to the crowd, but Eren and I didn't move from our spot. We were both breathing heavily from all of the jump scares and horror.

Eren finally lifted his head from my shoulder, but then something weird happened. We both started to look deeply in each others eyes. For some odd reason, we couldn't look away. Even in this dim lighting, I could see a small blush form on the tips of his ears, and his cheeks. His eyes seemed to have glossed over, like he was about to fall asleep, but I was one hundred percent sure that the both of us were awake. My sapphire eyes grew wider however, when I noticed that Eren started to slowly lean his head towards mine. This couldn't be happening. This was a huge mistake, but I couldn't seem to back away from him. My mind started to wander to what it would feel like to kiss Eren. To feel his lips on mine. To feel all heat and passion flow out of me because of one single kiss, but at the rate that Eren was leaning his head, it looked like he was merely dozing off. I was frozen in my place, I couldn't seem to move an inch. His eyes were still open as he was leaning, and for some odd reason, I found that sexy. My breathing started to get more uneven, and I was sure that my pulse was skyrocketing. However, before I could decide to start leaning in myself, I heard a small cough come from the opposite side of the room. "Shit." I thought.

My eyes grew as wide as they could handle, because what I was greeted with, was far more scarier than any horror movie. On the other side of the room, with both of their arms crossed, were Sasha and Connie. The two glanced at each other, and they seemed to have a silent conversation just by looking at each other. I quickly stood up, making Eren get pulled out of his little fantasy. I fumbled for words when I look at the duo of trouble makers. 

"I'm going outside for some fresh air." I blurted out. I raced out of the door and took all of the stairs two at a time. I finally reached the door to the back of the apartment. I breathed in a huge amount of cold, fall air, and tried to make sense of what just happened upstairs. Was that me? Was that him? Who was leaning in towards each other? I started to hyperventilate at all of the pressing thoughts that were racing in my mind. My hands were pulling at my hair, trying to calm myself down. 

"How was I going to explain all of that to Eren?" I thought. "Maybe I can just say that I was really tired and so my head started to droop forward a little bit. No. He would see right through that lie. Oh my gosh what the fuck just happened?"

I was pulled out of all my inner thoughts when I heard the back door creak open. I turned my head to meet my imminent doom. 

"Listen guys, I can totally explain what happened in there!" I screamed out to Connie and Sasha. 

"Shh, gosh Armin, you're going to wake up the whole neighborhood." Sasha chuckled out. Sasha and Connie exchanged the same look that they did in the living room. I started to get nervous at what they could be planning, then Sasha spoke up,

"Listen Armin, I'm not shocked at what just happened in there." She motioned to the apartment. "I actually figured out that there was something going on when you came over to my dorm room yesterday." She smirked. My mouth dropped open at the comment she just said. 

"How...how did you figure that out?" I questioned her. 

She looked at me with kind eyes, "It was pretty easy to tell. Every time that Eren spoke to you, your eyes seemed to glisten and I heard you catch your breath every time he said your name. You also were blushing behind the privacy screen after I asked Eren if he found you attractive." She said. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I didn't realize that I had all of these 'tells' that made her figure out my secret so easily. Although, Sasha wasn't done speaking, "But there was one major thing that made me figure everything out. In the moments that Eren wasn't speaking, you tried to steal glances from him, and each time you did this, you seemed to have this look. It was like a peaceful look, your eyes glazed over a little bit, your shoulders relaxed, and you would smile. It was always the same smile. You'd bite your lower lip a little, and you'd just smile. Whenever you did that, I could literally feel the air around me get warmer. It was beautiful, in a way. I've never seen somebody so in love with somebody else like that before." 

My ears caught notice of a word that Sasha said that didn't quite seem to fit. "Wait, I'm not in love with Eren! I only have a small crush on him. That's it, nothing more and nothing less. It's just a crush I swear!" I pleaded with them. 

The two exchanged a questioning glance. "Well, then that's one big crush." Connie concluded. I just looked down at the dead grass on the lawn. "Please...please don't tell him...I'm just trying to sort out all of my feelings right now, but I know one thing for sure. I love being his friend. He's been the first person to understand me, to see that I have a darker side to my fragile skin, and he understands why it's there. I can tell him anything, and vise versa. I feel safe with him at my side. I feel stronger. I feel like I can take on the whole world whenever he's by my side. He's my support whenever I need it. I feel like sometimes in my life, I am walking on a tightrope, just waiting to see what problem will knock me down, but he's my safety net. He'll be there to catch me when I fall. I've never had anybody like that before in my life, please don't take that away from me." I looked up at the two with hot tears in my eyes. 

Sasha stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Armin, if he really means that much to you, we'll leave you guys be while you figure everything out. I promise we will never tell Eren how you feel. Even when we were trying to get Jean and Marco together, we never told them how the other person felt. Just try and forgive us if we do something stupid that involves the two of you. It's just in our nature to be matchmakers." She looked at me with sincere eyes. I nodded my head in confirmation. "Thank you." I mumbled out. "Now, lets get back inside before everybody starts to wonder where we went." Connie said.

When I got back in the apartment, I saw that everybody was just hanging out in the living room, everybody except Eren. He was waiting for me in the kitchen. When I saw him, I tried to hide my swollen, red eyes, but he grabbed me by the shoulders and had a look of worry across his face. "Don't worry Eren. I'm fine. It was just cold out." I croaked out my lie. He then proceeded to give me a tight hug and whispered in my ear "Can we go?" I pulled away and smiled and simply nodded my head. We told everybody our goodbyes and we thanked Marco and Jean for having us.

The walk back to our separate dorms was a quiet one. Neither of us spoke to each other. I walked Eren to his dorm first because I knew he was probably scared of walking on his own after the movies we watch. We both stared at each other and came in for a tight embrace. I could hear every beat of his heart, and I gripped onto him tighter. When we pulled away, I smiled the smile that Sasha had explained, and waved goodbye. 

I got back to my dorm safe and sound. I changed into my sweatshirt and a t-shirt I'd borrowed from Eren at one point. I held the shirt up to my face and breathed in the sweet aroma that was Eren. I slowly got into bed and turned off all of my lights, I then proceeded to scroll down the depths of Tumblr, when I got a text from Eren. 

From Eren: Hey Armin, I know that this is probably the most idiotic request ever, but, could I maybe sleep in your dorm tonight? I can't sleep and I feel calm whenever I'm with you. I...I just, I'm scared. I need you. 

I typed back a quick reply while I grabbed my coat from my small closet.

To Eren: I'm on my way.

I've never been too physically active, but I couldn't stop running in this moment. Eren needed me. I've never been needed in my life. My lungs felt on the brink of collapsing with all of the cold air around me, but I pushed my legs to stretch farther, I urged my lungs to hold my air, and I hoped that my heart would beat faster, so that I could be closer to Eren. He needed me, and that was all that was important right now. I could care less about the cold air, or the way that my legs would stumble whenever there was a crack in the sidewalk. He needed me, and I needed him.

The second I saw him outside his dorm complex, I kicked everything into high gear. I ran with all my might. I felt like my body was on fire. I ran straight into his arms. He was shaking with fear, and he was sweating, even though it was freezing outside. He wasn't warm like he usually was, his hands were cold on my back and I took off my jacket and gave it to him. He tried to refuse, but I told him that it was necessary if he didn't want to get sick. I held his hand all the way to my dorm and he didn't even flinch when I grabbed it.

I opened the door to my dorm and turned on all of the lights. Eren sat on the edge of my bed. I went up next to him and said "Do you want to take a shower in my bathroom?" He slowly nodded his head. 

"Can you come into the bathroom with me?" The emerald eyed boy asked. I was shocked a little at his request, but agreed. I walked him to the bathroom and he slowly got undressed. "Do you want me to look away?" I asked the brunette. "No, it's fine. I don't care." He said quietly.

I started to study all of the features of Eren. His skin was a little paler on his thighs. He had little sun freckles all over his back and on his arms. I looked at every detail of his body. All of the different contrasting colors that melted together, he was stunning. Most people in this situation would have been aroused, and even though I did see the most revealing parts of Eren, I was more entranced than anything. There was no lust or passion in my studying of him. The way that the muscles in his arm tensed and relaxed when he went to grab for something, or the way his chest repeated the up and down motions to every intake of breath. He was breathtaking. He was beautiful to me. Everything around me seemed to tunnel in on Eren. I didn't want to look away. He was like a piece of art, he had no imperfections of what I could see. I felt whole with him here. I felt safe. 

After he was done showering, I gave him a spare sweatshirt and some basketball shorts. He looked empty inside a little. Like he was in a different place. I rested my hand on his shoulder, "Hey, you okay?" I whispered. He looked at me with those eyes that I've grown accustomed to "I am now." He replied. 

When we were figuring out sleeping arrangements, I offered to sleep on the floor but Eren said "Can I sleep with you in your bed?" He looked so helpless in this situation. I'd never seen this side of Eren. Usually I'm the one scared of my own shadow, but I had to be the one to comfort my broken friend. I gave him a small smile and agreed to his request. We both hopped into my small bed and before I knew it, we were spooning. 

"Hey" I said, when I turned my body towards him

"Hi" he replied.

"It's going to be okay Eren, I'm right here. Nothing is going to hurt you when I'm here." I said. I pressed my head into his shoulders and I felt the little patter of teardrops on my cheek. I looked up to see that slow tears were coming from Eren. I brushed them gently away with my thumb. 

"Hey, something that always makes me sleep is my music, do you think that will help?" I asked. Eren just nodded his head in reply. I went on my sleep playlist and found the perfect song to try and make Eren fall asleep. It was "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" a cover by Sleeping At Last. I cuddled back into Eren's chest as the piano started to play. I closed my eyes and slowly started to drift off to sleep, but right before I could sink into my dreams I heard Eren say, 

"I love you, Armin. Thank you for being my everything."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-So first off, WOW! Over 100 hits and almost 20 kudos?!? Thank you to everybody who has been reading. And secondly, this will be the first Eren POV! Forgive me if it drags a little but I want to have Eren's emotions in all of this as well. So here is Chapter 7. Happy Reading!-Zenovia

Eren's POV

Chapter 7

Grow up Eren. Those were the words that I heard for all of my life. During school, at home, with my so called "friends" in high school. It didn't matter. I had to grow up the minute somebody told me too. That made me defile the rules every second I could. I didn't want to grow up. But sooner or later, fate made me. After my mom died, I had to become the man of the house because my father was never caring for Mikasa and me. I won't get into the details of the beatings and fights that went on in the little place that I had to call "Home" but let's just say that I took advantage of leaving for college. 

I had to be the one to protect everybody I loved, and if I messed up I'd pay the consequences. I've been trying to be strong my whole life. I put on a mask and showed people that I was strong. That I could carry on a small family of only two, by myself. Sadly, I didn't take off my mask when I got to college. I got the reputation of being the one who is always happy. The one who takes care of people. The one who can be strong for others. My freshman year of college was okay. I made some better friends than I did in high school. Mikasa was only an hour away so I could visit her whenever I wanted. But I still felt alone. Nobody at my school really knew who I was. 

I traveled a lot into the city during college. Normally I'd take my truck, but on one fateful day. It broke down. So I took the train. After I was done running all of my errands, I just decided to go back to my dorm room and mope around. It looked like it was going to rain that day, but my window was fogged up, so I looked onto the other side of the train, and there he was. 

My saving grace, I like to think of him now. I kept observing him and of course he knew I was. I was meet with bright, blue, sapphire eyes. That night was the beginning. My new beginning, and it was all because of him, that I'm the person I am right now. 

He became my new home. Armin discovered things about me that I would have never let anybody else know. He understood me, and for once, I didn't have to put on my mask for him. He saw the real me, and that's all that I've dreamed for in life, for somebody to see the real me, and not be disgusted with the sight they are met with. He was a miracle. Between words and songs, and family matters and being scared of horror movies, he understood all of my imperfections. 

That night of Halloween was a breaking point for me. I had to hold all of my fear inside because people thought me strong, but he didn't see through my mask. He came to my rescue when I asked him too. He was amazing to me, he was the stronger one. 

I'm pressed up against him now. My hair still damp from the shower I took in Armin's bathroom. All of his words seem to be flowing together because I don't understand what he's saying until he says the one thing that I've been dying to hear for as long as I can remember. 

"It's going to be okay Eren. I'm right here. Nothing is going to hurt you when I'm here." He said. 

I can't help the slow hot tears come out of my eyes. He wipes them away like a mother would do for a child, but he isn't treating me like a child. He's treating me like me. He understands that I can't be tamed sometimes, that I can be dangerous in my moments of depression. I hear the sounds of music play in the background, and I can feel being swept away into a state of sleep, but I know that I have to thank Armin for everything he has done tonight. 

"I love you, Armin. Thank you for being my everything." I say, and I mean it. The only way I can describe him in this moment is 'My Everything.' Finally, after hours of stress and fear, I fall asleep.

The next morning, I am met with warm air on the back of my neck and the soft sounds of piano playing in the distance. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, it's slow and steady, the way it should be. All of my fears of last night have slowly cascaded away. It's all because of him, the strong blue eyed boy laying next to me. I turn my body to face Armin. He's still asleep. I start to look at the detail of Armin's porcelain like complexion. His mouth is open just a little, and I can notice all of the freckles that lay on his little button nose. He shifts his position just an inch, and a piece of his hair falls down into his face. I see that his nose is twitching at the sudden disturbance, so I gently grab the piece of hair and put it back in place. He looks almost angelic, laying here like this. He's so peaceful, so calm. 

I keep studying all of his little details, until I start to see that his eyes are slowly starting to open. At first it was only a twitch, but then after blinking a few times, I was greeted with his soft blue eyes. They are glazed over from just waking up, but they are still shimmering. 

"Hey." I say with a smile. "Hi." He replies in a husky morning voice. Armin starts to sit up and stretch, and I can hear the little moans that come out of him, and for some reason, I can feel my face start to get red at these little sounds. "How're you doing?" Armin questions me. 

"I feel a lot better. Thank you, for last night. I'm sorry if I intruded or anything." I said quietly. 

"Of course not Eren! Listen, I know that I can't do much to try and help, but if you ever need anything. I'll come running to you, just to be by your side. I don't care how far, or how long it will take me to get to you, but I will always be here for you. I need you, and you need me. We're strong together. If you ever need me, just say the words, and I'll be there." 

I know that his words are sincere because he does this little smile. He bites his lower lip and kind of giggles, it's very endearing. I just nod and smile back. 

"Also...I love you too..." He says while looking at the covers on his bed. "What?" I say in confusion. "I...I heard you last night, before I fell asleep, you said that you loved me, and that I was your everything. I feel the same way, I'm glad that I'm your everything because, you are mine." He blushes through the statement. 

"I didn't think that you heard me. After I said all of that, all I could hear was your steady breathing, so I just assumed that you fell asleep." I concluded. Armin chuckles a little and then replies,

"I'd never miss out on hearing those words." We both laugh a legit laugh, and I know that everything is back to normal. The memories of the leaning in, and the "accidental" touching, and all of the tears, slowly start to wash away from my mind. I feel like myself again, sitting in Armin's dorm, I feel as if I'm home.

Armin suddenly stands up from the warm bed. "Well, Mr. Emerald Eyes, what adventure should we go on today?" He says. I think about all of the possibilities that we could do on this warmer fall day. Then, an idea pops in my head. 

"Teach me how to skate." I say nonchalantly. Armin's eyes start to shimmer with excitement. I can tell he's thinking about all of the tricks he will show me, and how funny to him it will be when I fall on my ass. The both of us quickly get dressed in some clean sweatshirts and jeans, and we head out to our next adventure. 

We find a small secluded skate park on the other side of town. "This is where I first learned to skate. I always came here when nobody else was here. It's my little thinking place, just like your park. Nobody was here to laugh at me whenever I fell. Although, it did get lonely at times, but now this can be our place." He said with bright eyes. 

"Alright, lets start skating." I said, but Armin just shook his head. 

"Not without these." He handed me some knee pads and a helmet. I groaned at the thought of how stupid I would look wearing that goddamn pink helmet with matching knee pads. "But Armin, just look at them! I don't want to be seen wearing those!" I whined. 

Armin just rolled his eyes and said, "Fine, you don't have to wear them for now, but the first time you fall on your head or knees, then I'll forcefully put them on you." He said with half serious eyes. I sighed and agreed to his deal. 

It was an interesting experience trying to find my balance on the skateboard. I thought that'd be much simpler, but each time I got both of my feet on the board, I would immediately grab onto Armin's shoulders to balance myself. It was like people were pushing me in all different directions whenever my two feet got on the board. 

"Alright, just relax Eren. Try and bend with your knees and shift your weight a little bit at a time." Armin instructed.

I put both of my feet on the board and closed my eyes. I felt everything around me, and gently shifted my weight with my knees. I started to wobble, but I relaxed my shoulders and leaned the other way. "Good Eren! I think that you have balance under control now! So now we're going to start on actually moving." Armin said. 

He offered his arm just in case I fell. I pushed off with my right foot and I was off. Whenever I felt like I was losing speed, I kicked the ground once again. I leaned my weight with my knees and I was slowly turning right. I didn't even notice that Armin had moved his arm away, so that I was moving all on my own. "Haha, look Armin I'm doing it! I'm skating!" I yelled. Armin ran up against me and then pulled ahead of me. "Okay, now try and skate to me." Armin said. 

I slowly shifted my weight so that I was in the direction of Armin. I kicked my leg harder and harder, trying to see how fast I could go. The wind was rushing through my hair, and it felt amazing. I realized why Armin liked riding to class all the time. It felt like you were flying. Like you were bird. I started to close my eyes and spread my arms out like I was going to jump off of the skateboard and start to soar into the sky. Everything was shut out of my brain. Everything, including the shouts of Armin telling me to slow down. "Eren stop! You're going to crash right int-" 

BANG!

I felt my body leave the skateboard and crash right into my blond haired friend. We rolled against the solid pavement, and I received scrapes on my knees and elbows. I probably looked like a hot mess. I opened my eyes, and I saw Armin, with his hands on the cement, holding his upper body up, looking down at me. His eyes were dilated and he was breathing heavily, then he did something that I wasn't expecting. He started to laugh. And it wasn't like a soft, dainty laugh. He was laughing with all of his muscles, and he wouldn't stop. His eyes were shimmering with tears of laughter. I just looked at him incredulously. He looked so happy in this moment. The sunshine was hitting him just at the right angle, almost making his hair seem like it was glowing, and he had fall leaves all scattered throughout his hair. This wasn't a side of Armin that came out all too often. He usually was very calm and collected, but now, he looked wild. He looked happy. 

I started to feel myself start to chuckle with him, then I proceeded to laugh louder, until I was to the point of my stomach hurting. The both of us couldn't stop laughing no matter what we tried to do. I couldn't control anything in my body, so when I pulled Armin into my arms, it surprised me as much as it did him. We were taken away by laughing before we knew it. I could feel his stomach against mine and it wouldn't stop moving with all of the laughing. I could feel tears pour out of my eyes with each new intake of breath. I truly didn't know what we were laughing at, but it was a blissful moment that I know I won't forget. 

After what seemed like days, our breaths started to regulate back to normal. We just laid there, in a heap of scrapes and fall leaves. I wouldn't have wanted it any different. It was nice to be this close to Armin. He was smiling at me, and I back at him. I saw his blue eyes dart to look at my newly found cuts. He looked back into my eyes and he said with a smirk, "Guess who's wearing the knee pads and helmet." 

While I was skating slowly, I swear I could've heard Armin take a picture of me in the bright pink protective gear. Although, the new fashion statement didn't put a damper on my spirit. We spent all day at the skate park until the sun started setting. After we both were skated out, we decided to go grab a bite to eat. 

We went to our local pizza place that had a Karaoke system in the party room. We got our table and went to get our food. It was nice hanging out with Armin. I smiled a lot more when I was around him, and I felt almost normal with him. He didn't make me feel uncomfortable or awkward. 

"So did you like skating today?" Armin asked. "Yeah! I think that I will definitely keep trying." I replied. We ate our food and had a normal conversation, until a familiar face walked into the restaurant. 

I stood up out of my seat and I was shocked to see the raven haired girl standing in front of me, especially with her arm around a certain blonde haired girl. 

"Mikasa?!" I exclaimed. I saw her grey eyes look up at me in surprise. 

"Eren? Wow I didn't think that I'd see you here." She said. I went to look at the blonde haired girl with Mikasa, and gasped in shock when I realized that it was Annie. "Hey." She waved her hand at me and Armin. 

I motioned for Armin to come over to my side. "Umm, Mikasa, this is Armin. Armin, this is my sister Mikasa." I introduced the two. The pair shook hands and exchanged smiles. "It's nice to finally meet you Armin. Eren is always mentioning you to me." Mikasa remarked. Armin got a little pink in the face at that remark and said "It's nice to meet you as well, Eren has told me a lot of good things about you."

Then I looked at the pair and said "So, when did...'this' start." I motioned at Mikasa and Annie. The girls just stared at each other, looking for words to say. It was Mikasa who eventually spoke up. "Well, ever since the end of freshman year." She said shyly. 

"What?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I exclaimed. 

"Because we didn't want to freak you out. We just thought that'd be better if we didn't tell anybody about our relationship." Annie replied. "We were worried that you wouldn't accept us as a couple." Mikasa looked at the floor. My heart dipped into my stomach at the thought of Mikasa having to keep this kind of secret to herself for so long. I'd never wish anybody to have to keep something like that for so long. 

"Mikasa." I took her hand. "I will always accept you. You're my sister after all. I'll love you no matter what." She looked at me with her light grey eyes. She chuckled a little bit, "Wow, I never thought that I'd come out to you in a pizzeria." All four of us laughed at her comment, then we all sat at the table and just had casual discussions. 

It was nice for all of us to have this time together. Mikasa and Armin seemed to be getting along swimmingly. It felt like they had known each other their whole life. All of us were just about to leave and go back to our dorms when the door ringed opened to the sight of Marco, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, and Christa. 

Connie caught sight of us and ran over to us. "Hey guys! Nice to see you here. What are you up to?" He inquired. We told him that we just stopped here to grab a bite to eat, then he asked us if we wanted to sing some Karaoke with the group. I looked at the other three and they were all up for the activity, so we joined everybody else. 

Everybody was having a great time. Most us had gotten up on the stage and sang an edition of a popular song. The room was full of laughs, smiles, and very out of tune voices. I had just finished singing a rendition of Green Day's "Twenty One Guns" when I caught sight of Armin looking off in the distance, as if he praying not to get picked to sing. I decided that it was time to get revenge for the pink helmet and knee pads picture, which he just so happened to post to Instagram with the caption, 

"To manly to handle ;)"

I walked over to the blond and handed him the microphone. "Your turn Blondie." I winked at him. His sapphire eyes grew wide "Oh no. I'm okay. Connie you can go ahead of me." Armin said with fear in his eyes. But by this time the whole group had started to chant Armin's name. The blonde boy sighed in defeat, and firmly grabbed hold of the mic. He started to scroll through the list of songs until he landed upon his choice. 

"Okay, please don't judge me for this. And no recording me!" He told the group. Armin took a deep breath and waited for the song to start. The lyrics echoed through the microphone into a sweet, but kind of raspy, sexy voice that could only be Armin's. I recognized the song the minute the first lyric went by. It was "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance. Armin had told me once that MCR was one of his favorite bands, and that he crawled into a little bit of depression when the band broke up. 

Armin was a little stiff on stage, but his voice was as strong as ever with each verse.

"Because the drugs never work"

"They're gonna give you a smirk"

"Cause they got methods of keeping you clean."

His voice got a lot more confident with each word, and he started to relax. I got a sudden idea that'd make this all the better. I started to harmonize with him, and he looked at me and got the idea. I walked up onto the stage and sang into the microphone with him so that our voices blended together better. Then the rest of the guys started to smirk at each other, and I motioned for all of them to come up onto the stage. 

Connie was the first, and he pretended to play the drums. Marco was on bass, and Jean was on electric guitar. We were all head banging and shouting out the lyrics 

"Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"

"They could care less as long as someone'll bleed"

"So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose" 

"Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me."

The girls on the floor we loving every second of it. They were head banging and singing along to the music. Armin finally seemed like he was comfortable with being up on stage. He was dancing along with the beat of the music, and he was smiling at the guys pretending to play the instruments for the song. I was enjoying the experience of singing with Armin. Our voices matched perfectly and it was the right tone for this song. 

After the song was over, all of the girls cheered for us, and I urged Armin to take a bow. We were all laughing when we got off of the stage. That was probably one of the most funniest things that we had all done, but it was well worth it. Sometimes you have to do something a little silly once in a while. It was about midnight when all of us left the restaurant to go back to our rooms. 

Armin and I told Mikasa and Annie that they were welcome to come over with us during Thanksgiving and hang out with us. The girls agreed and sped off on their own ways with their hands intertwined. Armin and I walked to his dorm. I couldn't stop smiling at remembering Armin up on that stage. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I looked to see a video of all of us singing "Teenagers"

From Sasha: Already on YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram ;) 

I laughed at the message and put my phone back into my pocket. Armin would not be happy when he checked on social media, but it would be well worth it. I started to look at all of the stars in the sky when I stopped walking. 

"Eren? Are you okay?" Armin asked. 

I was snapped out of my daze and looked into his soft blue eyes. "Oh, sorry, I'm fine." I smiled at him, and we continued to walk back to his dorm. But while I was walking, I couldn't stop looking back up at the night sky and noticing that the Big Dipper and Little Dipper were shining brighter than all of the other stars in the sky.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-Almost 150 views? I am so thankful for all of you guys!! I really can't believe that it has only been about a week and so many people have read it! So please keep reading and commenting so that I know you guys are enjoying the story! Happy Reading!-Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 8

Classes were starting to take a toll on my sanity. All of my teachers were starting to crack down on homework and essays, since the end of the semester was approaching exceedingly fast. I was keeping up in most of my classes, but I was pulling a C in the class that mattered most to me, Creative Writing. 

"Why the hell are you getting a C?" Eren asked me one day. "I don't know. I am trying my hardest in her class, but on each assignment she always writes on my paper 'Look deeper' and I try to, but I can't seem to look deep enough for her liking." I huffed out. Eren started to squint his eyes a little bit, that's when I knew that he was thinking of something. 

"Why don't you go talk to her?" He said after a few minutes. I actually had never asked what she did mean by 'Look deeper' so I guess it wouldn't kill to question her about it. "Alright, I'll ask her tomorrow after her class." I said confidently. But as the bell rang to tell the students that class was over for the next day, I didn't feel confident anymore. It was actually kind of silly to be this scared of asking my professor a simple question because she was probably the nicest teacher on campus. She had strawberry blonde hair, and was on the short side, but she was very kind. We all called her Professor Petra.

I started to walk slowly to her huge desk. She was sorting through all of her papers so she didn't even notice that I was standing there, until I faked coughed. "Oh! Goodness Armin, you startled me." She squeaked out. 

"Sorry Professor Petra. Um I was wondering if I could ask you something about the grading on my papers recently." I said. "Of course! What are you inquiring about them?" She asked. 

"Well, on my most recent papers, you've been writing the statement 'Look deeper' and I'm not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean." I stuttered.   
She stared at me for a few seconds and then said "I knew you would ask me about that. Listen Armin, you're probably one of the most well written sophomores I've seen in a long while." She said. "Thank you." I said puzzled. 

"If she thought all of that, then why is she giving me C's on most of my papers?" I thought. 

Petra continued, "With that being said, I think you are writing for the wrong reasons. You haven't found your touch yet. I think that you're writing to impress others around you. You are scared to write what you actually think, so you hold back. You skim the surface of what you actually want to put on paper. Mr. Arlert, I've been teaching for some time now, and I know that you can do exceptional things later in life with your talent, but you need to write what you think. Don't be afraid of what I will think, or what others will think. You need to look deep within yourself and think of what means the most to you. What are your fears? Your hopes? Your dreams? Armin, I will say this to you and to you only because I think you will understand what I mean." She looked at me with her big hazel eyes and said "Write like you have no words to speak."

As I was walking back to my dorm from my Creative Writing class, Professor Petra's words kept replaying in the back of my mind. "Write like you have no words to speak." "What the fuck was that suppose to mean?" I thought. I kept trying to understand her riddle, but I kept coming to dead ends in my mind. Now I really wasn't going to pass the final at the end of the semester. 

I pulled my fall coat closer to my chest. It was getting colder with each passing day, which means that I have to get in as much skating time as I can before it starts to snow. Eren has said that he would walk me to my classes during the winter so that I wouldn't be alone, after I told him that I wouldn't be able to skate anywhere anymore. Eren really is an exceptional friend, but he is more than a friend to me. I keep having dreams of him kissing me over and over again until a wake up, sweating all over. Sometimes I can't believe that I've actually fallen for the Emerald Eyed boy, in only a matter of a few months. Although, those months seem like years to me. Time seems to slow down every moment I'm with him. I chuckle to myself at the realization of a few things.

1\. I, Armin Arlert, have got a fucking amazing best friend. 

2\. I, Armin Arlert, have been captivated by my best friend for the months that we've been friends.

3\. I, Armin Arlert, may not be in love with Eren yet, but I'm certainly falling unexpectedly fast for my best friend. 

I try and keep walking through all of my outrageous thoughts, but deep in my gut, I know that each and every one of them are true. I am falling for Eren, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I walk fast to my dorm so I can drop off my stuff and head off towards Eren's place. We both gave each other a key to our dorms since we were always at the other person's room. 

I finally got to Eren's dorm room after walking up all of the stairs, and put the key into the lock. I was greeted with silence. There looked to be nobody in the dorm room. All of the lights were turned off, but I saw clothes scattered all over the floor, along with Eren's backpack. "Eren?" I spoke throughout the dorm. I slowly walked into the room and then I saw that the bathroom light was on. I heard the sound of a shower and Eren's voice singing. I stepped quietly into the bathroom and called out his name once more. 

"HOLY SHIT!" Eren screamed. I heard multiple things fall from inside the shower and more swears were coming from behind the flowered curtain. "Oh my god, Eren are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" I apologized. I heard him grunt and put things back in their appropriate places. "It's okay, you just spooked me. I didn't even hear the door open. Just give me a second and I'll be right out." He said from behind the curtain. I stepped out of the small bathroom and sat on the bed. I fiddled with my thumbs while I waited for the brunette to come out of the bathroom, and when he did, my heart stopped.

He was clad in only a towel, that was hanging very loosely on his waist. His hair was dripping wet, and his chest was shimmering with all of the water on it. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't turned on by just the pure sight of him. My mind however, took a totally different vision of what the situation could've turned into. 

I suddenly imagined Eren walking towards me, very slowly, and grabbing my waist and then forcefully pressing my body up against the nearest wall. He put his lips on mine. Groaning and grinding in pleasure of just a kiss, I opened my mouth even more, to let the kiss deepen. He then started to tease me by kissing every inch of my body and all I could do is stand there and moan out in pleasure. I started to play at the towel around his waist and before I knew it, the fabric was laying on the ground. I started to touch him all over, my hands wandering everywhere, finding any sensitive spots and teasing him. Then my hands started to travel all the way down to Eren's d- 

"Armin? Hey Earth to Armin! Hey, are you alright? You look kinda pale, maybe you should lie down." Eren said while walking towards me. "NO!" I shouted. I realized that my face was steaming red, and that I was shaking a little bit from my fantasy. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little stressed out from class." I lied. Eren just shook his head in understanding. "Um, I'm just gonna go splash some water on my face, try and get all of my stress out..." I mumbled while I walked past him. I shut the bathroom door and heaved in relief. 

"What the hell was that?!" I thought. I usually had all of my thoughts in order whenever I was with Eren, but this time I really fucked up. I looked at myself in the small, fogged up mirror. I was still a little pink in the cheeks, but I looked more calm than I did just a few seconds ago. I splashed some water on my face and checked myself out in the mirror once more. "You need to stay calm. You can't be doing that every time you see Eren without a shirt on. Just stay calm and collected like you usually do." I muttered to myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.

Eren was already dressed and ready for the day when I saw him. His hair was still damp from his shower, but other than that, he looked like his normal self. "You doing better?" Eren asked. I nodded my head and sat next to him. "So did you talk to your teacher after class today?" Eren pressed. "Yeah I did. It was weird, she said that I was one of her best students, but she said that I hadn't found my touch yet, and that I need to start writing for myself." I groaned. "Like how am I supposed to do that? I have no idea what I'm going to do. And then, for extra measure, she said "Write like you have no words to speak." and I have no clue what that's suppose to mean." I grumbled out. Eren just sat there, taking in everything that I said. Sometimes he didn't have much to say, but he was an amazing listener, and I couldn't ask for much more. 

"I think that in some way, she's right." Eren said. I looked at him with confused eyes. "I think that you're so worried about impressing yourself and others, that you're missing an amazing idea right in front of you. Write about the simplest thing that you can, and everything else will follow. You have the talent to write about anything. And hey, if all else fails, just write about what you're feeling. Just write. Never stop, and I mean never stop writing Armin. It doesn't matter what you decide to write that day, if it's about the color of the sky, or about the impending destruction of Earth, it doesn't matter. At least you are writing something because the day you stop, might be the last day you ever write again. You never know what'll happen, just keep writing. Please." Eren had a shimmering in his eyes, this always happened whenever he talked about something he was passionate about. "Okay, I will." I proceeded to take out a spare piece of paper from my notebook and a pen. I shielded the page away from Eren so he couldn't see. When I was finished, it read:

"Random writing. Day one: Always knock before entering your friends bathroom, if not, bad things will occur."

"Ha Ha Ha" Eren chuckled. "See, it's not so hard. Just keep writing things like that everyday, and before you know it, you'll have your own book." He playfully nudged me. "Ha, I'll give you the first copy of the book." I said while nudging him back. I looked up at him and I was entranced by him once again. He was absolutely enchanting. Everything about him made me want to kiss him everywhere, all I want to do is care for him, to wrap him up in my arms and kiss him on the cheek. To tell him funny stories and just to love him. To be able to hold him when he's scared or looking for comfort, to hold hands with him whenever I want, just to do couple stuff because he's my everything, I feel lost whenever I'm not with him, I feel unstable, but when he's back at my side, I feel steady. He has made me stronger. He's like oxygen, and I'm thankful for him every single day.

"Well" Eren sighed after a few minutes. "I don't know if I told you about this, but Sasha and Connie have invited us to a bonfire tonight. It starts at eight, do you want to come?" Eren asked. "Sure!" I replied. The both us started to get ready for the bonfire. We got a quick bite to eat before Sasha sent us the directions to where the fire was going to be.

Apparently, Sasha's grandparents lived at a small farm, and since they were out of town, Sasha took the opportunity to have a party here. When we were driving up to the place, we could smell the fire before we actually got there. It was huge. 

"Hey guys, glad you could make it!" Marco greeted us. We saw that Jean, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, Christa, Bert, Reiner, Hanji, Erwin, and Annie were also at the fire. There were boxes of graham crackers and bags of marshmallows strewn on the ground. "Wow, looks like you guys are really enjoying yourselves here." Eren exclaimed. "We are" Sasha said through a mouthful of s'mores.

The party was amazing, all of us were having a great time. The atmosphere was warm and happy. I even ventured out of my comfort zone and talked to other people besides just Eren. I found out that Bert and Reiner were in a steady relationship. Hanji was trying to do research on cures for Cancer in her private lab. I asked her if that was legal or not and she kind of just shrugged me off, and Annie was actually really friendly once you got to know her. She seemed very tough; which she was if you got her mad; but she wouldn't hurt a fly. Everything was going great. 

After all of the smores were gone, Sasha started to get restless, so Connie suggested that we play a party game. "Let's play Never Have I Ever!" Marco suggested to the group. I looked around at everybody and asked "Um, how do you play that?" 

"It's pretty simple" Annie explained. "All you do is hold out your hands, and somebody says something like "Never have I ever drank alcohol." then for anybody who has done that, they will put a finger down. Then that person has to explain their story of the event. The last person with the most of their fingers up, wins." She said. I thought that it was a pretty simple game so I joined in. 

All of us made a huge circle so that we could see everybody's hands. I was sitting in between Eren and Annie since I felt comfortable around the two of them. Marco started out the game. "Alright, never have I ever had a hangover." He stated. I looked around, and saw that Reiner and Jean had put one finger down. "Alright, I can explain, the only reason why it happened is because I was playing a drinking game and lost count of how many drinks I had." Reiner explained to the group. Jean said that he had a bad day last week and that he needed to forget that day ever existed. "But I really regret it, I won't ever drink to get drunk again." He said. 

Next up was Hanji. "Okay, never have a ever been arrested." We were all really shocked when we saw that Sasha put one of her fingers down. She was laughing so much she started wheezing. "Okay...wait I can explain." She huffed. "So when I was like maybe five, I had put a piece of candy from the checkout aisle in my pocket, and when I tried to leave the store, a whole bunch of alarms went off and security came over and put me in a little cell for children. They ended up having long discussion with my mom and dad. It was hilarious." She chuckled. There were laughs going all around as she got finished with her story. 

The next person was Christa. "Never have I ever cheated on a test." And the game went on and on like that. 

There were laughs going all around the campfire, and even though I hadn't put a finger down yet, I was still having a really good time. Eren was pretty close with me. He had nine fingers still up, and he only put one down when the question "Have you failed a class before?" came up. Then it came my turn to ask a question. I could think of only one thing in the world that I haven't done yet, but would like to. "Okay, um...never have I ever had a first kiss..." I said quietly. Every single person put a finger down for that one. "You've never had your first kiss Armin?" Eren asked me. I shook my head in disappointment. 

"We just might have to make some arrangements for that to change, won't we Sasha?" I heard Connie whisper over to the auburn haired girl. 

"Oh no. This can't be good." I thought. I really wasn't ready for Connie and Sasha to get involved in my love life, but I guess now that I've things figured out about my feelings with Eren, it's better late than never. The last person to ask a question in the game was Eren. "Okay, never have I ever had sex." He said nonchalantly. Jean, Marco, Ymir, Christa, Reiner, and Bert all put a finger down. By the looks of it, Marco was so red that you could have put a popcorn kernel on him, and it would've popped. "Hey! How bout we NOT go into detail about these stories!" Marco said to the group. 

"Why? Is it because you have so many sex stories with Jean, that we'll stay here until sunrise by the time you're done telling them?" Connie retorted. Everybody laughed and Marco just got even more red, if that was possible. 

In the end. I was the winner of the game, with all of my fingers still standing. Eren came in a close second with eight. By the time that the party was over, it was already past midnight. Eren was driving me back home, and it was silent until Eren said, 

"You know, having your first kiss isn't all it's cracked up to be." He looked at me in the passenger seat. "My first kiss has been the only kiss that I've had, and let me tell you, it was not pleasant. I was in like my junior year of high school and this girl that had been crushing on me for a long time actually asked me out. I said yes because I didn't want to hurt her. By the end of the date, I didn't know what to do, and she looked like she was expecting me to kiss her, so I just did. It was very quick, I don't even really remember how it felt. All I remember is that she tried to slip her tongue in my mouth and I accidentally bit it." I started to laugh, but then I stopped out of fear that Eren would get mad. "Hey, it's okay to laugh at that! I laugh at it sometimes. I eventually broke off the "relationship" with her, and that has been the extent of my love life." Eren said. 

"Trust me on this though, I wish I could have my first kiss again. I've always thought that a first kiss is supposed to mean something. You're supposed to feel wonder struck. Like everything finally makes sense when your lips meet, that you're suppose to feel this firework satiation all throughout your body, and you feel like a different person, and that in the middle of the kiss, you start to smile because you realize that you are deeply in love with the person in front of you. I think that's what a first kiss is supposed to be like. I just wish I could have that again. I'm glad that you can still experience that Armin." He smirked at me. 

I didn't say anything else on the way back home. I just sat there imagining what Eren's lips would feel like on mine. To be able to kiss somebody I...I...liked. Somebody I liked. I couldn't be in love with Eren yet. It was much to soon to determine all of that. Although, I wanted to experience everything that he'd described, but I pressed all of my desires down until my urge to kiss him soon faded away. 

We pulled up to my dorm complex, and we just sat there in the parking lot for a few minutes, listening to the music on the radio. 

"Well, I should probably go, I think that I am going to start writing tonight." I told Eren. "That sounds great Armin!" Eren said. I started to get out of the car until Eren pulled on my sweatshirt. "Armin, wait." Eren said. Before I could ask what he needed, I felt his lips on the top of my forehead. I couldn't move. My body was stuck in the position for what seemed like hours. His lips were soft and warm on my forehead. At first I was very tense, but my shoulders started to relax and I closed my eyes. This was better than any kiss on the lips. My eyes started to close and I breathed in Eren's aroma. I smiled into his kissing me. After he pulled away from me, he just smiled. His cheeks were a little flushed, but I didn't care. He had kissed me, even if it was just on my forehead. I felt like I was on a different planet. 

"Umm...sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Something just overcame me...and...I...uhh" Eren stumbled. 

"I love you too." I said to the brunette. 

"What?" Eren said. 

"I said, that I love you too. I could tell that you were looking for the right words to say, so you just kissed my forehead instead, as a way of saying I love you, so I'm saying it back." I said while blushing. Eren just nodded his head in agreement. "Well, I should really go Eren. I'll see you tomorrow." I said. 

"Goodnight Blondie." Eren replied. Then he was gone in a flash of lights. 

I ran up the stairs and immediately put in my blue headphones. I went on my "Writing Melodies" playlist and shuffled through all of my songs until I found the right one by Ed Sheeran it was called "Even My Dad Does Sometimes." I got to my secret journal and for some odd reason, all of the words were flowing out of me like they have never done before. 

Day One

Everyone has a story to tell, for me, this was just the beginning, and it all started with him. The boy with the emerald eyes had me captivated with every breath he took. With every gaze I stole from him , he was stealing my heart without even realizing it. There's no stopping what's to come. All I know is this, we all have an ending in our story. Whether that's to be the hero who saves the princess or to be the lost boy, never to find his home again. Which ever ending we have, I only know this, I wouldn't mind if Eren was mine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- OMFG!!! Thank you guys so much for over 200 hits on this and over 20 Kudos! It truly means so much to me that all of you are reading and commenting on this little story of mine <3 So I give you all Chapter 9! Happy Reading!-Zenovia. WARNING for this chapter: Mentions of self harm and triggers.

Armin's POV

Chapter 9

Time was flying past me in light years. There was only one week left until Thanksgiving Break and I was still writing in my secret journal. I hadn't stopped writing. All of the words were flowing from my fingers to the page. It was a sensation that was indescribable. I'd even turned in some of these little excerpts of my journal into Professor Petra for extra credit. Each time that I gave her a new one, she would smile and nod her head and say "You've found your touch, Mr. Arlert." 

My grade in her class was a B+ now. For my creative writing class, Professor Petra gave us the details of our final early, so that we could write to our hearts content. The final stated that it should be fifteen to twenty pages of why we think we were put here on this planet, and what we're going to do with ourselves the rest of our lives. The assignment was very vague, but I was ready for the challenge. I really wanted to impress myself with this. I want to inspire myself to write more. That's what I've been doing for the past two weeks. Writing, then more writing, and then before I go to bed, some extra writing in my journal. 

Although, this sudden reclusive behavior wasn't taken well with Eren. 

"Come on Armin, you've got to see the sunlight at some point." He preached. Eren pulled back my shades, and the light of the sun blinded me for a few seconds. 

"You've gotta be kidding me." Eren mumbled under his breath. Eren then picked up my journal and tucked in his bag. 

"Ereenn." I whined out. I didn't want Eren to have that journal. One reason was because I wasn't ready for my friends to see what I wrote in there. The other reason was because I mentioned Eren's name in there numerous times. That notebook had many excerpts of my liking for him, and if he ever laid eyes on it, he'd probably hate me forever. Eren sighed and looked at me deeply. 

"Alright, I'll make a deal with you. Tomorrow night, there's going to be a football game at the college stadium, you have to go with me. Then, I'll give you your journal back, and don't worry, I'm not going to look inside it. I know how you are with your secretive writing habits, but seriously Armin, you need to get out of your dorm. I haven't seen you skateboard in a while. You just go to class, then come back here and write. It's not healthy." 

"But you were the one who told me to write everyday." I argued back. 

Eren chuckled a little "Yeah I told you to write a little bit every day, not a novel." He retorted. Eren started to look around the room, "Plus, your dorm looks like a pigsty. I can help you clean it up, but only if you agree to my deal." I thought about his offer for a few seconds. Spending some quality time with Eren did sound pleasing to the ear. I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a night off from writing. 

"Uhh, alright, I give. I agree to this deal, but you have to buy me food at the football game." I said. Eren nodded his head in agreement. 

"Alright, let's shake on it." He then put his hand to his mouth, and profusely spit into his hand, he held out the slobbery limb to my own. I looked at him as if he just committed a heinous crime . 

"No way in hell am I shaking that...thing." I gestured to his slimy hand. 

"Only way to seal the deal" Eren said. I looked up at the ceiling, waiting for an asteroid to crash in and crush me. I slowly held my hand up to my mouth, and spit into it. I reached out for Eren's hand, and he quickly grasped mine in his. 

I gagged a little in my mouth and said, "You're fucking insane." 

"No, I'm fucking brilliant." Eren said with a smirk. "Well Blondie, I'm gonna head on home, get some sleep tonight, big day tomorrow." He waved. 

"See you later Eren." I said. Then he was gone. The room was quiet, and for some odd reason, I did feel sleepy. Maybe Eren was right, maybe I needed to take a day off and have some fun before break started.

I got into some pajamas and climbed into my small bed. I was to tired to even put music on. The second my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. I wish I could have said that I had fantastic dreams that night, but I can't. It was like the nightmare I had at the beginning of the year. The only difference this time, was that Eren was nowhere to be found in my dream. 

I was standing in the middle of a huge open space of land. The grass went up to my knees, and I could see a lake in the distance. The place reminded me of Eren's park. My breathing was unsteady, as if I'd been running miles on end. I could feel hot tears in my eyes, straining to be let free. 

Then, the heat came. 

It was the same as last time. I felt my skin blister and bubble. It was excruciatingly painful. I didn't know where the heat was coming from because there wasn't a fire anywhere. I looked down at my feet to make sure I was still standing on solid ground, when I noticed it. My journal. It was lying on the ground, and as I looked around, white pieces of paper were strewn all over the ground. I couldn't understand why I'd do something like that. I loved my journal.

When I thought things couldn't get worse, I felt a scorching hot pain on my wrist. I looked down to find that there were three cuts embedded into my skin. I looked up to see if anybody was around to help me, but I was greeted with the sight of myself. I was looking into a mirror. 

The park and my journal were gone. I was standing in a small bathroom. I looked deeper into my "reflection" and saw that it was pointing down. I tilted my head to see that in my right hand, I was holding a bloody blade. 

"No...I...I would never do something like this to myself." I thought. I finally felt the tears slip, as they fell onto my cheeks. I looked even further to see that I was standing in a puddle of my own blood. The crimson color kept slipping down my left arm, and into the puddle. I stared back up at the mirror, but my reflection was gone. In it's place was a fogged up mirror with one word on it. The one word that haunted me for as long as I could remember. No matter how hard I tried to wipe away the word, it always came back. I couldn't understand what was going on. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. This wasn't me. I'd never do this to myself.

"Armin...Armin...ARMIN!" I woke up to Eren shaking my shoulders. I gasped and took a huge breath of air in. I was sweating everywhere, and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I looked down to see that my left wrist was just how I left it before I went to sleep, cut free. There was no broken journal, or scarred wrist. There was only Eren, who looked very worried about my well being at this point. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Eren asked quietly. I shook my head no. "Nightmare?" He questioned. I nodded. I felt his body wrap around mine, and I was encased by a different kind of heat. "It's okay now, I'm right here. Nothing's going to hurt you. It was just a dream. I'm here for you." Eren whispered in my ear. I held onto him tighter. 

I didn't want to let go in fear of the dream returning. He wiggled out of my grasp and kissed the top of my forehead. That had become our way of saying "I love you." I blushed every time he did it. "Hey, why don't you go and take a shower. You look a little bit worn out from your dream. I'll wait by the bathroom door to make sure you're okay." Eren requested. 

I stripped all of my sweaty clothes off, and quickly stepped into the hot shower. Steam started to swirl all over my body the longer I stayed in the water. I breathed in and out, trying to calm down from my night terror. I scrubbed every inch of my body, and listened to my heartbeat. 

I was here. 

I was alive and breathing. Somebody I care a lot about is right outside this door waiting for me, and no dream's going to dampen my spirits for today. I turned off the water and dried myself off. I stepped into my new, clean clothes and walked out of the bathroom. 

"Feel better?" Eren asked when I walked out. "Yeah, I do." I said confidently. 

"Alright! First order of business, cleaning your room." Eren looked around at my dorm. There were blankets strewn everywhere and dirty clothes were hanging on the back of my desk chair. There were empty containers of Ramen Noodle, along with empty chip bags. 

"How did you even manage to do all of this?" He gestured to my room. 

I just giggled and said, "I have no idea." We went and got Clorox wipes and trash bags from the student store. We ended up opening up my door because all of the cleaning fumes were getting to us. It was actually pretty fun cleaning up my room. We blasted our music, so that the whole dorm complex new what we were playing. Eren and I started jumping up and down when "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen came on. We started belting out the lyrics and sure, we got some weird looks from people, but we didn't care at all. We started to switch off parts and started singing in different keys. At the end of the song, we were laughing our asses off, just laying on the ground with a whole bunch of pillows surrounding us, when I heard Eren yell "Pillow fight!"

It was each man for himself. Pillows were flying everywhere. It seemed as if I had the upper hand, until Eren tackled me to the ground and started whacking me with every pillow he could find. "Okay! Alright! UNCLE! Hahah, stop Eren..." I tried to say without laughing. 

"What was that Arlert? I don't think that I heard y-" 

Eren was cut off when I got free from his grip and pinned him to the ground. A look of surprise was written all over his face after he was laying on the soft carpet. His emerald eyes were gleaming, and he was trying to wiggle free from my grasp. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Jaeger, what was that you were saying?" I impersonated him. "I think you were trying to say, that I win." I smirked while I leaned in closer to the brunette. Eren sighed, "Alright, alright! You win. Happy now?" 

I grinned "Yes, yes I am." I said. I got off of Eren and looked around the room. Pillows were everywhere, but after a few minutes, we had them all back in their rightful place. 

"Alright Blondie, now that we've had our fair share of fun, we should really get ready for the game." Eren said. We grabbed some money from the ATM a few blocks away and then started to walk towards the football stadium. Now, I'm not one for any type of sports, but I do have a small liking of watching football. I understand all of the plays and flags. Eren and I got pretty good seats so that we could see the entire football field. It was getting colder with each passing minute, and even though I had a fall coat on, I was still shivering. 

"Here, let me help you with that." Eren said. Before I could ask what he was talking about, he took off his heavy jacket and draped it over my shoulders. "Oh Eren, I don't need this, you take it back." I pleaded with him. 

"No Armin, you need it more than I do. I'll be fine without it." Eren said. I couldn't find anyway to try and convince him to take it back, so I just said nothing. Although, I did like the feeling of wearing Eren's jacket, it was nice and warm, and it smelled like him. I couldn't stop the blush come onto my face, and I just looked over at Eren and smiled. Eren was very sweet and considerate for me. He made my stomach fill up with butterflies that I couldn't control. 

The game finally started, and all I could hear were screams from both of the teams. The two teams huddled up and started figuring out game plans. Then it was game time. It was actually fun watching the game with Eren. We cheered whenever our team scored a touchdown, and we booed whenever a flag was called. "I didn't know that you knew so much about football, Armin." Eren said. 

"I'm just full of mysteries I guess." I chuckled.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Eren asked. 

"Well, they wouldn't be mysteries if I told you." I retorted. 

"I guess I'm just gonna have to find them out myself." He smirked at me. With each of our retorts, we keep leaning in towards each other. We're so close to each other that I could pinpoint all of the different colors in his eyes. I guess this would be something that most people would call 'flirting' but I don't know if it's that way for Eren. The butterflies feel like they're doing acrobatics or something because my stomach won't stop tingling. We're pulled out of each others gaze, when our team scores another touchdown. I bite my lip and smile. We both go back to focusing on the game, but I steal a few glances from him. At one point he caught me and said "What are you staring at?" I started to profusely blush and I said "Oh sorry, I guess I just zoned out for a bit." He just laughed and smiled at me, before going back to the game. 

In the end, our team won the game 35-21. Eren and I cheered our hearts out. We were jumping up and down because now our team could advance onto State. It really was a good day, and I got to spend every second of it, with Eren. 

We were walking back to my room to watch movies when I started to sneeze uncontrollably. "Hey, are you getting sick?" Eren asked. 

"No, it must be allergies or something." I said to ease Eren. The further we walked however, the worse it got. My nose started running and I felt really dizzy. We finally got back to my dorm after what seemed like forever. I sat on my bed and blew my nose. "I think you're sick Armin." Eren put his hand on my forehead. "Gosh, you've got a really bad fever too. I think that you should stay home from classes tomorrow." Eren said. 

"No, I can't. I've got so much to do tomorrow." I said while Eren was tucking me into bed. 

"Well all of that can wait for another day. I want you to stay home tomorrow. You can't even get out of bed you're so sick. Just get some rest for me, okay?" Eren pleaded. I finally gave in and agreed to stay home. "I will try and come and see you tomorrow. I'll pick you up some tea and soup." Eren said. He stood up to leave, but before he walked out the door, he gently put his lips against my already warm forehead. "Get better Armin, I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams." 

I had no dreams that night, which was probably a good thing since the last one I had scared me to death. I kept tossing and turning in bed, trying to find a comfortable position. Eventually I stood up and walked around a little bit, holding onto my bed railing for support. Then, I spotted something on the carpet. I picked it up and realized that it was Eren's jacket. I held it against my chest and felt all of its warmth envelope me. I slowly walked back to bed, with the jacket in hand, and laid back down. I cuddled with the jacket as if Eren was actually here with me. My eyes finally started to droop and before I knew it, I was pulled into my subconscious, all while snuggling Eren's jacket for warmth and protection. 

The next day wasn't any better. I felt like death rolled up in a blanket. My fever had gotten worse and my throat was now sore. It was about 4:00 when I heard a knock at the door. 

"Come in." I croaked. I expected to see Eren walk through the door, but instead I was greeted with the sight of Mikasa and Annie. "Hey Armin, we heard that you weren't feeling well so we came to see you. We also picked up some cough drops and cold medicine on our way." Mikasa said. 

"Wow, thank you so much you guys." I said to the pair. I took some medicine and sucked on a few cough drops until I could finally talk like a normal human being. 

"Feel better?" Annie asked. 

"Yeah, loads. Again, thank you so much for doing this, but anyways how've you guys been doing?" I asked. 

"We're doing well, just preparing for finals coming up and everything. We're also trying to find an apartment to rent so that we can finally live together." Annie looked sweetly over at Mikasa. Mikasa just blushed and said, "It's a lot harder than we had originally thought, but we aren't going to stop looking." 

I looked at the two girls, and saw just how in love they were. They would just have a conversation with just one look from the other. It was sweet. The two toughest girls I know, could easily melt from one look at somebody they loved. It was magical how love seemed to show the most amazing parts of somebody. "So Armin, how's your semester been going?" Mikasa asked. I told them that everything was going great. I finally had found my touch in writing, and that it'd been all thanks to Eren. 

"He really has been inspiring me I guess. He's really changed me for the better. It's like I can talk to him about anything and he understands. He really is amazing." I sighed and bit my lip a little. I realized that my "tells" were starting to show. "Sorry, I'm rambling again. I tend to do that sometimes." I chuckled. Mikasa then started looking at me like I was a science experiment. "Uh, are you okay Mikasa?" I asked the raven haired girl. 

"You like him, don't you." She said. I just sighed and nodded my head. 

"Great, that's another two people who know my secret now." I thought. 

"Oh my gosh, that's the cutest thing ever!" Annie said. I looked up at her in confusion. 

"What do you mean by that?" I asked. 

"Well, I know what it's like trying to figure out your feelings for somebody. At first, you try and deny it yourself, then once you realize everything, you deny it to people whenever they ask. Then you just get to this point where you can't lie anymore because you like that person so much that it would hurt to lie about your feelings for them. It's a difficult process, but it is what it is. I'm really not surprised that you like Eren though. You give him the same looks that I give to this one over here." She motioned to Mikasa. 

"Hey!" Mikasa exclaimed. "That was a compliment sweetie." Annie said. 

"And hey Armin, I'm not weirded out or anything by you liking Eren. I think that it would actually be really cute if you two did get together." Mikasa said. I thought about everything having to do with me and Eren. I really liked him, to the point of infatuation. 

"It's jus- It's just I don't know how to tell him. I don't even know if I want to tell him. I'm so scared that he won't accept me, I'm more scared of losing him as a friend, than any romantic feeling. We're strong together, and he's just...he's good to me. It's weird. Whenever I'm having a bad day, I can walk past him on campus, and all he has to say is one single word to me. "Hi." and for some reason, everything seems fine. All of my stress and worries go away just like that. He's shown me that I'm able to connect with people, rather than just be reclusive my whole life." I said. I could feel a blush coming on my cheeks and I just looked down at the carpet. 

"Hey, Armin. That's the same way I felt with Mikasa. I was so scared to tell her how I felt. I was worried that she'd laugh in my face, or that she'd be mad at me, and would never want to speak to me again. It's hard to try and understand everything, but sometimes you just have to take a chance and spill out all of your emotions. The way I told Mikasa was we were sitting at the outdoor pool here in town, and the both of us were looking at each other, so I just grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. I was so scared of what she was going to say, but instead she just giggled and kissed me back. Now I'm not saying that you have to do that, but I think you should tell Eren at some point. You don't really realize, but we don't have long on this Earth, so fall in love every second you can, and I know that you might not be in love with Eren right now, but the way you talk about him, it's gonna happen sooner or later. So just be honest with him. It doesn't have to be this second, but I think that maybe after Christmas break or sometime then. It'll really be good for you to get that off your chest. And hey, what's the worst that could happen, he says no. But if he's a good friend like you say he is, then he'll go straight back to being your friend. Everything will be okay Armin." Annie concluded. 

The two girls left a little after our "girl talk" it was nice to get input from them. Maybe I should tell Eren soon. Sometime after Christmas break did sound like good time to tell him. I was pulled out of my plans when there was a knock at the door. Eren came in carrying a box with him. 

"Alright, I've got a sick kit with me. It includes tissues, tea, cough drops, every type of soup you can find, and a movie of your choice. We are all set for tonight." Eren grinned at me. 

I just looked up at him and grinned, "Why are you doing this for me?" I asked. 

Eren looked surprised for a second, before saying, "Why not?" 

That night was filled with the smell of hot soup and laughs. We were both cuddled up in a huge blanket watching one of my favorite movie, Moulin Rouge. Even though I was sick beyond belief, Eren still wanted to snuggle up next to me in the blanket. I zoned out during the movie, and I started to think about what love is supposed to feel like. There are so many different definitions of love these days it's insane, but I think I have my own definition of it. 

It's right now. 

It's being able to look in his eyes, and have the ocean waves and butterflies in my stomach go crazy. It's wanting to hold his hand and kiss him. 

It's just him. 

The only way that I can describe love, is Eren, and I'm okay with that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-OMG. I know that this chapter is very short, but I was dealing with major writers block while writing this. But I promise you guys that the next chapter will be much longer. And I'm sorry if these recent chapters have been dragging a little. I'm trying to get to a huge part in the story, so I'm just trying not to rush. But anyways, here is Chapter 10! Happy Reading -Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 10

Thanksgiving break was finally upon us. It couldn't come at a better time for me. I'd been getting bored in most of my classes, since a lot of what we were doing was reviewing for tests and finals. I decided that I'd just stay on campus with Eren for all of the break, rather than head back to New York to visit my grandfather. He said that he totally understands, and that he'd be even more excited to see me for Christmas break. I really did love my grandfather. After both my mom and dad died, he took care of me for the rest of my childhood. If it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be. He taught me so many valuable lessons in my life. He'd read to me every night, and that's why I cherish books so much nowadays. I couldn't wait to see him during Christmas so I could tell him everything that's happened this semester. 

Most of our friends went home for the holidays, so I mostly spent my time with Eren and sometimes Mikasa and Annie. It was nice to see the campus so empty and quiet when I was skateboarding. It was tranquil and relaxing. I found multiple places to write outside; since there was nobody to bother me. I've been filling up my secret notebook immensely fast. I was proud of everything I was putting into it. It ranged from my thoughts on life itself, to the pressing abnormalities of human society, and some of my favorite quotes by authors and poets. 

Although, my favorite topic to write about in my journal was Eren. Writing about him is really helping me understand my feelings for him. I know that I'm falling in love with the brunette, and sure, nothing's going to happen between us anytime soon, but I'm enjoying every second of falling in love with him. 

He is inexplicably astonishing. He's able to take my breath away every time I see him. He doesn't understand how strong my affection for him grows each day, but I think that one day, he'll learn. He will learn how I get goosebumps whenever he says my name, or how I smile into his chest when he holds me. I need him to know these things because if he doesn't, another might take all of that away from me.

Otherwise, Thanksgiving break has been kinda boring. I pace back and forth in my dorm room for hours at a time when I'm alone, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm just sitting in my dorm room right now, writing in advance for a few of my classes, when I feel my phone vibrate within my jean pocket. 

From Eren: Get ready for me to pick you up in fifteen minutes! We're going on an adventure ;)

I scrambled up to my feet, and quickly start to grab clothes for this spontaneous activity. I felt giddy inside all because of one little text from him. Clothes were flying everywhere as I was looking for the perfect thing to wear. I finally just decided to wear my brown striped sweater and some jeans. I looked in the mirror trying to fix my mess of hair when I heard a knock on the door. 

"Coming!" I yelled to Eren. I clambered over toward the door, and Eren briskly grabbed my arm and pulled me out in the hallway with him. 

"Not this again!" I yelled at him. 

"Aw, come on Armin, we can't waste any more time just sitting around in our dorm rooms for the rest of break. We have to do something spontaneous, and today is that day!" 

We raced to his truck and started to drive to nowhere in particular. "Uh, Eren, where are we going?" I asked the brunette. 

"I have no idea. I'm just gonna drive around town and even to more secluded areas until we find mysterious places, then we can take a few pictures of us there." He smiled at me from the drivers seat. 

I just sighed and said, "You have quite the determination, don't you?" Eren laughed and showed his shimmering emerald eyes.

I looked out the window for most of the car ride. I just started to space out and concentrate on my breathing and all of my surroundings. Then I saw that Eren was messing with the radio. The noise of static and news broadcasts pulsated throughout the truck. He was flipping throughout all of the stations, until a familiar song started to play. Eren and I looked at each other, and in that moment, we knew that we were about to look the most weirdest college students ever. Jamming out to the song "Talk Dirty" by Jason Derulo, was probably the last thing that I would have expected to happen that day, but before I knew it, our hips were swaying in the small seats, and we were belting out the lyrics;

"Been around the world, don't speak the language

But your booty don't need explaining

All I really need to understand is

When you talk dirty to me."

My heart started to flutter whenever I saw his hips move in that erotic way. Of course it had to be this song that I'd get aroused by Eren. I just laughed all of my sexual frustration out and continued to sing with Eren. It was actually pretty fun to be able to just let loose of all emotions and have a good time. After the song ended, we just laughed at each other as we were gasping for breath. 

"Never again." I said while grinning. 

"Oh come on Armin, you know you enjoyed it." He wiggled his eyebrows. I snorted at that little action. From there on out, we kept driving. Watching the scenery elegantly rolling past my window was so enticing. On our way to nowhere, we stopped at little secluded places, like abandoned houses, small ponds, graveyards, and delicate fields of flowers. At each place, we'd take pictures of ourselves there. I was radiating happiness by the end of the adventure. We had many pictures to look at when we got home. One of my personal favorites was a picture of Eren screaming out in pain because a snapping turtle came up behind him, and bit his leg. I was fortunate enough to capture the image on film. 

It was wonderful to just be with him. My heart couldn't stop flipping over and over whenever our shoulders brushed up together. He was causing me so many butterflies in my stomach, at one point I was afraid I was going to be sick. It was all worth it though, we laughed at all of the pictures that we took together, and then went to print them out so that we could hang them all over our dorm rooms. 

As we were hanging up the pictures on some clothes wire, Eren said, "Hey Armin, I know this is going to sound really stupid, but do you think that we will be friends for the rest of our lives? Cause I've been thinking, I've never had a friend like you in my life, and I don't know if I would be able to lose you, without having an emotional breakdown, but I feel at home when I'm with you, and I just...I think that you're my person. I want you to be my person, for now until the end of our days. I know it sounds really cheesy, but I just don't want to lose you anytime soon." Eren looked at me somberly. 

I stood there, short of breath from his sincere words. The spontaneous compulsion to kiss Eren in this moment was agonizingly painful to control. I was astounded that he wanted all of that. To be my friend forever. Forever's a long time, but for some reason, spending forever with Eren didn't seem so bad. 

Instead of giving Eren a long speech about all of the sudden thoughts running through my head on this certain topic, I did one simple action. I walk up to the quiet boy, and placed my lips softly on his forehead. I closed my eyes and tried to picture forever with Eren. To be able to talk to him and smile with him. To love him every day of my life, that could only be compared to some type of paradise. 

"Armin?" Eren spoke softly. I took my lips off of his forehead and looked into those infamous emerald eyes. 

I struggled to grasp hold of words, so I just said a single word "Yes." I nodded my head and Eren seemed to understand what I meant by my vague answer. Without warning, Eren snuggled up into my chest and the both of us gently laid down on the small twin size bed. 

The room was lit up in Christmas lights intertwined around all of the pictures that we took today. I felt like I was on cloud nine, laying next to Eren like this. We both wanted to stay with each other as long as we could, and that was all I ever could've wanted. My feelings for Eren were accelerating like the speed of sound, but I wasn't scared of it. In fact, the excitement of it all was euphoric. Eren was simply mesmerizing, he had me captivated with every glance. Everything seemed to make sense when we were together, and maybe just one day I'd tell him all of the rushing thoughts through my head, but until then, I'm pretty content just looking at the stars with him.


	12. Chapter 12

Armin's POV

Chapter 11

"Deck the halls with boughs of finals" is how the Christmas carol should've been written. Ever since the month of December started, my brains have been working on high gear trying to study for my upcoming finals before Christmas break. I'm pulling A's in all of my classes, but my finals could either make or break my grades. I haven't been able to have a normal sleep schedule in who knows how long. Truthfully, I've only been consuming coffee and sugar, in hopes of staying awake for all of my classes, then finishing homework the second I get back to my dorm. I know that I'll probably crash and burn the second I hand in my last final, but until that moment arrives, dry eyes and coffee stains on t-shirts have been consuming me. 

Although, I still do find time in my busy life to try and hang out with my friends. All of us have been hanging out more at the pizza place with the karaoke system. The owners know our group so well, that whenever we go there they give us a pizza for free since we are constantly ordering food. It's kind of relieving to get out of my stuffy dorm room and laugh with my friends. 

But otherwise, nothing exciting has happened since Eren and I went out and took pictures together. I'm just sitting in my dorm room, studying for my Intro Psych class, when my ringtone on my phone starts to play the song "Carry On Wayward Son." It's Eren's ringtone, since sometimes all he talks about is the TV show Supernatural. It's kinda crazy how much the boy can rant about that show for hours on end. 

I pick up the phone, and I'm greeted with silence on the other end. 

"Hello? Eren?" I say into the phone. 

"Oh there you are Armin! Sorry, my phone is being a piece of shit right now. But anyways, do you mind if you meet me in the library, I'm having some trouble understanding some science theories, and it'd be great if you helped me." Eren said sweetly. 

He did this sometimes, he'd call me in the middle of the night, and ask very sweetly for some help on homework. Truthfully, he didn't really have to put on the sweet talk because I would've helped him regardless, but it was amusing hearing him talk like that. "Yeah, I will be down in a few minutes." I replied into the phone. 

"Great! See you soon!" Eren said, then the phone went dead. 

I walked over to my closet and grabbed my winter coat, scarf, beanie, and winter boots. It had finally started to snow, so my skateboard was begrudgingly hanging on my little post on the wall. I walked out the door with my backpack in hand, and started the cold walk to the library. When I got into the building, Eren was the only one sitting at one of the tables. He waved over at me to get my attention, I waved back. I took a seat right next to the brunette. 

"Thank you so much for coming here so suddenly Armin. You're the best." Eren said. 

A pink flush was splayed all over my cheeks, "Oh, it's nothing, if it helps you in your classes, then it's worth it." I replied quietly. As much as I hate having to walk in the cold for these little study sessions, they do give me an excuse to be with Eren. Most of the time, I teach him the certain theories or problems, and then he tries to solve them, and while he does that, I'm able to steal glances from him. It's cute whenever he starts to concentrate. His eyebrows get all scrunched up and he bites his bottom lip whenever he gets confused. Truthfully though, it's just nice to be able to spend more time with him. His warmth wraps up around me in this cold library. 

After he's done with all of the problems, I check them over to make sure he fully understands them. Then we just sit in silence for a few minutes, taking in the endless rows of bookshelves. 

"So, you excited for Christmas?" Eren finally asks. I stare up into his emerald eyes, which have a blueish tint to them in the lighting right now. 

"Uh, yeah I guess. I don't know, I've never really had a Christmas where I've been able to hang out with friends before so, it'll be different." I replied quietly. 

I could feel Eren's eyes staring at me, so I looked back at him. "Are you okay, Eren?" I asked the boy. He stayed silent for a few more seconds until he said, "I wish I could have been there for you. You were all alone, and I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry." Eren put his face on the mahogany table. 

I leaned down to look at him in the eyes. "Eren, hey, none of that's your fault. You couldn't have done anything to stop all of the horrible things that happened in high school. Yeah sure, I was alone in school, and yes, I was depressed, but you're here now. That's all that matters, you are here now. We're together, we're here for each other. Listen, you're the best friend that I wished for every night in high school. I couldn't ask for anything more than for you just to be here with me. I learned from all of those horrible experiences in school, and now I'm a better person. Just listen to me Eren." I looked directly into his shimmering eyes. "I'm not alone anymore, and it's thanks to you." I said. Eren's eyes grew larger, and his cheeks flushed pink. 

"You really mean that?" Eren asked. 

I chuckled at his comment. "Yes Eren, I really do mean it."

Eren pulled me into a tight embrace. I hugged the boy back with all my might. Once we pulled away Eren said "Well then blondie, I'm going to make this the best Christmas ever." I giggled at his new formed confidence. 

"Alright Mr. Emerald Eyes, it better be." I winked at him. 

The walk back home was a peaceful one. Snowflakes were falling steadily, and Eren was going to spend the night in my dorm tonight, since we didn't have class until noon. I started to walk a little faster than Eren, and when I looked back to check to see if he was okay, I was met with cold snow in my face. 

I could hear Eren double over in laughter. "Oh my god Armin, y-you should have seen your face." He laughed. 

I wiped the snow off of my face, and sneakily started to grab a handful of snow in my hand, while Eren was still laughing his head off. I bunched the snow up into a perfect snowball, and then took aim for Eren. I launched the snow right at him, but unfortunately, the snowball landed right at Eren's feet. It quickly caught his attention. 

"Oh, is that how you want to play Arlert?" Eren said threateningly. 

"Shit, run." My mind was telling my body. The second that Eren came at me with a new snowball, I bolted for my life. I ran for the nearest tree to hide behind, since there was nowhere else I could hide. I tried to control my breathing. If Eren caught me behind this tree, I was going to get a face full of snow. 

I took a chance, and peeked around one side of the tree. There was no sight of Eren in the distance. Then I decided to look on the other side of the tree, but I was greeted with a fist full of snow. I fell, and I felt myself get pinned onto the ground. 

"Eren...urg, ge-get off of mee. I struggled to say with a mouthful of snow. I felt Eren's hand start to put more snow all over my face. 

"Looks like I win this battle, Armin." Eren said with a smirk on his face. I struggled to get out of his tight grasp. 

"Oh come on Eren, I'm gonna get frostbite on my lips if you keep dumping snow all over me." I said. Eren's cheeks flushed even more red than they already were due to the coldness of the air. 

He mischievously raised his eyebrows, and started to lean in closer to me, and whispered in my ear, "I could fix that for you if you wanted." He said seductively. 

My face grew so red and hot that I'm pretty sure that some of the snow on my face started to melt. 

"He has to be joking, right? He really wouldn't want to kiss me. It's just a joke." My mind was racing with all of these possible thoughts. 

Although, all I wanted to do was kiss Eren in this moment. I didn't know how much I could control the urge to kiss him, so to make things fall in place I replied with a smug "Do your worst, Jaeger." 

Eren looked a little taken back "Are you sure Armin? I don't want to steal your first kiss just because of something stupid like a little snowball fight." He said worriedly. I thought about that night in Eren's truck. How he talked to me about how a first kiss should be with somebody you truly love. 

"I love him. I am in love with Eren Jaeger. I am in love with Eren in every way possible. And I really want to kiss him." Those three words were still swimming around my head. I finally put everything together. I really am in love. I never thought that I'd get so close with a person, that I could possibly fall in love with them, but lo behold, here I am, looking at the one person I love the most in the world right now. I love everything about the emerald eyed boy. He's my everything, and I love him with all my might. 

I look at Eren, and realize that I still haven't replied to his question. "Well, you're my best friend Eren, and I love you like a best friend should, right? You said that my first kiss should be with somebody I love, so it would be a privilege to have you steal my first kiss from me." I said sweetly. Eren just blinked and nodded his head. 

Before I knew it, Eren was leaning his head towards mine. His emerald eyes fluttered shut, and I took the cue that I should do the same with mine. I started to lean in towards the brunette, and I could feel that we were getting closer because I'd feel warmer with each passing second. Excitement and anxiousness were bubbling in the pit of my stomach. It was finally going to happen. I was finally going to have my first kiss with somebody I truly and utterly love with all my heart. I felt his breath on my lips, and my hands started to shake in the snow at the long waiting. 

Our lips were just about to finally touch, when we heard somebody yell, "Hey! You over there!" 

We both opened our eyes, and realized that it was campus security, and we were way out past curfew for sophomores. We jumped to our feet and raced back to my dorm room. We could hear the yelps from the security guard, and with each shout, we ran faster and faster. I looked back at the guard to see that he'd slipped and fell on a piece of ice. That was our ticket to get away without punishment.

Once back in the dorm room, we were bending over, hands on our knees, trying to catch hold of our breath. We both looked at each other, and started to laugh. We had so much adrenaline in our bodies that we just laughed it all out. We were rolling on the floor, grasping hold of our stomachs, trying to get air back into our lungs. 

Finally, after we'd calmed down, Eren looked at me and said "Well that was fun, wasn't it." I just shook my head. 

"I can't believe that we almost got caught for something as stupid as that." I said. 

"I know right, we didn't even get to kiss." Eren said with a laugh. 

"Ha Ha. Yeahh." I said while looking at the carpet. 

Eren looked at me with somber eyes, "Hey, you okay?" He asked me. 

I tried to play off that I was perfectly fine, and said, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just still a little worn out from all that running I guess." I lied. 

Eren looked at me with susceptible eyes, "Alright, if you say so." 

I told Eren that I was going to go and take a shower, then we could start watching movies. While in the shower; with all of the scorching water running down my back, I started to think about what just happened in the past few minutes. I was so close to kissing him, so damn close, and then that stupid security guard just had to come over and ruin the mood. I sighed all of my frustrations out and tried to shake off my sad mood. Who knows, I might get another chance at kissing Eren. I just had to be thankful that he was here with me now, even after almost kissing him. After I was out of the shower, we popped some popcorn and started watching movies. Although, we didn't even make it through one of the multiple movies until the both of us fell asleep. 

My sleep was a restless one. I was sucked into my nightmare once again. I saw myself standing in a white room. There was nobody else around. It was just me and the walls. I started to walk around the room, when I heard somebody talking. The words were getting louder and louder, until I had to cover my ears. 

"The time is coming."

Is what the voice was saying. I had absolutely no idea what that phrase even meant. I tried to run out of the room, but I stopped running when I heard Eren's voice this time. His voice was muffled so I couldn't understand a single thing he was saying. I tried calling out for him, to try and get his attention, but nothing worked. Finally, all of the voices stopped. In place of them however, was a stinging sensation on my left wrist again. I knew what I would see when I looked down, and I was greeted with the same three cuts, and a pool of my own blood underneath me. I looked up to try and call out for help, but instead, I saw a shadow on the white wall. Then, my eyes focused on the horrifying image above the shadow. It was the same phrase, "The time is coming." but it was written in blood, my blood. The shadow started to speak, it kept saying those four words over and over. I started to scream to make it stop, but all that happened was the shadow got louder and louder each time. 

I woke up screaming. My heart was beating at an unhealthy rate, and I was covered in my cold sweat. 

"Armin! Hey shh. It's okay. I'm right here." Eren was holding me in a tight grip. My eyes were darting all over the place, trying to take in all of my surroundings. 

"Eren, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I started to cry. Eren quickly hugged me tighter. 

"Hey, it's okay Armin. It was just a dream. You're okay now, I'm right here. It'll be okay, shh, I'm right here." My breathing started to regulate back to normal, and the tears were slowly starting to dry. I just wanted all of these nightmares to stop. It didn't make sense that all of them were intertwined together. I couldn't figure out any sort of 'deeper meaning' to them except that they were scaring the shit out of me. I stayed in Eren's arms for what seemed like hours. 

"Eren, you should really try and go back to sleep." I told the brunette. 

"Not until you do." He replied. Eren could be really stubborn sometimes. I tried to close my eyes, and I finally started to drift off into a more peaceful sleep.

I woke up to sunlight in my eyes and birds chirping outside my window. 

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

I turned my head and saw that Eren was laying on his side so that he could face me. He had really bad bed head, but in some way it was endearing to see. 

"Hey, what time is it?" I said groggily. Eren checked his phone and said "It's about noon." 

I bolted out of my warm blanket. "What do you mean it's noon? We have to go to class Eren!" I said frantically. Eren started to laugh at me freaking out. "This is not a laughing matter Eren!" I yelled at him. 

"Armin, calm down. If you'd stop yelling, I'd tell you that all classes got canceled today because a huge snowstorm hit last night." Eren said. 

I stopped taking my shirt off, and said, "Oh, well you could have just said that!" Eren just chuckled, "Yeah, but it was funny seeing you all frazzled." 

Eren hopped out of his blanket and looked around my dorm room. "Eren, please don't say it's dirty. I just cleaned it yesterday." I said when I noticed him eyeing my room. 

"No, it's not that." 

"Well then what is it?" I asked him. 

"You need a Christmas tree in here." He said nonchalantly. 

"Are you crazy Eren? I can't fit a Christmas tree in this tiny dorm room!" I said. 

"I know that! I meant we should get you a small fake tree. We can put decorations all over it, and listen to Christmas music while we put it up." His eyes started to shimmer, and I knew that he wasn't going to let this idea go. "You really like Christmas, don't you?" I questioned the brunette. 

Eren chuckled a little and said "Let's just say, I love Christmas, like you love Halloween." 

It was then decided that we'd go out and buy a Christmas tree and decorations. We took our time while getting ready. Instead of taking Eren's truck into the city, we decided it would be safer to take the train. After we got all bundled up, we were heading out the door to go on our next adventure. 

We both bought our tickets for the train, and once it was at our stop, we went up and sat in the second level to enjoy the ride. There were barely any people on board so we could talk as loud as we wanted, without getting strange looks of annoyance. 

"Can you believe that this is where you and I met?" Eren said to me. I looked into his green eyes, then at the opposite side of the second floor. He was right, this was the place that our adventure began. 

I looked back at Eren and said, "I'm glad that I got on this train that night." Eren nodded his head in agreement and simply said, "Same here Armin, same here." 

We got into the city, and went into the local Hallmark store. They had some small fake Christmas trees in the back of the store. We picked the one that came with extra Christmas lights, then made our way to Walmart to get some cheesy decorations for it. We had a lot of fun in Walmart. After we picked out all of the decorations for the tree, we went to the $.98 candy bin, and started to organize it. It took us a few good hours, but it was so worth it. Just the satisfaction of seeing all of the candy in its appropriate place was good enough for Eren and me. We went and got some dinner before we had to catch the train ride back to the campus.

The day was a true success. I got a new Christmas tree for my dorm room and now all we had to do was put it together. We laid out all of the different pieces, once we got back to the dorm. I put on some classic Christmas carols, so that this could be the "Ultimate Christmas Experience" as Eren put it. It was a little bit of a struggle trying to figure out which pieces went to which stand. Luckily, we put it all together after only three hours. I then went out and got the Christmas hats that we bought at Hallmark earlier that day. I threw one to Eren, and we put them on. 

We both took a few pictures with each other and later that night, I posted one to Instagram with the caption "The Ultimate Christmas Experience with him :)" 

I took out all of the decorations, and started to hang them all over the tree. When I was putting on a music note decoration, I could feel Eren's eyes on me. I turned to look at him, and his green eyes looked gold from all of the Christmas lights. He was just smiling at me, like he was in some sort of trance. 

"Eren? What are you staring at?" I asked him. He blinked his eyes a few times, and his cheeks got all red of embarrassment. 

"Sorry, I...I um, I was staring at the Christmas tree. It looks really good." He said with a smile. I just chuckled at the brunette. It took one more hour to put all of the decorations on the tree, and when we were done, we stood back to admire our work. 

The tree was glittering and gleaming with the Christmas lights. All of the glass decorations seemed to glow whenever the light hit them at just the right point. The tree looked absolutely magnificent. It was all I could've wished for a Christmas tree. I looked at Eren from the corner of my eye. He was smiling and beaming at all of our hard work. He made eye contact with me, and the both us looked away with flushed cheeks. 

We set up a few blankets, and made some hot chocolate. 

We were laying down when Eren asked, "Armin, what do you want for Christmas?" I looked at him incredulously. 

"You want to get me something for Christmas?" The brunette looked confused for a few seconds, "Of course I am Armin, why wouldn't I get you something?" Eren said. I tried to think of what I wanted for the holiday. I couldn't really think of anything rather than to just spend more time with Eren. "I'm not actually sure. I guess all I really want is to have more adventures with you." I said shyly. 

Eren just gave me a smile and said, "Same here." 

I rested my head on Eren's shoulder and just took in all of the beauty of our Christmas tree. I could hear the song "Baby It's Cold Outside" with Zooey Deschanel playing in the background. I started think that maybe, this Christmas, would be different. I'd be able to just throw away all of my worries and loneliness, and replace it for fun and Christmas spirit. I take another look into Eren's emerald eyes, and I think to myself that he's right. This Christmas is going to be one of the best Christmases that I'll have. It will be the "Ultimate Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-I bet you all hate me for that almost kiss thing ;) but do not fret, there is still more cuteness to come!! I hope you all enjoyed that chapter and I am happy to say that my writers block is all gone!! So there will be more chapters to come! Please keep reading and commenting, and as always, Happy Reading!-Zenovia


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-Wow, over 300 hits?! This is truly amazing you guys! This chapter will probably be more of a filler chapter, but the good stuff is coming. Thank you for everybody who has been reading, and don't worry, I have some pretty good ideas for the rest of this story ;) so as always, Happy Reading!-Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 12

Christmas is one of the most stressful times of the year. Don't get me wrong, I do like Christmas, but the anxiety of trying to figure out what to get all of your friends for the special holiday, is like trying to deactivate a bomb. One wrong move, and everything gets blown back into your face. Not to mention, that all of the Christmas carols get exceedingly annoying after listening to them in department stores for hours on end. 

Although, being able to cross off all of the days until Christmas break is pretty relieving. I've started some of my finals, and I'm almost done with my Creative Writing final. Other than tests, my days have been dragging out. All of my friends have decided that before we all go back home for the holiday's, we should do a massive gift exchange. All of us; including Mikasa, will all meet up at Jean and Marco's to have the get together. Picking out gifts for all of my friends has been the death of me. Standing in line at department stores is bad enough with my social anxiety, but throw in the stress of getting the perfect gifts for everybody, well then just put me in a coffin right now. 

Eren keeps telling me that I don't have to get him anything special for Christmas, but he's the one person that I want to buy the perfect gift for. I tried looking at some guitars, since I remember him saying that he wanted one a few weeks ago, but most of the guitars that I looked at would've made me broke for months. I tried to ask Mikasa for help on what to get Eren, but she said that she usually just gets him some type of gift card and a sweater. 

I was stuck. "What the hell am I going to do?" I questioned myself. He's probably gotten me something amazing, and all I can do is lay on my bed, trying to tune out all of my thoughts with music. 

I instantly sat up in my bed. 

"Why didn't I think of this before?" I said out loud to myself. I rushed over to my closet and grabbed my winter coat. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Annie. I remembered that she had told me at the bonfire that she was also a music major with Eren.

To Annie: Hey Annie! It's Armin. Do you happen to have a keyboard or guitar in your dorm? I started to walk out of my door, as I was anxiously waiting for a reply from Annie, when I felt a vibration from inside my jean pocket.

From Annie: Um yeah, I have a keyboard in my room. Why do you ask?

I quickly typed back a reply.

To Annie: Uhh...it'll be easier to explain if I just talk to you in person. Are you in your room right now?

From Annie: Yeah, I'll get the keyboard setup. 

To Annie: Thank you so much! See you soon!

I locked my phone, and walked over to Annie's dorm room. I rapidly knocked on the beige door. I was greeted with the blonde girl, wearing a white baggy sweatshirt. Annie motioned for me to come into her room. 

"Okay Armin, what's gotten into you? You're not the spontaneous type, so spill." Annie placed a hand on her hip. I quickly tried to explain my sudden idea. I looked into her cyan eyes, and pleaded with her to help me. She then sighed out in exasperation, "Fine, I'll help you. It may take longer than you think to do this though." She said doubtfully. 

"As long as it's done by Christmas, that's all the time I need." I said to Annie. 

We went to work immediately; figuring out key signatures and rhythms until our eyes were strained. There was crumpled up sheet music all over Annie's dorm, but after hours of hard work, we had a start to my insane idea. "Are you sure that this is what you want?" Annie asked me for the hundredth time that day. "I think so. God, I just hope Eren likes it." I said nervously. Truthfully, Eren was either going to love or hate the idea that I had for his Christmas present. "I think he will. It's really from the heart Armin, and Eren adores all of that mushy stuff. Stop worrying, everything will be fine." Annie assured me. 

After I got back from Annie's, I started to try and write phrases for Eren's present. 

"When our stars align  
Everything seems perfectly fine.  
With one look, and one touch, I can't say it enough  
I'm on cloud nine!  
When our stars align."

I start to hum the tune that Annie and I'd worked out on the keyboard earlier today. This was probably one of the cheesiest things that I've ever done in my life, but at this point, I really don't care. It's better than standing in a department store for numerous hours trying to find a gift. 

I started to wrap everybody else's presents after I finished all of my homework for my classes. I mostly just got everybody gift cards, and something a little more sentimental. I was almost done wrapping Annie's present, when I heard a knock at the door. "Come in!" I yelled in the direction of the door. My heart started to pound in my chest when Eren walked through the door. 

"Hey Blondie!" Eren remarked once he took his coat off. "Hey." I said quietly. 

Eren sat down next to me, and looked over my shoulder to see what I was wrapping. "Who's that for?" Eren questioned. "Annie." I said simply. Eren nodded his head. 

It was moments like these that I knew for a fact that Eren was my best friend. We're able to just enjoy each other's company, without talking. We'd have silent conversations with just our eye contact. It was almost relieving that we didn't have to talk about something 24/7. Eren went and made us both some hot chocolate and got a blanket. "Thank you" I said to him, as he handed me the drink. 

Eren snuggled up right next to me in the fluffy blanket. His warmth was so intoxicating, that I just wanted to fall asleep in the blanket with Eren. 

"Hey Armin, what do you really want for Christmas. I want to get you something special, but I draw a blank whenever I walk into a shop." Eren finally spoke. 

I stared into his bright emerald eyes and tried to think what I wanted for Christmas; besides him having the same feelings for me as I do for him. Then, a thought finally occurred to me. I gave Eren a small grin and said "A book." 

Eren scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "That's it? Just a book?" 

"Well, not any book. I can't believe that I didn't think of this earlier! But what I really want, is the Perks of Being a Wallflower. I haven't seen the movie yet since I want to read the book first. It's just, I haven't had the time to go to a bookstore in a while and grab it." I said with excitement. 

Eren just gave me a sly grin and shook his head, "Alright Blondie, just try and act surprised at the gift exchange." 

I giggled into his shoulder, "I will." 

We sat there for a few minutes, just enjoying the company of one another. It was moments like these, that I really knew that I was head-over-heels in love with Eren. We sipped our hot chocolate and took in the sight of my little Christmas tree. I looked at Eren, and all of the lights from the tree reflected back into his bright green eyes. He was mesmerized by the little tree, but he finally made eye contact with me. We both just smiled at each other, and tried to look for words to say. Eren's eyes however, dropped their gaze, to what looked like was my chin. "Why is he looking at my chin? There's nothing attractive about that." I thought in my mind. It took me a few seconds to realize that Eren really wasn't looking at my chin, but he was looking at what was above it. My cheeks grew warmer with the realization that Eren was transfixed on my lips. Eren's eyes started to glaze over, and he started to absentmindedly lean in towards me. My heart was beating as fast as a hummingbird's wings. Before I knew it, my eyes had also drifted to look at the brunette's lips. The urge to speed up the process, and just kiss Eren, was agonizingly hard to control, but before I could decide to lean in any further, Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" was playing over Eren's phone. 

We both jumped a little in our seats. Eren looked at the caller ID and mouthed the word "Annie" to me. I nodded my head, and went back to staring at the Christmas tree. 

Once again, I'd been denied the opportunity to kiss Eren again. It was starting to get harder with each passing day not tell Eren how I really felt about him. I was just afraid, I guess. I'm more afraid of losing Eren as a friend, rather than losing him romantically. I couldn't possibly begin to imagine what it'd be like to have him cut out of my life, just because of some stupid emotional feelings. That's why I've been refraining from telling him anything. 

Irrational fears can control you to a point where they seal your lips. 

I started to focus in on the conversation that Annie and Eren were having over the phone. I couldn't hear what Annie was saying, so all I heard was Eren responding with "Okay's" and "Yeah's." 

Then, Eren turned towards me and said into the phone, "Yeah, one second, let me ask him." Eren pulled the phone to his chest so Annie didn't have to hear the conversation. "Hey, I think everybody is going to the outdoor skating rink, would you want to go?" I nodded eagerly at the brunette. Eren smiled at my enthusiasm, and said over the phone to Annie, that we'd be at the rink soon. I stood up from my blanketed spot, and started to get all of my winter clothes on. 

Once the both of us were ready, we drove over to the skating rink to meet up with everybody. Annie, Jean, and Marco were standing at the gate, and I could see that Connie, Sasha, Ymir, Christa, Erwin, Hanji, Reiner, and Bert, were already on the ice. We stepped in line with the three, and waited to get our skates. 

From watching the others on the ice while I was putting my white skates on, I could tell that Connie and Sasha were the only ones who actually knew what they were doing. 

"Connie and Sasha were on the same hockey team when they were in high school." Annie said from behind me. She motioned to the pair, they were doing sharp turns, and spraying an icy mist all over Erwin. I chuckled and shook my head at the two troublemakers. I finally got my skates on and stumbled on the ice. I easily found my balance. When I lived with my grandfather in New York, we'd always go to the ice rink in the winter, so I had some experience on the ice. Although, that didn't stop me from tripping and falling from time to time. 

I looked around the ice and saw that Ymir was holding hands with Christa, while gliding on the ice. Hanji was laughing whenever Erwin fell, Bert and Reiner were talking over on the edge of the rink, and Jean and Marco were seeing who could make it without falling when trying to spin. My eyes were looking all over for Eren, but I couldn't seem to find him. I went back to the stands, where we had put our skates on, and then I saw him lying on the ground, trying to get back up, but inevitably falling back down. I rushed over to his side, and helped him back up. "Thanks Armin." Eren said. He had his hand on my shoulder to keep his balance, when walking onto the ice. 

I gently grabbed both of his hands, and led him onto the ice. He started to wobble and I told him to try and stand up straight. He slowly got to a balanced position, and skidded towards me. 

"That's better Eren! Now, this is just like roller skating, just try and push off with one foot, then glide with the other." I instructed him. I let go of his hands, and showed him how to glide easily on the ice. "See, simple!" I yelled over at Eren. I glided back towards him and grabbed hold of one of his hands, and slowly started to move. 

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Eren started to say, when he started to lose his balance. 

"Calm down, it's okay. I've got you." I told Eren. We stopped moving for a second, so that Eren could get his bearings in order. Then after a few starts and stops, we were finally moving at a slow and steady pace. 

"H-hey, look Armin! I think I finally got a hang of this." Eren said shakily. Eren was lightly hanging onto my arm, and was somewhat gliding across the ice. I was a little leery of him hanging onto me, because if he fell, I was going down with him. Everything was going perfectly fine, until Sasha and Connie decided to zoom past us, and disrupt Eren's steady skating. 

He started to shake and wobble, "Oh shit, I don't got it anymore!" He yelled out. 

"Eren, let go of me!" I pleaded with him, but he just seemed to grab on even tighter to my arm. "Eren, let go!" I tried to say. 

"Armin, HELP ME!" He screamed at me. 

"EREN! Let go or we are going to-" His skate went up in the air, and he dragged me down with him. My butt hit the ice, then his body impacted with mine, so that I was laying on the ice. I was groaning and trying to get up, but Eren was stuck where he was. 

Connie and Sasha stopped right in front of us. "Oh, what a shame, and you were doing so well Eren." Connie said teasingly. Sasha started to giggle and put her hand in front of her mouth to cover up her laughing. 

"Connie, I swear to god, once I get back up, I'm going to kill you." Eren tried to get back up, but with each try, he would just topple back on me. 

"What a compromising position, wouldn't it be a shame if somebody were to document this unfortunate event." Sasha said evilly. 

And as if God was trying to embarrass me even more in this moment, I heard a camera click from the opposite side of the ice. I turned my head to see Jean, with a straight face, taking a picture of Eren and me sprawled over the ice. Eren happened to notice what Jean was doing as well, and suddenly, he was finally able to get back up. I turned towards Sasha, and she was laughing her head off. 

"I-I swear, I didn't t-tell Jean to do that! It just conveniently happened." She said in between gasps of air. I then saw that Eren was on his knees crawling towards Jean, screaming at him to delete the photo. 

But sadly, by the end of the night, the photo was already on Instagram with the caption "They can't seem to get enough of each other ;)"

 

After our little ordeal, all of us decided that it would be best if we stopped skating for tonight, to avoid more "accidents." Once we were all done putting our skates away, we all rushed outside, and started to play in the snow. We spontaneously started to have a huge snowball fight. We divided into two teams. Team one was Eren, Christa, Reiner, Hanji, Marco, and Bert. 

Team two consisted of Annie, Jean, Ymir, Erwin, Connie, Sasha, and me. If one of us got hit by one snowball, we were out. My team started to build a little fortress, along with an abundance of snowballs. Connie and Sasha went out and tried to scope out the opposing team. Then the attack came. Eren's team came from behind us and hit Ymir. Annie started to throw snowballs, and she luckily hit Bert and Christa. I sprinted off into the distance, hoping that nobody would see me. I hid behind a larger tree, and watched the attack from a distance, planning what my next tactic would be. Annie came and ran up by my side and we tried to formulate a plan. If we crushed the other teams fort, they'd have to run out in the open. Annie and I decided that I'd give her the signal when it was all clear for her to go out and attack. 

Most of our team had been taken out, the only ones that remained were Annie, Sasha, and me. The other team still had Eren, Reiner, and Marco left to take out. Annie and I hid behind the tree, until I gave her the signal to sprint over to the fort. In the process of this, I saw that Sasha had thrown a snowball at Marco, that luckily got him out, but unfortunately, Eren had been waiting for that exact moment so that he could hit Sasha. It was just Annie and me, against Eren and Reiner. 

I stayed close to the tree, and watched how Annie was doing. She finally got to the fort, but was ambushed by Reiner. Both of them had a single snowball, and both of them got hit by the other ball of snow. "Shit. It's just me and Eren now." I thought. I grabbed a snowball for protection and looked around at my surroundings. I sprinted over towards another tree and hid behind it, but that was my biggest mistake.

"I knew I would find you here." Eren said smoothly. I tried to assess the situation. Eren had a single snowball in his hand, and he was acting rather flirtatious with me right now. I could use that to my advantage. 

I smiled at him and held my arms up "It looks like you've caught me Mr. Emerald Eyes, I surrender, you can do with me whatever you wish." I said seductively. I knew that Eren got flustered rather easily, and I wouldn't have to do much seducing to get to control the situation. Eren's eyes grew larger and he hesitated for a second. I stepped towards the brunette, but unexpectedly he grabbed me and pushed me against the tree. 

"I know what you're trying to do Blondie, you're trying to pull me into all of your sweet words, but that's not going to happen." He said proudly. 

I smirked a little, "If that's correct, then why are you leaning towards me every few seconds?" I retorted. Eren then realized the distance between us had gotten unexpectedly close, so close that our noses were almost touching. I then performed the final act of my seducing, I started to stare at Eren's lips, ever so slightly, and slowly started to close my eyes. I kept them open enough so that I could see when he was closing his, and the moment he did, I took my chance. I grabbed the hand that Eren still had his snowball in, and I smashed it right against his face. I felt him try and push against me, but the damage had already been done. My team had victoriously won the battle.

All of my teammates ran up towards me and hugged me like I had just won the Superbowl or something. I looked back at Eren, and he was brushing all of the snow off of his face, but he was laughing. 

I walked towards the brunette "Good game, Blondie." Eren winked at me. Now it was my turn to feel flustered. I giggled and we started to walk back with everybody else. 

After the fight was over, all of us went and got some hot chocolate to warm us up. We were sitting at a huge round table, and it reminded me of all of the stories I read about King Arthur and the Round Table. We all got our cups of hot chocolate, but before any of us could indulge in the warm drink, Marco stood up. 

"Alright, now I know that this is going to be the cheesiest thing ever, but I want to make a toast." All of us looked at each other and we raised our styrofoam cups. Marco continued, "It has really been an amazing year for all of us. We have so many new memories to share, and luckily, we got to make some new memories with pretty amazing people." Marco glanced over at Jean, and Eren and I looked at each other, and just smiled. "But it's not over yet, we still have the rest of December to make even more memories for the end of the year, so let's give it our all, and get through all of our finals, so we can keep making more fun memories with each other." We all nodded, and said "To new memories!" 

We drank our hot chocolate, but before I could drink mine, Eren lightly tapped me on the shoulder, and raised his cup and whispered for only me to hear, "For a new adventure Blondie." 

I bit my lip and smiled, "For a new adventure Mr. Emerald Eyes, for a new adventure."


	14. Chapter 14

Armin's POV

Chapter 13

The colors red and green were strung everywhere around the campus a day before Christmas break. Blankets of snow covered the grounds of the school in a winter wonderland, and water had become ice sculptures in the fountains. Although, all of this beautiful scenery was hidden behind shaded windows, and pencil shavings. All of my friends and I were cooped up in stuffy classrooms finishing all of our finals, waiting to finally be released from this torture. It was absolutely exhausting, but just thinking about the freedom I'd have after all of this was over, is what was pushing me to fill in more of the answers on my final. Every time I checked the time on the clock above the whiteboard, it seemed as if the hands on the clock were pushed backwards. 

I groaned silently at how cruel time was being to me. 

I went from class to class, finishing out whatever finals the teachers threw at me. Then finally, I was at my last class, and last final for the semester. I strode into the English building, with my head held high. Since Professor Petra gave us an efficient amount of time to complete our final, all I had to do in the class was to edit any grammatical errors I had. 

By the end of the class period, I'd finally turned in my fifteen to twenty page final. I raced out of that classroom like I was the Flash. I just wanted to get to my dorm and to never look at another note card again. As I was trying to run through all of the snow on the sidewalk, I felt a small vibration from inside my jean pocket. I stopped running and dug into my pocket to see was caused the vibration. 

From Eren: "Hey, you done with finals yet?" I took off my gloves and replied to the brunette.

To Eren: "Yeah, just got done. Why do you ask?" I started to walk back to my dorm, when I felt the vibration again.

From Eren: "Meet me at your dorm room in five minutes! I'll explain later." 

"Here we go." I said to myself. 

Once I finally got back to my dorm, and unlocked the door, I saw that Eren had already situated himself on my bed. 

"Finally! It took you forever to get here!" Eren said jokingly. I rolled my eyes at him, and put my backpack on the floor. "Alright, Eren. What do you have in mind for today?" I questioned the brunette. 

Eren stood up from the bed and said, "You like shopping right?" I was a little confused at what he was trying to get at, but I still nodded my head in response. Eren's grin widened, "Time for a new adventure my friend!" He said enthusiastically. 

"But what about the gift exchange tonight?" I asked. "Don't worry, we will be back before it starts. I just wanted to spend some time with you before we had to hang out with everybody else." Eren's eyes seemed to gleam after he said that. The ocean waves in my stomach, were conjuring up a storm. I sighed at Eren and agreed to go shopping with him before the gift exchange.

We got into his truck and started our next little adventure. We jammed out to the radio all the way to the mall downtown. Although, we almost got into a car accident when Eren was head banging too much when the song "Handlebars" by the Flobots, came on. That little 'near death experience' drove us into a fit of laughter after we were in the clear. We finally got to the mall without any dents in Eren's truck. We walked through the sliding doors, and were hit with the smells of cheap perfume and cleaning products. There were many more people than we thought would be there because of the holiday's and everything, so we tried to avoid all of the big brand name stores for a little while.

We strolled through the food court, and we even went to Build A Bear, just for fun of course. At one point, when we were walking through the halls, going from store to store, mine and Eren's hands accidentally brushed up against each other. I looked into his emerald eyes, that were looking right back at mine. I could see a little blush start to creep up on his ears and cheeks before we both looked away. 

We were both looking to see if any stores interested us. I was looking at all the stores all around us, when I finally found the best store of all time for a geek like me. Hot Topic. My eyes grew wide, and before I knew it, I was grabbing at Eren's wrist, pulling him towards the direction of my favorite store. 

Fall Out Boy songs vibrated the store with the constant drumming of the beat. I could've probably spent all day in that store, if it wasn't for the gift exchange later that night, and also the store closed at nine. I seemed to forget that Eren was even with me when I found the wall of shirts containing all of my favorite bands on the front of the apparel. I was acting like a little kid in a candy shop. I traveled all over the store, stopping at the Harry Potter section and of course the anime section. 

When I was in high school, I used to get so much band and fandom merchandise, that my grandfather restricted me from going to the mall for a month. I seemed to lose track of time whenever I went into that store. I could've spent two hours in Hot Topic, and only buy like three things. When I was finally pulled out of all of my excitement, I tried to find Eren. He was looking at all of the Supernatural merch. I walked up to the brunette, and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. 

"Hey Blondie! I thought I'd never see you again when you walked in here." Eren smirked. 

"Ha Ha Ha, very funny Eren. Sorry I ran off though, I just love to geek out in here. I just love this store so much! The only problem with Hot Topic for me, is that the clothes never fit me right. I try all of the black skinny jeans, but they just don't seem to suit my figure I guess." I told Eren. 

A mischievous grin was splayed on Eren. "Hey Armin, what are your three favorite bands?" Eren suddenly asked. I was confused as to why he was asking me the question, but I still answered honestly. 

"Um, well probably Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, and My Chemical Romance, but Eren, why do you want to know all of that?" I asked him. He grabbed me by my shoulders and told me to stand still. I grudgingly obeyed his strange order, and stood in my place. I was looking at all of the Supernatural shirts and wallets, when I felt my phone vibrate a few minutes later. I opened it to see I had a strange text from Eren.

From Eren: "Hey, come in the number 3 dressing room, and knock on the door so I know it's you."

I looked around for the dressing rooms, until I found one that was labeled with the number three. I lightly knocked on the black door, until I heard Eren's voice telling me to come inside the room. 

I turned the doorknob, and was meet with a sight that surely was going to put me in a coma if I kept staring. Eren was clad in tight, black skinny jeans along with a My Chemical Romance t-shirt, a P!ATD bracelet, and fake black earrings. I could feel myself drooling at this intoxicating sight. 

If this was a cartoon, there would be a little angel on one of my shoulders and a miniature devil on the other, but both of them would be telling me the same thing. 

"Fuck Eren Jaeger in this Hot Topic dressing room." 

I could feel all of the blood rushing downwards, and there was no stopping it. Luckily for me, I had a baggy sweatshirt on to hide my arousal. I was at a loss for words. I was afraid if I said anything, I'd end up telling him that I really, really wanted to have sex with him. So many dirty scenarios were dancing through my mind, that my whole body started to tense up. Eren was cruel. He was so evil, that he'd try and see how far he could push me until I finally snapped. He knew exactly what he was doing to me, and my sanity. He started to brush the hair out of his face, and he popped one of his hips out, and that was the finishing touch for me. I grabbed him and told him that he was going to buy that outfit, or I was going to buy it for him. 

"Armin, are you okay, you seem really flustered." Eren said in a concerned tone. I looked at the ground and shook my head no. After we bought his little outfit, he took me out to sit on a bench. I tried to settle my breathing, and get my arousal under control. I took some deep breaths and tried to speak appropriate words to the brunette. 

"S-sorry about that, I-I think I got a little claustrophobic and I just needed to get out of the store quickly." I lied to Eren. Luckily, he didn't see past my lie and nodded in understanding. 

After my little melt down, the both of us left the mall. We bought a few things from Hot Topic and other department stores. I felt much better once we were away from the mall, and heading to my dorm to get all of the presents for the gift exchange at Jean and Marco's. Now that I got all of my nervousness away from being sexually attracted to Eren, a new anxiety crept in. I was to give Eren his Christmas present tonight. I'd gotten him two different things. One of them was a book on music theory, plus I got him a book of newer pop songs to play on his piano. The one that I was nervous to give him was the project that Annie had helped me with. I wanted to give him that present in private, but I still didn't know how to get him alone with me, without having everybody start to assume things about the two of us. 

We finally pulled up to my dorm complex, and I quickly went upstairs and grabbed the huge bag that contained all of my friends presents. We then went to Eren's dorm, and he did the same thing. The ride to Jean and Marco's was very quick. We pulled up to their apartment building, and knocked on their door. Marco greeted us, and invited us inside. The room was covered head to toe in tinsel and Christmas lights. Marco and Jean had a real Christmas tree in the corner of the room, with numerous presents at the bottom of it. Jean told me that I could put my bag of gifts with everybody else's at the bottom of the tree. 

I looked around the room and saw that the whole squad was here, and pleasantly, Mikasa was here for the festivities as well. Everybody was wearing a Christmas hat, whether they liked it or not. I grabbed two hats from the coffee table, and put one on Eren's head. 

"Merry Christmas, Eren." Eren winked at me with those shimmering emerald eyes, 

"Merry Christmas, Armin" I could feel a blush splayed all over my cheeks, until I heard somebody from the group yell "Just kiss already!" I looked around to see who said that, but nobody would own up to their crime. 

"Alright guys, should we finally start handing out presents?" Jean asked the group. We all nodded our heads like eager Kindergartners. First off was Sasha, she gave most of us gift cards to fancy restaurants and some new clothes that she'd made herself. Connie seemed to have the same idea as Sasha with the gift cards, but he didn't give one of them to the auburn haired girl. Instead, he pulled out a huge bag of potatoes. 

Apparently, when Connie and Sasha were in high school, Sasha had decided to bring a potato to gym class, and she started to eat it when the gym teacher was giving instructions. She got detention for a week and did extra running that day in gym. All of us started to laugh our heads off when Sasha picked up the bag. 

"Fuck you Connie! That happened one time, and now I can never live it down." Sasha kept rambling, until Connie placed a soft kiss on her cheek, that effectively shut her up. All of us cat called at the two, but Sasha didn't yell back at us, since she was still in shock at what Connie had just pulled. 

The gift exchange went on from there. I got books from Christa, Hanji, Ymir, and Reiner. I received iTunes money from Bert and Erwin. Mikasa and Annie bought me new phone cases with my favorite TV shows on them. Jean got me a new winter scarf. Marco bought me two Game of Thrones sweatshirts. One said "Crows Before Hoes" with a sword underneath it. The other one had a lion on it, and underneath it said in white letters "The Lannisters Send Their Regards." I gave Marco a death glare for the second sweatshirt. The Red Wedding did things to my sanity afterwards. Eren then finally gave me my gift. I acted surprised, just like Eren wanted me too. However, when I opened the book, I was actually pleasantly surprised. I was flipping through all of the pages, and realized that some of them had yellow highlighter marks over the words. I opened the book to the back cover, and pulled out a little piece of notebook paper, it read:

'Dear Armin, I couldn't just give you a plain old book, without adding a little something special. All of the highlighted parts are sections of the book that I absolutely had to share with you. This book really showed me that it was okay to just be me, and it really inspired me to write music. I hope that it does the same for you. Feel free to highlight the book as well, and don't be afraid to share your favorite parts with me. Merry Christmas, Armin. Love, Eren.' 

I looked at the brunette, and he was just sitting there, smiling that big goofy smile at me. I then pulled Eren into a tight embrace. Eren tensed up at my sudden contact, but finally gave in to the hug. "Thank you, Eren." I whispered into his ear. I felt his stomach move as he chuckled, "No problem, Armin." I looked back at the room, and noticed that everybody's eyes were staring directly at us. I saw Annie wink at me, and I swear, it looked as if Connie were using his fingers to smash our heads together in his eyesight. I easily laughed off the little bit of tension, and started handing out all of my gifts to everybody. 

I gave most of my friends some type of gift card along with something a little more personal. I got Hanji a chemistry set, Erwin got a workout DVD and a pair of tweezers as a joke. Christa got a gift card to Barnes and Noble to get all of the books on Medieval Times she wanted, since she was a history major. Ymir got a Starbucks gift card because she was always up late studying. Connie and Sasha got matching t-shirts that said 'Thing 1' and 'Thing 2' on them. Reiner and Bert got some iTunes gift cards. I bought Annie some new sheet music, and a note attached that thanked her for helping me with Eren's present. I got Mikasa a new winter scarf and some painting supplies since she was an aspiring artist. For Jean, I bought him some new sunglasses and a notebook with a picture of a horse on it, just for fun. I got Marco a new Doctor Who sweatshirt that said "Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Stuff" Marco got a kick out of that one. Finally, for my first gift for Eren, I gave him the book of music theory and the book of pop songs for piano. Everybody loved all of their gifts, and I loved all of mine. 

After cleaning up all of the wrapping paper from all of the presents, we all decided to play a "friendly" game of Truth or Dare. We gathered up in a circle and started to play. Connie and Sasha were the people to help everybody else think of funny dares to pass onto the other person. The first person to go was Connie. He picked the one of the most innocent people in the room, Marco. 

"Alright Freckles, Truth or Dare?" Connie asked Marco. Marco took his time deciding which of the two to pick, either way, he was probably going to be embarrassed by the end of it. 

"Truth." Marco stated. 

Connie grinned evilly then said "How many times have you had sex with Jean?" Marco looked like his head was going to start steaming by how red it was getting. He started stumbling through his words, "Alright, to make it easy for you, on average, how many times do you have sex a week?" Connie simplified the question. Marco put his head in his hands and mumbled through his words, "Fhmm" 

"Sorry, what was that Freckled Jesus, I couldn't hear you?" Connie started teasing. 

"FOUR! Four times okay?" Marco yelled. All of our mouths dropped at how much action Marco and Jean got. I turned my head to see that Jean wasn't phased at all by all of this, he simply shrugged his shoulders and continued playing. 

After a few more turns, we were onto the last person to pick. It was Sasha's turn to decide to choose the last person of the night. Her eyes scanned over the small crowd, until they landed on striking emerald eyes. She showed her mischievous grin to Eren, and then asked him the obvious question. "Dare." Eren said nonchalantly. Sasha looked very pleased with herself at his answer, then said six words that'd change everything. 

"I dare you to kiss Armin."

I could feel all eyes on me, and I looked out of the corner of my eyes to look at Eren, who just so happened to be looking right back with the same expression on his face. I turned towards the auburn haired girl and pleaded with her to switch the dare. "Listen Sasha, I really don't want my first kiss to be because of some silly game, please can you just change the dar-" 

The feeling of lips on somewhere other than my forehead was a strange sensation. I couldn't speak, my lips couldn't find words, even if they wanted to because suddenly Eren's lips were pressing against my cheek. I was actually afraid that I was going to have a heart attack in front of everybody. I could see that some people's mouths dropped open, and others were snickering. All I could feel were his sweet, hot lips on the side of my already warm face. I couldn't move an inch from my spot, until Eren finally returned to his original sitting position. 

"Happy now?" He looked at Sasha and everybody else in the room. 

After the party was over, Eren and I were hanging out in my dorm room. We hadn't really said anything to each other since the whole 'kissing' incident, but Eren didn't seem too irritated with me when we were hanging out. 

We were sitting on a fluffy blanket in my room when Eren finally spoke to me. "Hey Armin, I have another present for you." I sat up immediately, and looked into his now amber eyes. "R-really? Cause, I have one for you too. But we have to go to your dorm room so I can show it to you." Eren agreed to my weird request and we walked in the snow together. 

Once the door opened to his room, I was hit with a blast of heat. I went and sat on his bed. "Alright, you first." I motioned to him. Eren went and got my gift out of his little closet. 

"Here, I didn't want to give it to you at the gift exchange because I wanted this just to be a little secret between you and me." Eren said quietly. I tore off all of the wrapping paper to find a notebook, and what looked like a mix-tape. I opened the little brown notebook, and saw that something was already written in between the margins. I recognized Eren's handwriting and looked at the little note. 

"Write about our adventures sometime." 

I looked up at Eren, with hot tears in my eyes. Nobody, had ever given me something like this before. Even though they were just so simple of words, they meant the world to me. He wanted me to write about us. To be able to write about how much I cherished him, and to describe all of our adventures together, was something that I would have never passed the opportunity for. 

"That's not all though. I know that you write best with soothing music on, so I decided to go old fashion, and make you a mix-tape. I know, it's very cliche, but I thought that it would be perfect." Eren shrugged his shoulders. I looked at the songs on the mix-tape. Lots of them were slower songs, one of them was "I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)" The same version that I played for Eren on Halloween night. 

"Eren, I-I can't thank you enough. I love all of it." Eren gently wiped the tears dripping down my cheeks. 

"I'm glad Blondie." Eren said. 

I sniffed and tried to get myself together. "Alright, now for my present for you. Just don't laugh, okay?" I said shyly. 

"Armin, I'd never laugh at you." Eren assured me. I went up to his keyboard, and turned it on. I pulled out the sheet music that Annie and I'd worked on and started to lightly press the small keys. I took a deep breath and started to sing. 

"When our stars align   
Everything seems perfectly fine.   
With one look, and one touch, I can't say it enough  
I'm on cloud nine!   
When our stars align."

I played over through the bridge that Annie had taught me and over some more lyrics, until I finally ended the song that I'd made for Eren. I looked up at the brunette, and waited for him to say something because the silence was killing me. 

"I-I can't believe somebody as perfect as you, would do something like that, for a person like me." Eren looked at me with his shimmering emerald eyes. 

"I'm not perfect, Eren." I said to him. 

"But you are! You are so amazing to me Armin! I-I..." I was sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for him to finish his sentence, but instead, he stood up and motioned for me to take his hand. 

Before I could ask what we were doing, we were already in his truck, going down a familiar road. Eren parked his truck in one of the many open parking spaces. I got out of the vehicle and looked around at the familiar sight. 

"We're at your thinking place." I stated to Eren. 

"That's right, this was my place, but I shared it with you because you are so damn special to me, that I thought it efficient to show you a place like this. I'd never take Mikasa here, or anybody else of that matter, but I showed you because you're so perfect Armin." I couldn't understand the words that Eren was saying. 

"But Eren, I'm not perfect. I'm not anything that you are saying me to be." I retorted. "Yes, you are." "I'm not." 

"Stop saying that!" Eren yelled at me. I was in a state of shock, Eren had never yelled at me like that before. His facial expression lightened up a little, "Armin, I don't care if you don't think you're perfect, but I think you are. You might think that you're all alone whenever you get lost in all of your thoughts, but guess what, I'll find you. I will search forever if I have to, but I'll search through all of the existing wonders of your thoughts, just to get you back to me. You mean so much to me Armin. I couldn't afford to lose you. You are my person after all." Eren stepped closer to me with each of his statements. 

I had the urge to kiss him again. Right here, right now. I spoke to Eren, "Eren, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I can't think of myself like you see me. I do honestly try, but it's harder than you think." 

Eren grabbed hold of my hand, "I'll help you through all of that Armin, I will be there to catch you whenever you feel like you're falling." The distance between us was getting smaller and smaller with each intake of breath. "Armin?" 

"Yes, Eren?" 

Eren paused for a few seconds, until he finally said, "Do you still want your first kiss to be with somebody like me?" My eyes grew wide, and I effectively grabbed him by his coat and whispered in his ear, "I wouldn't change it for the world."

You know in romance books, when they describe a first kiss as something like a spark or fireworks going off? Well that's total bullshit. It's nothing like a spark or a flame, at least for me, that is. I was pulled into his lips so suddenly, that I gasped at the contact. The kiss didn't feel like fire, instead, it felt like an ocean. I've never actually been to the ocean in my life, but in this moment, with Eren's lips on mine, I feel like I'm already there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Sorry that this chapter took so much longer to write, but I wanted to make it perfect for all of you guys. Also I know that its is a lot longer than normal chapter, but I've been planning this one since the beginning sooo....I hoped you enjoyed the first Eremin kiss. ;) Happy Reading!-Zenovia


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Wow, thank you all so much! I've almost got 450 hits on this and almost 40 kudos! I'm glad that all of you are enjoying the chapters, and your comments are so kind too. Thank you so much! And don't forget, if you want to message me, you can just go to my tumblr Zenovia99, or on my wattpad under the same username. Send in fanart, ask me questions, whatever you guys want to do, I'm always here to talk! But without further waiting, here's Chapter 15! Happy Reading!-Zenovia

Eren's POV

Chapter 14

I couldn't stop touching my lips during all of Christmas break. Every time I thought of the small blonde boy, I instantly brought my fingers up to my lips. This kiss that we shared together was; to put it into simpler words, passionate.

After Armin relaxed from having the initial impact of my lips on his, he seemed to take some control. I vaguely remember him trying to intertwine his tongue with mine, and he was sweetly moaning into the kiss. This was a much better kiss than the one I had in high school. It was sweet, and soft, and heated. It was nothing that I would have expected, which was a good thing. Whenever we would turn our heads to get a better taste for the other person's lips, a strange shiver would run all throughout my body. I still can't seem to wrap my head around why the little tingles of electricity coursed through my veins whenever Armin touched me. After we both detached from each other, we were panting from the lack of oxygen. He smiled at me a little, and then before I could say anything to him, he ran at me and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Um...t-thank you, for that, Eren." Armin whispered into my ear.

I looked into his sapphire eyes, "Y-yeah, no problem, Armin."

That was only five days ago. Although, it seemed like it just happened last night. I tried my hardest to concentrate on other things during my time at home, but that was always a problem since "home" was with my father. Mikasa and I had no choice but to go back to that asshole. We had no other family, and the campus really didn't want people staying on the grounds, unless we were taking extra courses; which we weren't.

"It will be alright Eren. Just try not to swing any punches at him, and we might not even have to talk to him while we stay there." Mikasa tried to assure me.

"No promises." I grumbled. Luckily for us, we only had to stay at my father's house until Tuesday night. Everybody in our squad had decided that we should all get back together for New Year's Eve, have a party and go out clubbing. By that time, the campus would allow some student's back in dorms, so Mikasa and I wouldn't have to come back to my excuse for a father's house. Just seven more days. Seven days of torture, that is.

While driving to my father's house, I didn't say much to the raven haired girl next to me. I looked out of the window and replayed everything that happened five days ago. I was trying to make sense of the tingling sensation that happened, but I was pulled out of my thoughts when Mikasa tried to say something to me.

"Sorry Mikasa, say that again." I looked over at her from the passenger seat.

She sighed in the driver's seat, and quickly glanced at me, "I was trying to ask you if you're okay? You seem kinda quiet, which is strange for you."

I looked into her grey eyes, "I-I'm not sure Mikasa. Listen, can we talk about this when we get to dad's? I really don't want to get into a car accident because I'm telling you about my little midlife crisis." Mikasa looked at me with her questioning stern eyes, then decided not to press the issue any further, and went back to focus on the road. I pulled out my green headphones, and just zoned out into my music. I scrolled down on my phone until I found an appropriate song to play. It was "Hallelujah" by Panic! At The Disco. Armin had convinced me to listen to some of their music, and before I knew it, I'd already downloaded three of their albums. I was slowly sucked into the lyrics and all of the instruments, but was disturbed when I felt a little ding come from my phone.

New Snapchat from AryanCoconut840: Back in New York! :)

I smiled at the little picture of Armin standing in the middle of Times Square. He was wearing the new sweatshirt that Marco got him with the crow on it, and he just looked happy. His blonde hair was whipping through the cold wind, but his smile still shone bright. I wish that I could've been there with him right now, instead of driving to see my horrible father. I sent back a picture of the scenery outside my window with the caption,

To AryanCoconut840: Looks like fun! Send me more ;)

It was only a few seconds after sending him the Snapchat, that I was getting bombarded by picture after goofy picture of Armin. I decided to start Snapchatting the blonde with random pictures of Mikasa driving, and me making silly faces. I started to giggle into the phone, then I decided to turn on the radio in the truck. I searched on each station, until I finally found the song "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. I took my phone and opened up the video setting on Snapchat.

"Hey, sing along to the song. I'm sending a video to Armin." I looked over at Mikasa. She jokingly rolled her eyes, but gave into my request. I turned up the volume on the radio, and then Mikasa and I started belting the lyrics into the phone. After we were done, I sent the video to the blonde, and not a minute later, he'd sent me a video with him continuing the song. I sent a picture of me smiling, and rolling my eyes at him and captioned it,

To AryanCoconut840: You dork ;) I already miss you...

From AryanCoconut840: Same here! 1 more week! :)

To AryanCoconut840: Skype tonight?!? ;)

From AryanCoconut840: Sounds like a date! ;)

I grinned at the thought of being able to see Armin tonight. I didn't think that it'd be this difficult not seeing my best friend for a week and a half, but it was proving to be pretty lonely without him by my side. Mikasa and I kept driving for about one more hour, until I felt the truck come to a complete stop. 

"We're here." Mikasa looked over at me. I took a deep breath in and tried to calm myself. We grabbed our luggage from the back, then started to walk inside the house. Just traveling those few steps to the door was agonizingly painful.

The stench of cigarettes filled my nostrils the second I stepped through the door. "Hello? We're home!" Mikasa's voice echoed throughout the small house. 

"Maybe he's not home?" I inquired. Mikasa shrugged her shoulders and entered the living room. 

"Well, lets go put our stuff in our rooms." Mikasa started walking towards her old room, and I took that as a signal to do the same. Everything was in the same place as I'd left it the last time I was here. The tan walls still had all of my Supernatural posters on them, and my old cracked mirror was still in the same position I had left it after one of my fights with my dad. I put all of my clothes in the abandoned shelves, and after I was done, I just flopped down on my old bed. I stared up at the ceiling for the longest time, until I heard my bedroom door creak open. 

Mikasa was standing there, with her hand on her hip, "Alright Eren, do you want to talk now?" She questioned me. I resided to look back up at the white paint on my ceiling, until I finally nodded my head at the raven haired girl.

I started to tell her about what happened five nights ago. How Armin let me steal his first kiss, and how the tingling sensation came about. I felt like we were in high school again, sitting on the floor and talking about our problems. We did this for many countless nights, especially after my mom died. She was one of the first people that I ever opened up to. All of the pressing thoughts in my head just seemed to come streaming out when I talked to Mikasa. She took everything that I said very seriously. She wouldn't joke about something that I was internally freaking out over. 

"It's just, I can't explain why I felt like that, or why I wanted to kiss him back. Am I going insane Mikasa?" I looked at the raven haired girl. She chuckled a little at me being melodramatic. "You're not going insane Eren. But I do have to ask you something." My heart started to beat a little faster at those words. It either meant something good or the total opposite. 

"Shoot." I said to Mikasa. She took a deep breath and tried to find her own words. 

"D-Do you think that you might have the slightest fascination with Armin?" I gave her a questioning glance. "What do you mean?" I asked her. Mikasa then rolled her eyes at me and said, "I swear, I love you Eren, but you need to start getting hints. What I'm trying to say, is do you think that you might have the smallest crush on Armin? It's okay if you do, but if you don't realize it for yourself sometime soon, then we're going to have a problem."

The little world inside my head was imploding in on itself. I stared absentmindedly around the room, looking for something to say. Mikasa had blown a fuse in my brain that I had no idea how to flip back on. I just stared at her with wide eyes, still trying to find my voice.

That's when the door slammed open, and I was met with an even bigger problem in front of me. A cigarette was hanging from his mouth, he reeked of alcohol, and he could only be described with one word. 

Dad. 

"Oh, it's only you guys." He said with the cigarette still bouncing up and down in his teeth. Mikasa quickly got to her feet, "Hi Grisha." She said quietly while looking at the floor. My father just grunted at her with a displeased look on his face. I nodded my head in my father's direction to show a little bit of "respect" towards him. Mikasa leaned down near my ear, and whispered, "We'll talk more about this later." Then she walked back into her room. My dad stared at me for a few more seconds before saying, "I'll be at the bar if you need me. I won't be back till late. Don't wreck my house." He walked out as quickly as he came in.

I went down and laid on my bed. "How can I be facing so many problems like this in only one day?" I thought. I tried to sleep to forget all of the pressing issues that I was facing for today, but no matter what I tried, I just couldn't get myself to delve into my subconscious. My legs found the edge of my bed, and before I knew it, I was in the refrigerator looking to indulge myself in something. I ended up picking up one of my dad's multiple beers. I only ever drank when I was here, and I only had one or two beers a week. I opened the bottle, then went back into my room to try and zone out the rest of the world. I sipped the liquid only a little bit at a time, hoping not to have the taste in my mouth for the rest of the day. After having a few sips, I tried to lay back on my bed, but was interrupted with my laptop ringing up a storm. I looked at the front screen, and realized that Armin was trying to Skype with me.

Excitement pulsed through my veins, and I accepted the call by clicking on the little green phone button. I was greeted with seeing Armin in his maroon beanie and a huge baggy sweatshirt that swallowed his whole body. His blue eyes met my emerald ones, and he showed me his shining smile. 

"Eren! It's so good to see you! How are you?" His voice a little distorted from the computer connection. 

"I'm fine. Just back at my dad's house, but I'm surviving. Anyways, how are you? I saw that you're back in New York. How's your grandfather?" I asked Armin. "I'm doing fine. New York is great as always, I'll have to bring you here sometime! And my grandfather is doing well. He was really happy to see me when I got off the plane. He even made me a huge dinner that I only ate a portion of. He always seems to pamper me whenever I come and visit him." Armin said.

We talked for many hours. Armin gave me a little video tour of his grandfather's house, and I let Mikasa talk to Armin for a little bit as well. I was truthfully just happy to be able to talk to Armin. Even though I couldn't touch him for feel his actual presence, this was all I could ask for. I was laying in my pajamas on my bed; still talking to Armin, when I finally checked the time on my phone. 

"Armin, it's three in the morning." I chuckled into the computer. Armin was laying on his arm and giggled when he checked the time on his phone. 

"It doesn't even seem like we've been talking for that long. I'm not even tired." Although, right after he said that, he took in a deep yawn. 

"Oh yeah, you totally look wide awake." I teased at the blonde. "Oh shut up Eren, you've been yawning just as much as me." Armin said jokingly. After a few minutes of silence Armin said, "We should really go to sleep." "Yeah." I replied. Although, neither of us ended the call. Instead, the both of us just stared at each other through the computer screen, as if one of us were going to pop out of the other end. I started to flashback to what happened a few days ago with Armin, and the conversation I had with Mikasa earlier in the day. I needed to see what Armin felt when we kissed. 

"Hey Armin, can I ask you something?" I questioned the blonde. Armin's ears perked up, and his attention was brought back to the computer screen. 

"Sure, what is it?" Armin said. 

"W-Well, I wanted to talk to you about what happened between us before break." I stuttered. Armin's eyes grew wide at the memory of what happened that night. He then bit his lip and was looking all around his room. I knew that he wanted to say something by these little movements. Armin then finally spoke up, "E-Eren, I think I have to tell you something." He said shyly. My heart pounded at that sentence. "Yeah, w-what is it?" Armin took a deep breath, but didn't get a chance to say what was on his mind.

My bedroom door slammed open so hard, that I was worried that there was a crack in the wall. My father swaggered on into my room in a drunken mess. I knew what was about to happen. My father took one look at the open beer on my nightstand, and I could see the rage in his eyes. I couldn't let Armin see what was about to happen. I took hold of the laptop and looked into the small camera and said urgently, "Armin, I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow." 

"Eren, what's wr-" Armin was cut off because my father had effectively kicked the laptop out of my grasp. I hoped that I'd clicked the 'End Call' button on the screen in time because I really didn't want Armin to have to see what was to come. 

"You son of a bitch. Thinking that you can just walk into my house, and steal my drinks! Who the hell do you think you are?" My father yelled at me in his drunken state. "Dad, please sto-" The stinging sensation on my cheek was a feeling I hate to remember. I had no control over the situation. I had to just take everything in, and let him feel as if he was superior to me. Every kick to the gut took my breath away. Every punch to the face was soon to leave a purple mark afterwards. I wanted to fight back, to be able to show him that I was stronger than he was, but I could hardly stand. Tears started to swell up in my already swollen eyes, and I cried out to my father to stop hurting me. To leave me alone to wither away for the night, but he kept beating away. All of this, over a lousy beer. 

Although, my father probably had other reasons for all of this pain tonight. But in reality, it was just because he was even more violent when he was seriously drunk. My blood was dripping all over the floor from the bloody nose that I had, and I could hardly move an inch. I just laid there, withering away into my pain and suffering. I heard my father mumble a few words of my disgusting sight, then he finally walked out of my room after what felt like hours. 

"E-Eren..." 

The voice sounded like it was far away. For a few seconds, I thought that my father had beat me until I was dead because the voice sounded so sweet and soothing. I slowly lifted up my head to see where the voice had come from. I noticed that my computer was on the ground a few feet away from me. I crawled over to it and picked it up, thinking that I'd be greeted with a blank screen, but instead, all I saw were huge sapphire eyes, staring right at me. 

My blood ran cold. Armin wasn't supposed to see any of what just happened to me. I lifted the laptop onto my knees and tried to find words to say to the blonde. 

"A-Armin, y-you weren't supposed to see any of that." I said. 

"Yeah, well, I did. E-Eren, what can I do to make you feel better? I know that I'm far away right now, but I just can't stand to see you look so broken. I want to help." Armin said quietly. Tears started to cascade down my cheeks. "Armin, you don't deserve a person like me." I sobbed. 

Armin looked shocked at the words I just said, "Don't you dare say that again. Why in the world would you think for a second, that I didn't deserve you? Eren, I will always be here with you. Through whatever plane of torture the both of us go through, we have to find each other in the end. I couldn't fathom what it would be like to be without you. You're my everything. You're my person, and don't you ever forget that! I don't care that you're broken because I'll put you back together. I'll find every way possible to try and heal your wounds. If I fall, you catch me. If you break, I'll heal you. Okay?"

I looked at the computer screen, and started to cry again. "Shh, I'm here." Armin whispered. He put his hand on the screen, as if trying to push through the hundreds of miles, just to get to me. I slowly raised my hand, and put it up against Armin's. 

"Can you stay awake until I fall asleep?" I asked through swollen eyes. 

"Anything for you." Armin said in reply. I painfully got onto my bed; with my laptop in hand, and crawled into the covers. I rested the laptop beside my pillow as if Armin were right there with me.

Armin picked up one of the numerous books he had on his bedside, and started to recite all of the words from the worn out pages. He spoke of amazing places like the Nile River and the Polar Ice Caps. His voice filled with even more excitement when he spoke of the thrilling oceans that surrounded the world. 

"Armin, one day, I'll take you to see the ocean." I said sleepily. 

"I would be very thankful for that, Eren." Armin chuckled. 

"I promise you, I will." I said. Armin just chuckled and kept on reading. He had an amazing voice. It was sweet like honey, but yet still strong to capture somebody's attention. I was starting to drift off into his voice, but before I did, I mumbled out "I love you, Armin." Although, the blonde didn't seem to hear me, and he just kept on reading with excitement in his voice. I slowly slipped away from the blonde, and was pulled into a dreamland that consisted of oceans, Armin, and a place of peace.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Wow! I'm so shocked that I am getting so many new readers every day! I hope that you all enjoyed the last chapter because this one is going to be cuteness overload! I have had this chapter planned from the very beginning, so I'm sorry if it gets kinda long ;) so without further waiting, here's Chapter 15! Happy Reading!-Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 15

As the rest of the week passed by, all I could worry about was Eren and Mikasa. I couldn't stand knowing that they were in house of abuse and I couldn't do anything to protect them. Mikasa had texted me the day after Eren and I Skyped, and she tried to assure me that they would be fine, that the both of them had dealt with this kind of torture for as long as they could remember. As much as I wanted to believe her, my stomach still churned unhappily whenever I thought about what was actually going on in that forsaken house. I paced up and down the hallways of my grandpa's little house, thinking about how I could try and help the duo, but my mind always came to a blank screen. I groaned in frustration, which earned a strange glance from my grandfather. 

"Sorry." I gave him a little smirk to try and reassure him that I was okay. 

I still hadn't told my grandfather about my feelings for Eren, or the nightmares I've been having almost every month. I didn't want to inconvenience him with all of my problems, when he had his own to deal with. My grandfather owned a library downtown, and recently many shops down in that area have been getting robbed, so my grandfather's stress levels have been higher than usual. Although, my grandfather is a persistent man, so even though I told him that I was okay multiple times during the week, he still asked me how I was doing every day, as if he was expecting a different answer. 

After a few more minutes of pacing up and down the narrow hallway, I heard my grandfather call out for me. 

"Armin, can you come over here please?" I sighed in knowing what was about to happen. I walked over to the older man, and sat on the couch next to him. He turned his fragile body towards mine. 

"Armin, I know that I've been asking you this question every day since you arrived here, but I'm still going to ask you again. I care about you too much for you to wallow away in this depressed state. Are you okay?" My grandfather said. I looked into his hazel grey eyes, and knew that I probably should just tell him everything, especially since I was leaving tomorrow afternoon to go back to the campus for New Years Eve. 

I explained everything that was going on in Mikasa and Eren's home. How I was constantly worried for them during break. I told him about my terrorizing nightmares that haunted me as I slept. But when I got to the topic of Eren, I suddenly couldn't find my words. My grandfather looked at me with a questioning glance, "Is that everything Armin?" I shook my head. 

"No, there's one more thing. I-I just can't seem to explain it." I closed my eyes and tried to think of why I fell in love with the brunette in the first place. He was my everything. I looked up at my grandfather, and told him the story of how Eren and I first met. I told him of all of our little adventures together. I explained to him about the weird sensations that pulsed in my heart whenever Eren looked at me. I even told my grandfather of our secret kiss we shared together, although it probably didn't mean anything since he was just giving me a chance to have a first kiss. Nothing more and nothing less. At the end of the rant about Eren, my grandfather looked up at me with his kind eyes, and only said the few words that I needed him to say. 

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Tears started to swell into my eyes as I nodded my head. Before I could utter another word, my grandfather pulled my into his arms, and held me there for a very long time. I could hear his ragged heartbeat, and I felt a little safer. 

"Your parents would be so proud of you, Armin." My grandfather whispered. 

I stared back at the old man, "Why do you say that?" I questioned him. 

My grandfather smiled at me and replied, "Because you've become so much stronger these past years, Armin. You've faced so many hardships in your life, and now you're finally able to be you. You've found somebody who makes you happy just by their smile. All your parent's ever wanted was for you to be happy, and now that you are, it probably makes them very proud for them to be able to call you their son. They loved you so much, Armin. I know they're proud of you." 

I started sobbing into my grandfather's arms. "I-I miss them so much." I said shakily. My grandfather started to rub my back to calm me down, "I know Armin, I miss them too. But they wouldn't want you to cry over them right now. You have so much life left to live, and they wouldn't want you to waste that. They would want you to smile and laugh. They would want you to fall deeper in love with Eren, and tell him how you feel. They would just want you to be happy." 

"I know," I said into his shoulder. I lifted myself off of him, and nodded my head. I laughed a little bit and my grandfather was laughing right with me. He hugged me once more, until we finally stood up from the couch. "You should go to sleep, Armin. You have a big day tomorrow." My grandfather winked at me. 

"Yeah, I will. Thank you, for everything grandpa." He looked at me with his kind eyes, and nodded. 

Trying to fall asleep that night proved to be harder than usual. I was filled with anxiousness by getting able to see all of my friends again tomorrow. Although, the second that I did fall asleep, I wish I could've woken up. In my nightmare, I was running. I was running towards nowhere. It looked like I was back on the campus grounds, but everything was foggy. I couldn't stop running, no matter how much I willed my legs to stop moving. I realized that tears were streaming down my pale cheeks. I had no idea why I was crying, but I couldn't stop that either. It was like I wasn't in control of any part of my body, like I was acting as a puppet as somebody's plaything. I looked up around me and saw that what I thought was fog, was actually clouded images. I couldn't tell what the images were actually displaying, but I knew that I saw Eren, me, and a strange black figure. There was fire in some of these pictures, but I just kept running past all of them. 

Then the voice pulsated throughout my mind. "Everything is going to change." For the first time in my dream, I finally stopped running. Goosebumps were decorating my arms and legs. The voice made me want to throw up whenever it spoke, especially weird phrases like these. I started to scream at the voice, telling it to stop saying those words, but the louder I screamed, the louder it would talk back. I fell to the ground and started to whimper out in fear. How many more dreams could I have like this before I lost my sanity. 

My phone woke me up from my nightmarish world. I groggily picked up the lit up phone, and pressed the little green button that showed me I had an incoming call. "Hello?" I said huskily. 

"Armin? Is that you?" It was Eren's voice on the other end. 

"Who else would it be?" I said jokingly. 

"Yeah, I guess. Hey listen, I'm sorry that I'm calling you so late, but I couldn't sleep. I haven't really been able to sleep since the night we Skyped. I guess I'm just worried about sleeping with my dad in the house. I know it sounds stupid, but I just needed to hear your voice." My stomach filled with sadness at his statement. 

"That's okay Eren. I wasn't really having the best sleep too." "Nightmare?" Eren questioned me. I nodded my head, but realized that Eren couldn't see me so I said, "Yeah, nightmare." The phone filled with some static for a few seconds, until Eren said, "I could try and sing to you to make you fall asleep." 

"Eren, you don't have to do that. I don't want to keep you up any further." I said to the emerald eyed boy. "No it's okay. It might actually do me some good. I might be able to fall asleep after singing a little bit." I agreed to his proposition. He started to hum to a song that I wasn't familiar with. "What song are you going to sing?" I asked the brunette. "It's called Lost Boy by Ruth B. You'll like it, trust me." I set my phone on speaker, so I could lay down and just enjoy Eren singing to me.

"There was a time when I was alone  
Nowhere to go and no place to call home.  
My only friend was the man in the moon  
And even sometimes he would go away, too."

Eren's voice was sweet and strong. With each new verse, he would grow even more confident. I could already feel my eyelids start to droop. 

"I am a lost boy from Neverland usually hanging out with Peter Pan  
And when we're bored we play in the woods  
Always on the run from Captain Hook  
"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me.  
Away from all of reality."

 

I started to float in between my conscious and subconscious. His voice was putting me under a spell. Once he was done singing, there was a little bit of static, until I heard him say, "Goodnight Armin. I'll see you tomorrow." Then the line went dead, and I was finally able to fall asleep without any nightmares. 

The next day was bittersweet. I didn't want to leave my grandfather, but at the same time, I was so excited to finally see all of my friends. "Have a fun time Armin. I'll miss you." My grandfather hugged me tight, then finally went on his way. The train ride back to the campus took about two hours, so I occupied myself by just listening to my music and looking out the train window. I was convinced that I was going to see Eren on the other side of the train, just like the night that we met. I decided to text the brunette, and tell him that I was on the way back to campus.

To Eren: Hey just got on the train! See you in about two hours :)

From Eren: I'll meet you at the station. I've missed you so much! See you soon ;)

I turned off my phone and closed my eyes, hoping that if I fell asleep for the train ride, I would get to see Eren sooner. In reality, I just rested my head on the stiff cushioned seat, rather than falling into my subconscious. I tried to think about if I really wanted to tell Eren how I felt about him. It would be taking a huge risk, but I was going to have to do it at some point. At this point, I was unknowingly procrastinating. I had so many moments to tell Eren how I actually felt, but I hid my feelings down into my mind. At some point, all of the thoughts in my head were just going to explode in a waterfall of emotions. 

Two hours on the train passed unexpectedly fast. I heard the conductor of the train call out for my stop, so I went to gather my luggage. I walked down the small flight of stairs to get to the main doors. When I finally got off of the platform, I looked around to see if any of my friends were here to meet me. 

My thoughts were shortly answered when I heard somebody yelling my name, and then brutally tackling me to the ground. I felt the soft snow underneath my flimsy body. I looked up to meet gorgeous emerald eyes. I smiled at the brunette. Eren was grinning from ear to ear. He put his head in the dip of my shoulder and stayed like that for a long time. I could feel his cold breath on my neck, and it made me squirm a little at the small ticklish sensation. He finally lifted his head from the crook of my shoulder and looked at me with his piercing green eyes. His cheeks were a strong pink color from the winter air, but he was still laying in the snow with me. 

"Hi." I finally said to him. "Hey, I've missed you." Eren whispered. I laughed a little before saying, "Yeah, I can see that." 

We stayed in this position for a few more seconds, until I heard a small cough come from behind Eren. I tilted my head to see Mikasa, standing with all of our luggage. "Oh! Hi Mikasa." I exclaimed to the raven haired girl. "Hi Armin. It's nice to see you again." She chuckled. Eren finally removed himself from me, and I felt air creep back into my lungs. Mikasa and I hugged, then all three of us went to get into Eren's truck for the New Year's Eve party at Jean and Marco's.

During the ride there, we all told little stories of how our vacations went. Luckily, Eren and Mikasa tried to leave out their dad for the most part. I told them all about New York, and said to the duo that the three of us would have to go visit sometime soon. Before we knew it, we were pulling into the small driveway of the little apartment complex that Jean and Marco lived in. We walked up the numerous amount of stairs, and walked into the already crowded room. Chears and conversations filled up the small apartment. I hugged and conversed with everybody in the room. 

The whole squad seemed to already be there. "Well now that everybody's here, let's head out!" Connie announced to the room. I stood in the middle of everybody zooming past me. A confused look was splayed all over my face. 

Eren nudged my shoulder and said, "Hey what's wrong?" 

"Where are we going? I thought that all of us were just going to hang out here." I motioned to the small apartment. 

Eren gave me a small smirk, "Oh, I must've not told you, we're all going clubbing before the ball drops tonight. It'll be fun." Eren assured me. I tried to picture myself in a small corner looking at all the drunk people around me. Parties had never really been my thing in the first place, but add alcohol and people dancing everywhere, I was bound to be writhing in awkwardness. 

Eren seemed to sense my doubtfulness about all of this, "Hey, it's okay. I'll stay with you, if you feel uncomfortable." 

"You really don't have to do that Eren." I told the brunette, but he seemed to shrug off my pleading with him, and wouldn't take no for an answer. 

The second that we stepped into the door, I knew that I should've just stayed at the apartment. There were already many partygoers for the holiday, so the room was already insanely crowded. All of my friends went and started to dance on the lit up floor with the other dancers. This was the club that all of the underclassmen knew about because they were lenient about underage drinking, so it was all the rage. I didn't understand how the police didn't know about this place, but all of my classmates didn't seem to care. 

I went to sit on the small bar stool and just observe everybody around me. Eren took a seat next to me, and laughed at all of our friends on the dancefloor. It was a pretty spectacular sight. Jean and Marco were already making out in a secluded corner, Sasha and Connie were disturbing the peace by bumping into everybody they saw, and Mikasa and Annie were awkwardly trying to dance with each other. The rest of the group was trying to be subtle about their movements, to not draw attention to themselves. 

Eren stood up from the bar stool and muttered out the words, "Bathroom." I sighed in knowing how long it would take Eren to even reach the bathroom in a crowd like this, so I turned towards the menu behind me, and looked under the list of tea's that the club had. Tea calmed my nerves most of the time, so I went for the tea that looked the most promising. 

"Um, hi. I would like to get one Long Island Iced Tea please." I said to the bartender standing in front of me. Her eyes seemed to linger on mine for a little longer than I would care to admit. She then shrugged her shoulders and started to make my iced tea. After she finished, I gave her the right amount of cash, then indulged in my drink. It had a very strong kick to it. It tasted like every other iced tea that I have had, but something seemed to be different about this certain drink. 

Then a impetuous sensation came over me. My heartbeat seemed to quicken its pace, and it was as if my mind was buzzing, but in all of this, I felt contentment stream through my veins. I wanted to savor every moment that was happening. I looked back at all of my friends, and they were almost moving in slow motion. I started to laugh, then I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. 

"Hey Blondie, what's so funny?" Eren asked. I pointed over to everybody and said, "They're moving so sl-hic-ow." I said while hiccuping. I took another sip off of my drink, and I relished in the sudden bliss I was feeling. 

I saw Eren look over to the bartender, and heard him say, "What did he order?" The girl told him what I was drinking, and Eren had a look of impending doom written all over his face. "Goddamit Armin, you're a lightweight, aren't you?" 

"What, hic, does that mean?" I asked through slurred words. Eren just shook his head and ordered a coffee. He took my tea out of my hands, and replaced it with the hot coffee. 

"Here, drink this. Hopefully it'll help with everything you're going to feel in the next few hours, and maybe it'll bring you to your senses." I begrudgingly drank the new drink, but it didn't last long when I heard a certain song start to play over the numerous speakers in the vicinity. 

I immediately stood up from my seat, and started to pull Eren onto the dancefloor. "Come on Eren! Pl-hic-ease dance with me?" I yanked him even further off of his chair, until he had to stand unless he wanted to fall. "Armin, I don't really dance." He said seriously. Although, I didn't let him decide because I pulled him as hard as I could onto the dancefloor. "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk The Moon, was pounding so loud, that I could feel the vibrations in my toes. I moved to the beat and did the same actions that the lyrics were saying. 

"She took my arm, I don't know how it happened.  
We took the floor and she said,   
Oh, don't you dare look back.  
Just keep your eyes on me.  
I said, You're holding back,  
She said, Shut up and dance with me!"

I grabbed at Eren's arm whenever the certain lyric said to do so. I was laughing my head off, oblivious to how stupid I probably looked. Eren started off by standing completely still. You probably could've mistaken him for a statue if I hadn't been constantly grabbing at him. "Come on Eren! Dance with me!" I pleaded with the brunette. After a few seconds of trying to convince him to move his feet, his knees were finally bouncing to the beat of the song. 

"Deep in her eyes,  
I think I see the future.  
I realize this is my last chance."

 

I was belting out all of lyrics as if I was screaming to the entire world. I took Eren's hand nearing the end of the song, and just started spinning. It was euphoric. Eren finally started to laugh along with me in the moment of this dizzying dance. The second that the song ended, my chest collided with Eren's. My breath was ragged and shaky from all of the exertion. The world was spinning too fast for me to comprehend what was going on around me. So I just tucked my head further into Eren. The song variety seemed to change suddenly when I did this. It went from a fast upbeat song, to a slower, more calmer tone. 

A cover of the song "Sweater Weather" featuring Alyson Stoner and Max Schneider was now slowly humming throughout the building. I could hear Eren's heartbeat pounding and I could feel his steady breathing. 

I looked up into his shimmering emerald eyes, and said, "I'm sorry for drinking that tea." 

Eren chuckled at my statement and replied with, "It's okay Armin, you didn't know that a Long Island Ice Tea had a lot of alcohol in it." 

"Yeah, I probably should've checked that." I said guiltily. Eren just shook his head. "It's alright. You can stay in my dorm tonight, cause you'll probably have a little bit of a hangover tomorrow morning." 

"I think I'm already feeling it now." I said. I could already feel a small pounding in my head, and I felt off balance. "It's alright, once we get back to Jean and Marco's I'll get you something for that." He said into my ear. But until that happened, the both of us were just holding onto each other, swaying in a little circle, like we were slow dancing at high school prom. 

After all of us decided that it was time to leave to watch the ball drop, Eren was getting me some ice water and ibuprofen for the headache. I was retelling my story to everybody around the room, and they all said that it was a right of passage to get a little drunk in college, but to be honest, I don't think that I will be getting drunk any time soon again. I drank the water that Eren handed me, and downed the pills of ibuprofen. All of us were sitting on the floor and couches that decorated the small living room. It was only about five more minutes until the ball dropped, announcing the start of a new year. 

Eren looked over at me and said, "So Blondie, any New Year's Resolutions for you?" I shook my head. "I don't really think that they work for me. If something happens during the upcoming year, then it will happen. I don't want to try and constrict what I am, and what I'm not going to do in the next year. I'll deal with whatever's thrown at me. But what about you? Do you have any resolutions?" I asked Eren. He shrugged his shoulders, "Just little things like be more happy, don't judge as much, get smarter, maybe fall in love. Little things like that."

The last part of what Eren said stuck with me. He wanted to fall in love, which reminded me of what I needed to say to him. The thing is, I don't think that I'm ready to tell him yet, but I still want to show him that I love him. I'm just worried that I've fallen to fast in love with Eren, and that I'm just getting my hopes up. I've only known him for a solid six months, and of course I'm worried I'm falling down in the rabbit hole that always lures me with the thoughts of Eren. 

I'm scared that everything I hope and dream for, will crumble like dust in the palm of my hand. I'm worried that I'm just yearning for affection that in reality, just isn't there. But there is no denying that I am in love with him, I can't just simply turn my back away from all of these pressing emotions. I have fallen down the rabbit hole that beats with my heart's desire, and there's no stopping what's to come. I just wish that I could show him, without speaking my thoughts. The seconds are slowly counting down from 10 to 9 and so on. I'm still stuck in all of my thoughts by the time everybody is yelling the number five.

Then, out of the blue, an idea hits me. Four more seconds pass by, and everybody is screaming "ONE...ZERO! Happy New Year!" Streamers and confetti decorate the scenery around me. I can't stop my body from what I'm about to do. I walk through all of the flying colored paper, and step right next to Eren, and gently put my lips against his warm cheek. I can feel the rest of his body tense up at my sudden outburst of affection, but I really don't care. 

I hear a few people snicker, and I'm pretty sure I heard a camera flash snap a quick picture from somewhere in the room. After I take my lips off of his cheek, I dare to look at his wide eyes. He is blushing profusely, and he is still standing still. I think for a second that I have broken him, but luckily I see him crack a small smile, then he plants a kiss on the top of my forehead, in front of everybody watching. 

"Happy New Year, Armin." He playfully winks at me. I chuckle and reply "Happy New Year, Eren." We are locked into each others gaze, and for a second, I thought that we might actually kiss, but we get interrupted by Jean yelling "Get a room already!" I can see through the corner of my eye that Marco nudges him with his elbow, and Jean gives him a 'What did I do?' kind of look.

After the party is over, Eren and I are walking back to his dorm, so that we can watch some movies and just talk with each other. It slowly starts to snow little snowflakes. They start to decorate Eren's hair and eyelashes. 

He starts to run towards his dorm, and I can hear him yell, "First one there gets to pick the movie!" 

"Oh you are so on!" I yell back. I can already tell that Eren is going to win the little race that we're having, but he still looks behind to see where I am, and everytime he does this, I can feel my heartbeat flutter, and my breath quickens, and the ocean waves in my stomach are on the verge of starting a storm. His emerald eyes shimmer in the lamp light that lights the way to his dorm. He looks like a character from a movie, he is absolutely stunning. And I know that in this very moment, and from here on out, everything is going to change.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know that this story took a bit of a hiatus, but if you'd like to go onto my Wattpad account, you can now ready the FINISHED version there :) I'm so happy that I finally finished this story and I will be continuing to revise and edit the chapters on AO3. Enjoy :)

Armin's POV

Chapter 16

The starting of classes came out of the blue, and none of us were prepared once so ever. I knew that the second semester of college was always harder than the first, but this semester seemed unbearable. I was already wanting to go back to New York after the first month of being back at school passed by. My schedule consisted of going to class, studying, sleeping, and then going back to class. All of my friends were feeling the hardships of their classes as well. Everyone, besides Eren. He said that he always worked his best when he was under a lot of pressure from all sorts of things. It was when he had too much free time that he started to slack off on his work. Our roles kind of changed when we would study in the library at night. He would help me with all of the overwhelming amounts of homework that I had, and I would try and keep up with him. 

Although, all of the work that Eren was getting, didn't help his irritability. He started to argue with Jean more and anybody who tried to get into a conflict with him. I tried to ask him if he was doing alright.

"I'm fine Armin, I think I just need something to take my anger out on, and sometimes, that just happens to be Jean." He smirked at me.

I playfully rolled my eyes and tried to think of other ways for Eren to take his anger out on, rather than our horse faced friend, as Eren likes to call him. "Well, I have nothing. Listen, why don't we go get some ice cream or something? Take our minds off of things for a little bit." 

I gave Eren a hopeful look. He looked back at me with his shimmering eyes, and his face lightened up a little bit. "That sounds like a great idea! Why do you always come up with amazing ideas?" He questioned me. 

I smirked at him, and replied with "I just have a gift I guess." I nudged his shoulder teasingly, and the both of us walked out of my dorm, and out to go relive some stress.

While sitting in the little ice cream shop, my eyes were glancing at all of the little flyers hanging off of the bulletin board. My eyes searching through all of the bright colors looking for help wanted and babysitters. I shook my head and focused my attention on Eren who was in front of me. He was concentrating on the little sprinkles that decorated his chocolate Sunday. 

"Eren, are you okay?" I asked. He looked up at me, and momentarily was pulled out of his daze. 

"Oh, sorry Armin, I was just thinking." He said. 

"Thinking about what?" I questioned him further. 

He shrugged his shoulders and simply replied with, "Just random stuff." I nodded my head, knowing that I shouldn't press him further. I went back to eating my ice cream cone, and staring at the bulletin board across from me. "But, I do have to ask you something." Eren said to me. I propped my head up and looked into his green eyes, a look of confusion passing through my face, wondering what he could want to ask. 

"What is it?" 

Eren took a deep breath before saying, "Alright, so when we were Skyping with each other over break, I asked you about the kiss that we shared, and you said that you had something to tell me. Can you tell me know, cause it's been a month and a half since we kissed, and I wanted to give you time to see if you would just say something to me about it first." He said seriously. 

My eyes widened a little bit at his spontaneous question. "Should I tell him? Do I want to risk everything?" I thought in my mind.

"Um, I was just going to ask if it was an okay kiss." I lied while putting on a fake smile. 

Eren chuckled a little, "Yes Armin, it was a very nice kiss, you're going to make somebody very happy someday." He winked at me. I blushed a little before looking away.

After we both finished our ice cream we were leaving through the doors, when a certain flyer on the bulletin board caught my attention. "Hey, Eren wait!" I grabbed the hood of his jacket to stop him from walking any further. 

"What's wrong?" Eren questioned me. I stared at the flyer a little longer before looking up at the brunette and smiling, "You like basketball, right?"

A week after we saw the flyer at the ice cream shop, we were heading into the college's main gym to have Eren try out for the college basketball team. "But why did it have to be basketball, Armin? Why couldn't it have been hockey or anything else?" Eren said. I chuckled a little and replied, "Because the last time you tried to step on an ice rink, you nearly killed the both of us, and it was the only sport I could think of for you to take out some of your pent up aggression. Plus you said that you played on your high school team, and you liked that!"

Eren sighed a little and shrugged his shoulders, "Fine, whatever, but what if this doesn't work out? What if I suck?" He questioned me. "Then we will find something else, but we have to do something Eren, otherwise you and Jean are going to be in a hospital any day now." He sighed once again and looked at the doors of the gym, "Well, there's no turning back now." And he grudgingly opened the doors to the gym. 

The gym; to put it simply, was ginormous. My voice seemed to echo throughout the whole vicinity. On the far side of the gymnasium, we could see a group of people dashing throughout the court, hoping to have the small basketball within their grasp. I could see Eren eyeing at them, his ears turning a light shade of pink, only meaning that he was getting nervous. I gently nudged him with my own shoulder, "Hey, it's gonna be alright, I know you'll do great!" I gave him a genuine smile, and we started the long walk towards the coach of the basketball team. 

He was an older man; named Pixis. He was very kind to the two of us, but I could also tell by his stature that he was very serious about the sport, and he played to win. He told Eren to put on his shoes and get suited up. 

I went to sit down on the stands and watch the rest of the team play. It looked as if there were many good players, and some, not so much. However, there was one player that really stood out from all of the others. He was on the short side; which was strange for a basketball player, but he was weaving in and out of all of the other players blocks, and when he finally got close enough to the basketball net to jump and do a layup, I was pretty sure he was going to totally biff it, but my mouth fell to the floor as he jumped a good three feet off of the ground to sink the ball in the hoop. Some of the teammates patted him on the back, but he just shrugged his shoulders and went on playing.

He was phenomenal. I knew just after watching him for a good five minutes, that he must have been playing basketball his whole life, and he was a shoo-in to make the team. However, as I sat on the stands watching the boy make basket after basket, I got a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not like the kind that I get with Eren, but the kind that almost makes me sick to my stomach. The longer I stared at him,  I was sure that I knew him. He looked so familiar to me, but yet, I knew for a fact that I have never met the basketball player before.  
   
After a little bit more waiting, Eren finally emerged from the locker room, all dressed up in his basketball clothes. Pixis started seeing how well he matched up to all of the other players. I smiled like a proud mom as Eren made basket after basket, swerving away from everybody, and avoiding from being boxed in. I could tell that Eren was getting pretty worn out after a good thirty minutes of the tryouts, and when I thought that it was all over, it only got harder from there on out. Eren was finally paired up with the mysterious basketball player. 

I could tell that Eren looked a little intimidated by him, but he wasn't going to let that get to his head. The two were jogging down the court, Eren with the ball in his hand, and the other boy trying to steal it from him. I was sitting on the edge of my seat to see what was about to happen, and when it did, my heart jumped out of my chest. Eren was behind the three point line and the shorter boy was jumping up to block him, but Eren somehow maneuvered around him and made a perfect shot. After his feet touched the ground, Eren put his hands on his knees and tried to even out his breathing. Everyone in the room went silent for a solid minute, all of them were trying to process what just happened I guess. The raven haired boy then went up to Eren, shook his hand, and said, "Welcome to the team." 

Once it was time for a break, I raced out to hug Eren the second I saw him. "Eren that was amazing! Why didn't you tell me you could play like that?" 

Eren was sweating profusely and stuttered out, "I-I didn't know that I could play that well until I played with that guy over there." He gestured towards the shorter boy at the water fountain. "Something just kicked me into high gear, and I felt like if I didn't try my hardest with that guy, it was all over." Eren shook his head in amazement.

After tryouts were over, Coach Pixis came over to Eren and me while he was getting his gear packed up. "Alright kid, I know that I don't normally do this, but I'm just gonna say that you're already on the team. I couldn't pass up that much talent when I saw you play today. Practice starts next week. Be here by four in the afternoon. Nice job today." He patted Eren on the shoulder. 

Eren looked at me for a quick second, right before he pulled my whole body in for a tight embrace. "Oh my gosh, Armin! This is insane. Thank you so much for making me tryout. You're the best friend anyone could ask for." I blushed a little while he was hugging me. 

"Oh come on Eren, all I did was make you sign up, you did the actual playing." I looked up at him, and bit my lip and smiled. However, before Eren could say anything else, we were both engulfed by the group of basketball players. I somehow got pushed out of the group and tried to look for Eren in the mess of six feet tall boys. I could hear a lot of "Congrats man!" and "Welcome to the team!" from all of them. 

Soon after all of the havoc ended, one of the guys asked Eren if he wanted to come with them to go get a bite to eat and hang out. Eren looked at me, and gave me a sympathetic look, but I just waved him off and mouthed the word "Go!" He gave me a bright smile and winked at me. As I was leaving to walk out the doors of the gym, I turned my back and saw the raven haired boy in the corner of my eye. My skin instantly decorated itself in goosebumps and a shiver went down my spine. I walked out the doors, pulling my winter jacket just the slightest bit tighter around me. 

I walked all the way back to my dorm, and the second I got into the small room, I collapsed on my bed. Once I put my head on my pillow, I could already feel sleep trying to pull me under. I complied with my bodies wishes, and finally found myself falling into my dream world. Although, because the universe hates me, instead of having a peaceful nap, I was given a terrifying nightmare. 

I was running again. It was on the same path, and everything around me was familiar. My blood was pumping as if somebody were chasing after me. As I was running, I tried to look for a way out, to try and wake myself up from this terrorizing vision. Then, in the middle of the sidewalk, there stood a red door. It's aura was somehow demanding me to turn the doorknob, and walk through its menacing atmosphere. And with me having no control over my body or anything, I didn't really have a choice to turn around. I struggled to turn the knob, my hands shaking in fright. When finally, I opened the door to an unnerving darkness. I stuck my head through the door, and then my whole body went into the desolate room. The door behind me violently shut closed. 

My heart was trying to jump out of my chest at this point as I observed my surroundings. It wasn't until then that I noticed pages of ripped up paper, trailing the ground, leading to nowhere. I took a step towards the papers, and soon realized that they were ripped up pages from my notebook that Eren got me. The only difference was, they were covered in splattered blood. I already knew that if I looked down at my damned wrist, I would see the three tender cuts, so I decided to ignore them this time around. 

I continued to walk down the treacherous path. Following all of the bloody pieces of paper lining the ground. I advanced through all of the clouded darkness, until I was greeted by the same bathroom that I once stood in long before. The mirror wasn't fogged up this time, and instead it was sparkling clean. I looked deep in my reflection, just waiting for something to pop out and awake me. Although, something disturbing did happen while looking in the mirror. My reflection didn't seem to be copying my movements anymore. Instead, it was slowly crying. Soft tears streaming down it's face. I was entranced by what was happening, that when it suddenly started screaming, I jumped back so forcefully, that I landed on the ground. It's voice was my voice. It was as if it was speaking to somebody else, but another figure wasn't seen anywhere. It was screaming the same thing over and over, as if there was a scratch in CD, making it run over the line multiple times. 

"Why can't you see that!?" Is what it was yelling. I looked back up at the image, all of my color in my face, now slowly draining at the horrifying scene. But it only got worse. The image started to flicker like an old TV screen. It was quick at first, but once I realized what it was showing, my blood ran cold. It was the shadowed man. The one who has haunted almost every single one of my dreams, one way or another. I stepped away from the mirror, trying to distant myself from the figure, but when I took a step back, I was free falling, all while hearing the ravenous voices speaking the same sentence. 

I woke up hyperventilating.

I walked out into the hallway for a good fifteen minutes, trying to catch my breath, and my sanity. None of my dreams were adding up. The only similarity that they all shared, was that tormenting figure. I unlocked my phone, and saw that I had a new message from Eren.

From Eren: Hey, I just got done hanging out with the guys, you wanna hang out?  
I typed back a quick reply, hoping he would answer soon because I didn't know if I could stand being alone after having a dream like that.   
To Eren: That would be great actually! Come as quickly as possible...  
From Eren: Yeah, are you okay Blondie?  
I chuckled a little at him calling me by my nickname, now feeling my heartbeat come back down to a steady pace in my chest.  
To Eren: Really bad nightmare...probably one of the worst...  
From Eren: I'm on my way right now...and I'm bringing snacks!

I locked my phone and waited for Eren to meet me outside my dorm room, not really wanting to go in there alone right now. Once he got there, he pulled me into a tight hug. I quickly closed my eyes, trying to stop whatever tears I could feel squirming to get out. I took a deep shaky breath in, and I felt Eren start to gently rub my back to comfort me. "Shh, it's alright. It was just a dream. I'm right here." He pulled me out of his arms, and then put a gentle kiss on the top of my temple. "Feel a little better?" His green eyes shimmering in concern. I nodded my head, and then we both walked into my small room. 

Eren started talking all about all of the guys on the basketball team the second he settled down. He got along with almost all of his teammates, especially a guy named Farlan Church. The only person that he didn't like was a guy named Nile, who tried to control the teammates when they were having fun. "That sounds amazing Eren! I'm so happy you're enjoying basketball!" I said after all of my bearings were in order. 

"Yeah, but I still felt guilty about leaving you today." He said with a somber expression across his face. 

"Hey, you can hang out with other people besides me! It's not like I'm going to get jealous or something. I'm just happy that you are socializing! I can already tell that you're less paranoid." I told him. He simply just smiled at me and shared the small blanket with me.  
   
I then flashbacked to the strange black haired boy that Eren went up against at tryouts today. "Hey, did you ever find out the person's name that you went up against today?" I asked Eren. 

Eren furrowed his brows, trying to think who the person was. "Oh yeah! He's actually pretty cool, intimidating as hell, but pretty cool. The whole team calls him the 'Clean Freak' because apparently if the basketball team ever throws a party or something, he will always be the one to start randomly cleaning in the middle of the party, and after. He's very stoic too, and he doesn't talk all that much, but we don't really care. He's good at basketball so we all respect him. Once the season actually starts, most of the team is certain that he'll be named captain this year. Which could be interesting, but most of the team is looking forward to it." Eren finished.

"Well, did you at least get his name?" I asked him. 

Eren chuckled a little, "Well, that's a good question. All of us are pretty sure that he came from France at one point in his life, and so he told everybody to call him Rivaille, but since none of us could pronounce that, he decided to just go with the English version, which is Levi." Eren explained.

I gave him a confused look, "So he doesn't like have a last name on his basketball jersey? It just says 'Levi'?" 

Eren chuckled a little, "Yeah, just Levi."


	18. Chapter 18

Armin's POV

Chapter 17

My notebook has been my main focus for the past three weeks. My schoolwork has drastically lightened over time, so I've had a lot of free time to just curl up in my dorm and write my feelings out on the lined paper in front of me. Eren's been at basketball practice for the majority of his free time, so I've barely seen him in these weeks. I'm not mad that I haven't seen him or anything, it's just I've been a little lonely. I love being able to be by myself for a little while, but when it starts to elongate it's time, that's when I start to feel depressed again. 

The walls around me seem to cave in, and I feel small and trapped. In Eren's absence, I've started to take my antidepressants again; just in case. For some reason however, they don't work as well as they did before. Eren was always my source of happiness in this darkened world, so I stopped taking some of my meds after I met him. Eren doesn't even know that I take the addictive drugs. He's my own form of serotonin. So every time I take my daily dose of Zoloft, I feel a little incomplete. 

Although, I know for certain I will see Eren on Friday night. He has his first basketball game, and all of the squad is coming to see him play. In the times that I do get to see Eren, basketball is all he can talk about. He's been getting extremely better at making layups and blocking. 

"It's amazing Armin! The other guys on the team have really been helping me out. Especially Levi. I'm pretty sure he can make it to the NBA's with his skill and technique." 

I smile when he rants about the sport, but for some odd reason, I feel a twinge of jealousy rush through my body whenever Eren talks about Levi. Ever since the first day I met him, I still get the feeling that I know him somehow. A shiver runs down my spine whenever I think about his cold grey eyes, looking back at my ocean blue ones. But at the end of the day, I try and shake all of these feelings off, and focus on what makes me happy. 

In Eren's absence, I've also been hanging out with Marco and Jean a lot more. I recently told the pair about my feelings for the emerald eyed boy, and they both swore that they would never utter a single word to him. 

"So how long have you liked him?" Marco asked me while I was hanging out at their apartment. I try and think back to when I met Eren, 

"Uh, probably the middle of August, and now it's almost February, so about six months." 

Jean squinted his eyes a little. "And he still doesn't know how you feel?" He asked. 

I shrugged my shoulders, "Nope. Trust me, I want to tell him, it's just everytime that I get close, I chicken out. Plus, I never know what to say." I look at the floor from embarrassment.

Jean scratches the back of his neck before saying, "Maybe you don't have to tell him."  I look up, and stare into his hazel eyes. "What? I'm not following what you're trying to say." I tell him. Jean sighs, "What I'm trying to say is that you write about Eren a lot, right?" I nod my head and furrow my brows in confusion. "Well, maybe when you think you're ready to tell him, just give him the notebook. If it really shows how much you love him in there, then you won't have to say anything." Jean concludes. 

I stare at him in awe. Why hadn't I thought of that? 

"T-That might possibly work. Thanks Jean!" He just smirks at me and playfully rolls his eyes, "No problem, Armin." 

After hanging out with Jean and Marco for a few more hours, I decide that I should probably go back and study. I bid the two goodbye, and walk out into the chill air. I pull my coat around me tighter and I start the walk back to my dorm. After a little bit of silent walking, I take out my headphones and plug them into my phone. I put on the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. It describes my predicament perfectly with every new verse. Telling Eren that I love him is going to be one of the hardest things that I've done, but to willingly give him my notebook; containing all of my feelings for him, is going to be even harder. It's been six months already since I've met Eren. I chuckle a little at how time has flown right in front of me. It seems like we met just yesterday. 

I take a few more steps, until I feel a force stop me from walking any further. I look at the face in front of me, and my eyes grow wide. "O-Oh, hi Levi! Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." 

He lightly shrugs his shoulders and starts to walk away. I furrow my brows and look behind in confusion, until he turns around and says, "Hey, you're friends with Eren, right? You were with him when he tried out for the team." I nod my head, and squeak out a small, "Y-Yeah! He's my best friend." I say that last remark a little bit more forceful than I'd originally intended to. 

Levi walks back towards me, and my breath hitches a little. "He's been an amazing player for the team. Who knows, he might be able to move our team towards State this year. He talks about you all of the time during practice by the way." Levi glances at me. My cheeks suddenly flush a darker shade of pink at his remark, "R-Really?" 

Levi chuckles a little, "No, he doesn't. I just wanted to see how you'd react if I said that. I'm just gonna be honest with you here, I know that you like him. I saw how you looked at him during his tryout for the team. Your cheeks got pink and you smiled this little loving smile for him. Anybody with a brain could see how you feel. Eren's just an oblivious idiot.  And I'm gonna give you a little advice." He looks at me with a murderous stare in his eyes. "Don't you dare tell him how you feel. If you distract him in any way, and make him lose his focus for future games, I'm blaming you. After the season is over, maybe you'll stand a chance with him, but unluckily for you, somebody else also has eyes on him too." 

I stand there, frozen at his words. He then turns around and starts to walk in a different direction, but before I can move my feet, he speaks up. 

"Don't you dare mess this up, Arlert! This year, everything is going to change." My body goes numb at that phrase. I've heard it before, I know I have. It's words have haunted me for long enough. I stare at him in awe for a few more seconds, before I finally turn away, and make my way back home.

I sit at my desk, looking at a blank sheet of paper, trying to figure out what words to say about tonight's little confrontation with Levi. I tap my pen on the desk before dropping it with a little 'clink' on the desk. I rub my face and try to replay the moment back in my mind. I know I've heard those words before. They strike a feeling inside of me that makes me want to rip my own skin off. And the moment they came out of his mouth, I knew that I've heard the warning before. After a few more minutes of staring at my empty notebook, I decide that I should just try and sleep off today's problems.  
   
Luckily, I have no nightmare's that night. I wake to a blinding sunshine in my eyes and groggily get out of my warm bed. Today is game day, which means I finally get to see Eren today. He promised me that after the game tonight, the both of us would come back to my dorm room and just hang out together. I start to formulate a plan in my head. I think that today is the day that I tell him how I actually feel. I'll just give him the notebook after a little bit of hanging out, and then I'll figure out everything else from there. I don't take what Levi said into consideration when thinking all of this through. I've waited long enough. It's my turn to feel what it's like to show somebody real affection, and not just daydream in my mind to the tune of a love song. I want to feel what it's like to have his lips on mine again, and not have the feelings be just one sided, but with my luck, that's probably what's going to happen when I tell him. But I can't let negative thoughts get in the way of my feelings tonight. 

I start to get ready for the rest of the day, when I hear my phone making a dinging sound. I open up to see a new unread message from Eren.   
From Eren: Hey Armin! I left you something on your doorstep because when I knocked on your door, you didn't answer so I just assumed that you were still sleeping. Wear it to the game tonight! See you later! :)

I open my door to see a well folded basketball jersey, sitting on my doorstep. My cheeks begin to immediately flush. I'd always seen high school girls wearing their boyfriend's jersey's at football games and other sporting events, so to have Eren give me something like this made the ocean waves in my stomach tremble. I picked the red and black jersey up and looked at the detailing. On the back of the shirt in bolded letters were the words 'Jaeger' and the number '12' outlined in black. I hold the jersey to my chest and lay back down on my bed and smile. He is absolutely amazing to me, and he doesn't even realize what he's doing half of the time. I quickly trade out my shirt for his jersey, it's a little big on me, but I easily fix that by tucking it in a little in the front. I then grab my notebooks and laptop, and make my way for morning and afternoon classes.

I scribble down notes and rush past quizzes in all of my classes, until finally after what seemed like forever, I rush out of the stuffy building, and out into the fresh air. I meet up with most of my friends, and we all head into the gymnasium to get our seats. Sasha and Connie start to playfully tease me at the jersey I'm wearing, until I make the comment, "Well I'm pretty sure if you were in basketball Connie, you would have totally given Sasha your jersey." The two trouble makers glanced at one another, until finally turning away from each other and profusely blushing. I smirk at the two of them, and then turn my attention back to my phone. I send a quick text to Eren. 

To Eren: Hey! I got your jersey this morning, thanks for letting me wear it. And good luck for the game tonight! I know you'll do great :)

After a little bit more waiting, the crowd finally starts to surge on in, and music fills up the gym in an instant. It feels like I'm transported back to the dark days of high school again, but then I look around me and see that I'm surrounded by all of my friends. I smile and tell myself that it could never get as bad as it did in high school. Without much further waiting, all of the players start to run out onto the court and start to warm up. Many people in the crowd start to cheer, and when I look down, I only care about the person who is wearing the number 12. 

Eren waves at me to come down near him. I hear a few snickers from Connie and Sasha as I make my way down to the bar right above him.   
I smile and grasp onto the railing. "Hey! How you feeling?" I ask Eren. 

He nods his head, "I think I'm alright, a little nervous obviously, but just pumped full of adrenaline at this point. And you look pretty good in my jersey." He smiles at me, and I slightly blush. 

"Yeah, thanks for letting me wear it tonight!" 

"No problem, and hey, you still want to hang out after this, right?" He asks. 

I nod my head quickly, "Yeah of course!" I look back at the basketball court, "and I know you're going to do great Eren, just play like you've been at practice and you'll be fine. I have faith in you." He smiles back at me and flushes pink, "Thank you, Armin." We stare at each other a little longer than what should be normal for friends to do, until somebody calls out for Eren to keep warming up. 

"Jaeger, get you ass back here!" I shiver a little at the familiar voice. Eren gives me a sympathetic smile, and then jogs back over to warm up. I look up and I'm greeted with the devil's glare. Levi's eyes are like daggers, and I'm the one being stabbed. I gulp a little, and then walk back up the tall stairs to sit with my friends once again. 

Once the buzzer vibrates the room, the players on both sides take their places. Both sides of the home and visitors section of the bleachers starts to go wild. As far as I can tell, Eren mostly plays on the offensive side, rather than defense. The clock on the scoreboard ticks by with each new play. It isn't like it is in the movies with just one second to spare, before our team scores the winning basket. 

Our team is beating the other by a good 18 points, and before I know it, it's already the last quarter. I look over at Eren, and he is dripping in sweat, but yet he still runs at full speed. He evades all of the defensive plays until he sinks the ball into the net, with just two minutes left in the last quarter. The other team tries to put on their best effort, but with only two minutes remaining, and how worn out they all look, they know that they won't be lasing any longer. However, that doesn't stop Eren from running at full capacity and dunking another basket. Then he gets the ball back in possession, and sinks the ball in for a three pointer, with just ten seconds left. The other team lets the clock tick out, and our side of the bleachers belts into cheers and hollers. 

All of my friends go down after the two teams have shook hands, to congratulate our team. I run up towards Eren and embrace him in a tight hug. He seems momentarily shocked, but then gives into my affection and holds me almost tighter. I have to stand on my tiptoes to keep my arms wrapped around his neck as we look at each other and smile. "Y-You were amazing out there Eren!" I finally say to break the ice. He chuckles a little, "Thank you, Armin." 

I think for a second that he might be leaning in towards me, as if to give me a sweet kiss, but my mind is pulled away from that pleasant thought when his teammates storm over and envelope him in a huge circle of cheers and congratulations. I stand off to the slide lines, and just decide to observe. I then cautiously watch as Levi walks over to Eren. "Nice job sinking those baskets Jaeger. We still need to practice some defensive moves, in private later this week." Levi seems to glance over at me as he says the latter of the statement. 

I feel a twinge of jealousy nip at my conscious, but I just smile it off, trying not to give Levi the satisfaction of taking free time from Eren and my hanging out. "Alright everyone, nice job tonight. You all have to come to the party at Farlan's apartment after we all get cleaned up." Levi announces. Eren glances over at me and then whispers something in Levi's ear. He then glances over at me and back to Eren. I get the hint of what Eren is trying to discuss with Levi, and I sigh as I know what I've got to do so Levi doesn't try and get me back for all of this. 

I walk over to the two guys, and speak directly to Eren; trying my hardest to evade Levi's glance. "Eren it's alright, we can hang out another night." I fake a smile for Eren, and I swear I can feel Levi's smirk from behind me. 

"Armin, I can't blow you off a second time. I want to hang out with you." I try and find my words to persuade Eren to go join the party. 

"Eren, we can always hang out another time, it doesn't have to be tonight. Go enjoy! Celebrate with your team, you deserve it!" I nod at him, and he then drops the issue. He smiles sympathetically at me, and waves as he walks back to the locker room. I start to walk in the different direction, until I feel a hand rest up on my shoulder. 

"Good move Arlert. Just watch yourself next time. You got a little too close to Eren at some points before the game. See ya around." I glare at the dark haired boy the second he turns his back. I shake my head and wrap my coat around me tighter as I step into the cold winter air. 

Once I get back to my dorm, I put away the blanket and movies that I'd set up for tonight with Eren, and I stop as I see my notebook, lying face opened on the desk. I flip through the pages, and then turn it so the cover of it is facing the front. I put it back in its rightful place and I go to the bathroom. 

I stand in the little room and stare at myself in the mirror. My blue eyes seem a little dimmer than usual and I look as if I haven't slept for a few days. My energy levels have completely depleted, and I feel almost empty inside. I have know idea what's happening to me. I realize that it has only been three weeks that I haven't formally hung out with Eren, but at this point, it seems like it's lasting a lifetime. 

I slide open my bathroom cabinet and stare inside it. There are a few certain objects in the small drawer. A shaving razor, my hairbrush, a few ponytail holders, toothpaste, and lastly are my antidepressants. I take the bottle in my hand, and stare at the little wording on the side of the bottle. I just stare. Transfixed by all of the little details. I open the bottle and take out a single pill and rest it in the palm of my hand. I look at the little lettering on the face of the pill. 

I take a deep breath, and say out loud to myself, "You're okay. You are going to be just fine. You won't become the person you used to be." But as soon as I swallow the single little pill, my words echo inside the void of my mind, and I can slowly feel myself begin to unravel.


	19. Chapter 19

Armin's POV

Chapter 18

50 pills stayed still and safe in the orange container, but now on this dreaded day, I stare at an empty bottle in my clammy hands. I've had my prescription drugs for seven months now, and I've just run out. But the horrifying part of it, is that through the whole month of February, and now half of March I've taken all of them. So now I get to have the joy of waiting in line, and getting judged by the pharmacist in a white lab coat, who takes my bottle and gives me a strange look. 

My hands sweat and I look around to make sure that nobody I know is at the drugstore in town. It's a shock to me that I have gone through all of the pills in the month and a half, but I've needed them now more than ever.

I'm losing myself again.

I feel trapped and secluded when I'm alone. But yet I also have a constant fear of seeing the one person who actually can help bring me the vital source of happiness that I need. If Levi caught me hanging out with Eren for more than an hour at a time, he might tell Eren about my feelings for him, and I don't need that with everything wrong going on in my brain right now, so I've stayed away from the handsome basketball boy.

I text him occasionally, but never to the point to where he can ask me if we can hang out. I aimlessly walk around campus sometimes just to forget about everything, but that only makes me sadder when I remember all of the good times that Eren and I have shared together. I'd do anything to make the clock go back in time to the welcoming chill of fall, rather than this never-ending freeze of winter, but sadly, I don't have that kind of power.

I pull on fake smiles and try to act like I'm happy, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this act up. I want to tell him how I feel, but I cherish our friendship more than my romantic feelings for Eren. 

So I breathe. In and out, slowly. Trying so desperately hard to wait for his basketball season to end so I don't have to put up with the wrath of Levi. 

I finally walk out of the drug store with my prescription in my cold hands. My red beanie and glasses plastered on, I start the freezing walk home. I put the small bottle in my pocket and pull out my headphones. Music has started to become a necessary thing for me again. I listen to it wherever I go, even if I'm just walking around the block. I tune out all of my problems and the world around me, and just fall into the constant drumming of sounds. A few minutes after zoning out into my music however, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I reach inside and pull my phone out to see a new message from Mikasa. 

From Mikasa: Hey, can you please come over to my place? We need to talk. I'll order some lunch for us. 

My heartbeat starts to race in my heart. I type back a quick reply to the her, and start to travel to Mikasa's place. After a good ten minutes of walking through all of the piling snow on the ground. I knock my knuckles against the door, and I met with shimmering grey eyes. 

"Hey, Armin. Come on inside." She gestures me to come inside, and I walk in the small dorm. There are a few boxes packed at the edge of the room. 

"You and Annie found an apartment to live in?" I question her. She gives me a small smile and nods her head nonchalantly, "We're moving in next week. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. You should probably take a seat, you might be here a while." 

I sit down on the plush bean bag chair on the floor, with a plate of pizza in my hand that Mikasa had ordered. She sits on the chair across from me and has a stern look on her calm face. "Alright, I know that you aren't going to like talking about this, but we need to talk about you and Eren." 

A slight blush splays itself on my cheeks, but I simply nod my head and sigh, "What do you want to know?" 

Mikasa takes deep breath, "What's going on with you two? I see you walking around campus, and you look like a ghost. You don't smile anymore, it doesn't look like you've been getting enough sleep, and Eren hasn't talked to me about you anymore. Please Armin, just tell me what's wrong." 

Her eyes plead with mine. I've never seen this side of Mikasa before. She usually has most of her answers from her own instinct, but in this situation, she's been completely left in the dark. Guilt starts to eat at me, but then I realize that she's just trying to protect me. She loves me like I'm her brother, and she only wants to look out for me. 

I take a deep breath before speaking. "I-I think Eren has met somebody new." 

Mikasa glares at the ground, "You mean that asshole, Levi? God I could kill Eren right now.." She looks over at the wall and shakes her head. 

"W-Wait, you know Levi?" My eyes widen at the new information. When would she have met him in person?

She looks back at me, her glare now dimming, "Yeah, he's all Eren can talk about right now. About a week ago, Eren made me meet the little shit in person, and I didn't get good vibes off of him. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. But then I saw you guys at the basketball game that night, and it irked me how Levi gave you death glares whenever you would come in a five foot radius of Eren."

I listen intensely, holding onto her every word. "M-Mikasa, can I ask you something?" She nods her head and looks into my blue eyes. I glance at the floor before saying, "D-Do you think Eren still likes me? Do you think he ever had feelings for me?" 

Her gaze becomes somber as she holds my hand in her own. "I think he did. Over Christmas break, he couldn't stop talking about the kiss you two shared before break. He would randomly touch his lips and blush." She smiles at the memory, and I start to feel my eyes water slightly as she reminisces. Her happy smile however, didn't last, "But once he started basketball, he talked about you less and less. I-I think he really liked you Armin, and I wish I could say that he still does, but I can't be certain. Shit, I made you cry. God Armin, I'm so sorry." 

I don't even realize that the tears have finally slipped out of my eyes and are rolling onto my cheeks, until Mikasa points it out. She wraps me in a tight embrace, and that's when I start to loose it.

"I-It's a..all my fault." I whimper into her shoulder. She gently shushes me and rubs my back as I cry for what seems like hours. It's in this moment that I know I could at least vent to somebody rather than Eren, and not be judged. She lets me cry for I don't even know how long, and she never lets me go. 

I wiggle out of her grasp and rub my now bloodshot eyes. "T-Thank you, Mikasa. I-I needed this..." Mikasa gives me a sympathetic smile, "I wish I could do more Armin. I-" 

I quickly cut her off "No, this was all I could've wanted. I'm glad that you told me all of this Mikasa, and hey m-maybe there is still hope, who knows." I give the her a weak smile. I stay at her place for a while longer and have hot chocolate, until I finally bid her goodbye, and walk back out into the cold.

Even after all of the things that Mikasa told me about Eren, for some reason, whenever I think of him, my stomach still makes the same ocean waves, and I still think of all the better times that I had with him. I'm still in love with him. After everything that I was just told, my heart is still holding on. 

I lower my glance onto the snow covered pavement below me, and pull out my blue headphones. I press play on the song "Kingdom of Welcome Addiction" by IAMX. With every step, my eyes grow heavier from all of the crying that I did at Mikasa's. Step by step I grow more and more tired. At one point while walking, I was afraid that I might pass out from exhaustion until I thought that I heard somebody call my name. I lift my head up from my gloominess and look around to hear a person calling my name, until I feel my stomach constrict in waves of excitement, but yet also nervousness. In the far distance I can see the two people who I wish would never hang out together outside of basketball, Levi and Eren. 

Eren runs up towards me and smiles his same perky smile. "Armin! Hey I haven't seen you in forever! How are you?" I can tell that he's using small talk with me. I can't stand small talk, it shouldn't be hard for me to just say "I'm good." and walk away, but yet I still stand still, my mouth agape trying to find words. 

"I-I'm alright, h-how are you?" I finally stutter. Eren then begins to rant all about basketball and new plays he's been practicing. To be honest, I tune most of that out. I don't want to hear anymore talk about basketball ever again.

Levi finally catches up to the both of us, and my stomach churns at the mere sight of him. I try to keep my focus on Eren, until he finally asks the question that I knew was coming any minute now, "Hey, we should hang out sometime. It's been a while!" 

I blink quickly a few times, and my eyes dart to the shorter boy standing next to Eren, "U-Uh...maybe, I've been pretty busy lately so I don't know if we could anytime soon." 

"Liar." The word rushes in my mind. I have nothing going on anymore. I'm always caught up with my homework and essays. I just sit and stare at the words of my journal, trying to find the perfect thing to say to myself to pull me out of this ever lasting darkness. 

Eren's smile falters, "Oh, well maybe we could just have a study session sometime this week?" It was then Levi's turn to step into the conversation, "Sorry Jaeger, but you have practice every night this week." Eren gives Levi a small pout and then playfully rolls his eyes at him. In return Levi gives him a small smile that makes me want to vomit in my mouth at the sight of them flirting. 

"Fine, I guess some other time then Armin!" Eren said. I nod my head and give a fake smile which I've now mastered.  

"Well we should probably head on back. It was nice seeing you Armin! Hopefully we can hang out soon!" Eren starts to walk away and waves at me as he strolls along with Levi. 

"Y-Yeah sure! See ya!" I wave back painfully and watch the two walk side by side. But my heart breaks more and my breath is taken away as I see their hands lightly brush up against each other. Eren gives Levi the same look he did to me just a few months ago. I can see a slight blush form on Eren's cheeks and he playfully nudges the smaller boy. 

I have to turn around. I don't want to see something that keeps breaking me with each passing day. I already know that I'm crying at this point, and I don't even bother to put in my headphones again. I quickly walk up the steps to my dorm and slam the door shut and lock it. With shaky hands, I quickly reach for the small orange bottle within my pocket, and open the container. I'm able to pull out a single pill. 

I dry swallow it while walking into the bathroom to look at the damage that is splayed all over my face.     
Red eyes, shaky hands, tear stricken cheeks, and a damaged spirit. The longer that I gaze at myself in the mirror, the more disgusted with myself. I shake my head and quickly open the small bathroom drawer to put my pill bottle back in it's rightful place, but my eyes catch sight of something shimmering against the light. 

The razor. 

The blades still in their rightful place, but the longer I look, the more I want to take them out. My own thoughts starting to scare me. I'm falling quickly back towards the old me. I bite my lip hard enough to make it slip open a bit. I look back in the mirror for the last time that night, and only one word comes to my mind. I whisper it to my reflection, as if it will hear me. 

"Useless." 

My glance goes back to the drawer, and with my heart beating so painfully fast, I slam it shut with a loud bang.  


	20. Chapter 20

Armin's POV

Chapter 19

Pills and snow start to both decrease as time passes by. It's almost April now and I haven't seen Eren since that horrific surprise meeting a couple of weeks ago. I know that I've fallen back into the person I was before. 

"I-I'm depressed." I scribble down into my notebook. It didn't take me long to realize the signs after that night. However, my wrists have stayed clean throughout all of this torment, and I intend to keep it that way. But just like the seasons changing, things might start to get better starting tonight. It's Eren's last game of the season. Of course his team made it to state with the powerhouse duo of Levi and Eren. 

Mikasa texted me a few days ago to check up on me. She's made sure that I was getting enough sleep and food to eat. I smile at how motherly she can act sometimes, but I cherish every part of it. She then asked me if I would go to the game with her and the squad. I tried to tell her that I wasn't in the mood, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. "You need to start seeing Eren again, especially with basketball season ending." She told me one day. So with a little persuading, I finally agreed to go.

Pulling out my coat, I finally meet up with Mikasa, and we both walk to the gymnasium. The silence was absolutely deafening. I know that the dark haired girl wants to talk to me about my mental state of mind, but I just kinda want to forget everything that has escalated within the soon to be four months. I start to think that maybe things will go back to the way they were before Levi came into the picture, that Eren and I could go back to the way things were in the fall. But with each step in the now melting snow, I know that all of my thoughts probably won't come true, but I can still hope. 

Mikasa starts to pick up on my weird mood, and she does something that I wasn't expecting her to do. She gently takes my hand in her own, and squeezes it comfortingly. I look back at her and give her a small smile. Over these hard months, Mikasa has really made sure that I'm still breathing by the end of the day. I couldn't thank her enough for all that she's done, and I think in this moment, she understands, and that's all I could ask from her. 

We finally walk into the all too familiar gym, and it looks the exact same from the last time that I was here, except everything is decorated with motivational posters for the game tonight. I take a seat next to Mikasa, and soon everyone else shows up. There's laughter all around, and it makes the atmosphere warmer. I don't feel so upset anymore, and I soon start to converse with everyone. 

I smile, laugh, and talk normally. It's nice not to worry and stress for once. Sasha turns over to me and smiles, "Hey, listen after the game, I think that all of us are going to go over to my grandparents and have a bonfire, just like we did in the fall. Do you wanna come?" Sasha's eyes glimmer in excitement, and I couldn't possibly say no to her, especially when she's looking at me like that. 

"Yeah, I'll come. It should be fun." I reply happily. She grins and then goes back to talking with Connie. 

I wish that I could stay like this forever, to not feel the overwhelming sadness anymore. But my optimistic mood fades away when I hear the sound of the buzzer going off. I see both sides of the team walk out onto the court, and start to warm up. I try not to look at Eren when he's throwing the ball to his teammates, but I fail time and time again. It's as if he doesn't even notice me anymore. He doesn't see the pain in my eyes when I see him smile at Levi. My body stays numb as I keep watching them warm up, until I feel another presence next to me. 

"Hey, don't try and focus on him. It'll only make it worse." I'm met with kind grey eyes that only could belong to Mikasa. I sigh and nod my head. I know that she's right. I should move on and not dwell on the fact that Eren and I will never have the relationship that I crave for us to have. But the more that I think about the obvious facts, the more my heart wants him. 

After a few more minutes of the two teams jogging and throwing the ball, they line up to start the game. I know how much everybody wants this, and deep down I know I do too. The chance of our team winning is a small percentage since we are against an undefeated team. Although, there is a glimmer of hope that revolves around two people on our team. So as the boys run across the court, I can feel my heart beat faster every time we come closer to scoring another basket. 

Shoes squeak against the gym floor as they run back and forth at high speeds. My eyes are fixated on the orange ball, and I feel myself get out of my seat a little when we finally score after what seems like a lifetime. All of the boys on each team are sweating like crazy, and it's an extremely tight game. The second half of the game comes at an alarming rate, and both of the teams aren't budging. Fouls keep being called, and free throws are continuously shot from both teams. 

Now this game seems like it should be one for the movies. The score is 24-26. Our team has to score once just to be tied with the other team, and then score again to win the game. With only two minutes left on the scoreboard, a win seems almost impossible, but our team isn't giving up in the slightest.

My heart is pounding out of its chest at this point, and everybody is hanging onto the edge of their seats. After a timeout from our team, Levi and Eren take the stage and the crowd went wild. I know it's their best shot for a win. As much as I hate to admit it, they do make a good team when they're under pressure.  
They zoom off the second that the clock starts to tick down. I stare at Eren the whole time, seeing how much he has improved compared to his first game of the season. I catch myself whispering "Faster, Eren!" a few times. 

Then out of the corner of my eye, I see Levi maneuver through guys who are twice as tall as him, and jump up for a layup. The crowd jumps out of their seats as the ball makes a beautiful swishing sound as it goes through the basket. The bright red numbers now read 26-26. 

Another timeout is made by the opposing team. I look around at my friends, and they all have serious expressions on their faces. We all want this so desperately. I want us to win. I want to be filled with happiness and excitement. After the scoreboard buzzes to indicate that time is up for the timeout, the players take their positions once again.   
There's only a minute left on the clock. I can hear my own blood rushing in my ears, and I can feel my heartbeat in my head. We have to win. We just have to. 

Fifty seconds left, and everyone's scrambling around trying to make a basket. Then forty seconds dwindled down to thirty, then twenty, and still no basket. Out of the corner of my eyes, I catch sight of the one person who might be able to win this for us. Eren's running out of speed as he races over to the other side of the court, and with only fifteen seconds left, I'm scared he isn't going to make it. 

I don't know what compelled my body to do this, but as the whole crowd was silent in anxiousness, I leapt out of my seat and shouted with all the air in my lungs, "GO EREN!" Everyone looks at me with wide eyes, but I don't care because for a millisecond, he looks back. He looks at me, and I'm met with his emerald eyes again. All of the bad things disappear for that split second, and he is all I care about. 

Everything moves in slow motion for those last ten seconds. Eren's legs stretched farther, and it seems as if he has a new burst of energy, saved just for this last moment. He then lifts off of the ground as if he's going to fly, and he delicately releases the ball into the air. A needle could have dropped in the gym, and every person could have pinpointed where it fell. That's how quiet it was while the ball was soaring through the air. Eren's momentum starts to fall, and his feet finally touch the ground, and at that same moment, the ball hits the backboard, and sinks gracefully into the net. 

If it was silent before, it's as if fireworks are set off in the gym when the scoreboard buzzes out, and lights up the score of 28-26. All of my friends start to hug each other, but I have a different idea in mind. I race down the numerous steps and onto the court, not caring if this is against some sort of rule. My feet take me as fast as I can go until I leap into the Eren's arms. 

I can feel the sweat through his jersey, and he's breathing heavily, but I honestly couldn't care less. He stands still for a few seconds, probably trying to process everything that just happened, but he eventually throws his arms around me. 

"Hey Blondie, I've missed you." He whispers in my ear. I honestly could've burst into tears right then and there, but that might have been a little too dramatic. Instead, I just hug him tighter and say, "You have no idea how much I've been wanting you to say that."

Instead of questioning me, he simply hugs me tighter, and I can't ask for anything better. 

We pull away and we both just start laughing. I guess I was right, this is the start of something better. I'm not gonna have to go back to my dorm room and be constantly worried and stressed because my form of happiness is back, and nothing can break my spirit right now. 

Well, all except one thing. Levi comes from behind and pats him on the back. The two of them hug and exchange little whispers. I step away a little, but Eren grabs my hand before I can walk any further. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?" 

I look at him in shock for a few seconds. "I'm going to Sasha's grandparents for a bonfire." Eren smiles and asks, "Do you mind if we hop along? I'm not really in the mood to go to a huge party tonight. I'd rather hang out with my best friend." He smiles again and looks at me with that damn smirk and those bright, shining, emerald eyes, so I obviously can't say no to him. 

"Of course you can, Eren." He nods his head and grins even wider, "Awesome! We'll meet you at Sasha's grandparents after we get cleaned up. See you later, Armin." He then waves and walks away. I stand in the middle of many people, and feel my heart beating rapidly. There's a blush on my cheeks, and my palms are sweaty. I soon walk back up the bleachers to my friends, "Well that was a flair for the dramatics." Jean teases me. I just laugh along with all of my friends. We make our way out of the hot building, and into the cool air to drive to Sasha's bonfire.

I ride with Jean and Marco. Mikasa and I are in the backseat, and we all sing along to the radio on the way to Sasha's. Everything almost feels euphoric. I actually feel so happy, nothing can damper my spirit. All four of us finally step out of the car, and out into the open yard to start the fire. The warm glow heats us all up within a few minutes. Fun stories are exchanged, and laughs seem to warm us all up. 

Then, as if all at once, everybody turns towards me. "So Armin, how have you been lately?" I guess that everybody found out about my little mental breakdown over the few months of winter. I stare back at all of them, and just decide to be completely honest with them, there's no reason for me to lie. "Honestly, I'm doing better. Especially after tonight. I feel like I'm my normal self again. I know that I went through a rough patch, and I'm sorry if I scared any of you." 

I glance over at Mikasa and she gives me a small smile and nods for me to continue. "I-I wasn't doing so well for a while as some of you already know. I just felt out of place after Eren started hanging out with Levi...I-I know that sounds selfish, and it probably is, but for a while I thought he'd forgotten about me." 

It's quiet for a few seconds before Ymir says, "Hey, listen Arlert, I know what you're talking about. If I ever lost Christa, I wouldn't know what in the world to do with myself. Love is a strange thing, and can make us feel weird things, rather than just love." Everyone in the group seems to understand what she means, and then without warming, Christa speaks up, "And honestly, Armin, I think you and Eren would make a really good couple. We've never seen him as happy as he is when he is with you." 

I chuckle at her comment, and everybody does the same. They're all on my side apparently. They're rooting for me to get better, and that's a saving grace within itself. I didn't have that before in high school. I wish I could've had a whole support team, but that just wasn't the case, and now that I do, it couldn't come at a better time.

We all turn our heads a few minutes later to the sound of footsteps. My smile widens as I see Eren walking towards the fire. However, my smile soon falls as I see Levi behind him. I guess I forgot that Eren did say "We" when he was asking me about the party. I try to act like I'm okay at the surprising sight of the other man, but I feel a bad suspicion in my gut that something isn't right. 

The two of them sit next to each other, and Eren formally introduces us all to Levi. We all say our hello's and then go back to our regular conversations. There would be no games at this bonfire, just relaxation and small talk, which is okay with me. After a little while, Mikasa and Annie announce that they've finally moved in with each other. We all clap for them and ask multiple questions about their new apartment. They look so happy and in love. Mikasa's eyes warm up whenever she looks at Annie in ways that they wouldn't do for others. The same can be said for Annie. The blue eyed girl relaxes and smiles much more when she looks at her partner. 

After a few more minutes of congratulations, Eren decides to stand up. The feeling in my gut strengthens even more, and I can't understand why. It's just Eren, why should I feel so uneasy? He takes a deep breath and addresses all of us, "Well, if we are all saying some big news, I guess I should too." We all turn towards Eren in confusion. Eren isn't one for big announcements. He smiles at everyone and continues to speak, "I know that this may come as a big shock to all of you, but...I-I'm gay."

It's silent for a few seconds until Jean snorts, "Yeahh...nice try, Eren that's not really a surprise." Eren glares at him in annoyance "And what's that suppose to mean, Horseface?" Jean glares daggers back at Eren, but with a calming hand from Marco, he quickly settles down. 

"Nothing. Just continue with your stupid speech."Jean replies begrudgingly. Eren shakes his head, and tries to get back on track. My heart's pounding again. Eren's gay. I should've obviously known, but I'm still sitting on the edge of my seat for what he's going to say next. Multiple scenarios dance around in my head. What if he actually feels the same? I mean, he did say he misses me, and I felt our spark light at the game when he looked at me. This has to be the moment that I've been waiting for. When everything finally falls back into place.

I notice a few of my friends glance at me optimistically. They're all probably thinking the same thing that I am. However, my gut feeling is still haunting me. I look around at my surroundings, trying to figure out what could be bothering me.

And that's when I realize what's wrong. This setting feels all too familiar. The fire, Eren, me, and the smoke clouding the shadowed figure behind Eren. 

"Wake me up!" The words scream inside my mind. I don't want to stay around for what Eren has to say because for some reason, I already know what this is going to end like. Me being numb again, but I can't stop the words leaving his mouth. Everything goes into slow motion again. Levi is smirking behind Eren, and everyone is on the edge of their seats to see what he has to say.

"Levi and I are dating."

Silence.

There is no applause or congratulations for the new couple. Just never ending silence. I can already feel my eyes water, and my stomach is contracting waves of pain. People's eyes turn towards me instead. A look of shock and surprise is splayed upon everyone's faces.

The fire, Eren, the black, smoking figure behind him, and me. I should've seen this coming. There would be no happy ending for me because I'm in my own living nightmare.


End file.
